


Free Sailing

by ClexaOtaim



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: ClarkexLexa - Freeform, Clexa, Drama, F/F, RMS Titanic, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2018-09-24 04:48:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 45,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9702995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClexaOtaim/pseuds/ClexaOtaim
Summary: Clarke Griffin, daughter of wealthy doctor Jack Griffin, dreams of an escape from her social expectations. Lexa Woods is a working class girl who works in the engine room of the Titanic, sporting a coal smeared face and an easy smile, a chance meeting on the famous vessel incurs a romance neither of them could ever expect. Clexa Titanic AU





	1. A Goodbye

The ship was enormous. Her father had said it would be. The biggest ship in the whole wide world he’d said as he passed her what was meant to be his ticket with shaking hands. She hadn’t understood at first. 

“Papa, this is your ticket. You’re going on the big ship with Mother.”

Her father had smiled knowingly but she had seen the sadness in his eyes, the heartbreak. “Not just a big ship, Clarke. The biggest ship. You’re going to see it with your Mother and sail it to America.”

“But, Papa, this is your ticket. You’re supposed to be going with Mother.” Her bottom lip had begun to tremble and her father had taken her face in his hands before the tears could start.

“The sickness has spread too far, baby. I’m not well enough to travel. That’s why I’m giving you my ticket, so you can go on an adventure.”

Clarke finally understood. “No! I don’t want to go on an adventure without you! I’m staying here, to look after you.”

“Clarke, I have several good people here looking after me, they all do a very good job. I want you to take this ticket and go and see some of the world, before you come home and resign to marriage with that fool!”

He had never approved of the man Clarke’s mother had chosen for Clarke’s fiancée to be. Finn Collins was the son of a wealthy Irish iron manufacturer and was to inherit shares of his father’s business on his 25th birthday. He was handsome enough, with wavy dark brown hair, a tall yet built physique and very well mannered. However, his cold, dark eyes held little passion for Clarke’s liking, apart from whenever his eyes lingered on her a little too long… and she was perfectly sure that it was not passion in his eyes when he looked at her like that. Like a dog that had been made to wait for its dinner too long. Her father had always felt that he was not right for Clarke, who was not yet 19, and was always quick to make his presence known should he notice Mr Collins’ gaze on his daughter remained unmoved after an uncomfortable amount of time. 

It was hardly a surprise he desired her so. Clarke was a beautiful girl. Her long, naturally curly blonde hair framed her unmarked, elegant pale face perfectly, and she always knew exactly how to style it. Her figure complimented every dress. She was well read and well mannered, and fiercely intelligent with no hesitation to argue about politics or current issues of the world, even if others sneered that it was above her gender and station to talk about such things. Her father encouraged her, much to the chagrin of his peers “Give them a reason to envy you, Clarke, it raises you higher and higher with every disapproving look, every demeaning comment, every snide whisper. It raises you above them all.” But Clarke’s real defining features were her eyes. A beautiful, ocean shade of blue with such a crystal clear shine to them, framed with delicate long lashes, it was impossible for anyone not to find her the most stunning creature they had ever come across. But no one ever noticed her eyes, not really. They were too busy complimenting the fit of her dress, the shape of her figure, her posture, her polite manner, anything but her beautiful, beautiful eyes, something her sickly father lamented.

“My daughter is the most graceful being God has ever created” He would say, storming around his study “with such beautiful blue eyes, bluer than mine could ever be, and these good for nothing layabouts want nothing more than one night in heaven!”

Even Mr Collins had never had anything to say about her eyes. Upon their first meeting, he’d raked his eyes over her, exchanged a knowing and, in Clarke’s mind, vulgar look with his father before taking her hand.

“Well, aren’t you the prettiest thing I’ve ever had the pleasure to see.” He’d kissed her hand, and Clarke had immediately felt rather sick to her stomach. 

Her father had instantly disliked him. When the Collins had left, he stormed into his study with her mother close at his heels. 

“For Christ’s sake, Abigail, why him?!”

“They are a good family, Jack; he is a good prospect for her!”

“Oh, good prospect my arse!”

“Jack!”

“I will not have my daughter married off like she is cattle, Abigail, I won’t allow it! We are not that kind of family!”

“You cannot hold onto Clarke forever, Jack. You’re not well as it is! She is going to need someone to look after her for when we are gone.”

“It doesn’t have to be him” Clarke had heard her father deeply sigh in frustration and defeat “It doesn’t have to be him, Abigail.”

“He is a good prospect for her, Jack.”

“Why can’t you let her choose her own destiny, Abigail? She doesn’t have to become a wife and mother just yet.”

“We were married not much older than she is now.”

“We travelled, Abigail! We saw some of the world; we lived our lives before we settled down. I am telling you now, if she marries that…that dumbfounded slackjaw she will have no such chance!”

“God, Jack, you make him sound like the devil incarnate.”

“She is too young to be married. He may court her if you are so sold on it but a marriage I refuse to support. If you force her to marry him I will never forgive you. And neither will she.”

“Clarke said he was nice enough. She may like him, Jack. He is a good prospect for her.”

“So you keep saying. Very well. He can court her, if Clarke consents, he may even propose. But he cannot marry her until she has reached 21 years of age.”

“That is three years away, Jack, what if he loses interest?”

“If he loses interest, he is not good enough for our daughter and I’d be glad to be rid of him.”

“Oh, Jack.”

“I don’t want to argue with you, Abigail. I really don’t. But she is my daughter; it is my duty to protect her.”

“You think I don’t feel the same, Jack? I love Clarke just as much as you do. I’m just trying to do what’s best for her.”

“I know, Abigail, I know. But not every solution lies in a man.”

“You were my solution. You always have been. I love you, Jack.”

Her father had sighed. “I love you too, Abigail. I always will. We have to do right by her. I want Clarke to have the best we can manage for her.”

“We will, Jack. We’ll try. That I promise you.”

Now here she stood, face to face with the biggest ship in the world. The Titanic. Her mother had been cheerful on the journey to get here. Mr Collins would also be travelling on the Titanic, due to the fact that his father’s iron had been used to make the ship. Her mother was sure that Clarke would fall in love with him on the journey to America. What could be more romantic than an ocean cruise to a foreign land? She had even nudged Clarke on the train, fantasising that Mr Collins might propose to Clarke on her 20th birthday, 12th April. 

“Wouldn’t that be wonderful, Clarke? How romantic, to be proposed to on the biggest ship in the world on its maiden voyage.”

Clarke had just sighed and closed her eyes, leaning her head against the cold window as she let her mother drone on about proposals and fancy dinners and weddings and grandchildren. Her mother could be right. Mr Collins had been dropping hints about marriage in recent months, and due to his father’s involvement in the building of the Titanic, his wealth had never been greater. As her mother kept saying, now would be the time for him to buy her a ring. She thought back to her father and sent a silent prayer to God that he was alright. He was terribly unwell when she’d left for the train with her mother and Clarke worried every second of the journey, wishing more than anything that she’s stayed with him. Now she was to be stuck with her mother and Mr Collins on a voyage to a foreign land that she had wanted to see and explore with her father. 

As she handed her suitcases and other luggage to a porter, she caught a glimpse of several working class people, also loading their luggage into the great vessel. She envied them for only a moment, free to live their lives as they wanted, to choose who to fall in love with as they wanted, to be able to do with their lives what they so wished. But then she remembered that it was they who probably envied her, and her wealth. She was the lucky one, having never wanted for anything, having grown up with both of her parents and living in a nice house, never having to worry about anything. She felt silly at the prospect of envying people who had so little in comparison to herself and yet she felt that they were rich in ways that she could never be. As she turned to return to her mother, she was subsequently crashed into by another figure walking into her path. Their shoulders collided and Clarke, still recovering from a horse riding injury, exclaimed in pain.

“Oh! Oh, I’m really sorry, Miss. Are you alright?”

A calloused but firm hand reached down to help her up from where she’d stumbled. “Yes, yes I’m alright. It’s not your fault; I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

Clarke took the hand and was startled to come face to face with vibrant forest green eyes and a mess of curly, long brown hair, cascading over her shoulders.

“Are you sure you’re alright, Miss?”

Clarke hadn’t realised she was staring, and blushed as she brushed off her dress and nodded in answer to the girl’s question. She had never seen a girl wear pants and a shirt before. The outfit suited the girl and Clarke found herself attracted to the girl’s casual stance which made the clothes seem to fit her even better  
.  
“Yes, yes no harm done. Thank you.” The girl smiled, and Clarke felt butterflies begin in her stomach. The girl’s smile was just so…inviting, the way it curved to the side as if she and Clarke were the only ones who knew a secret and her inquisitive green eyes seemed to laugh knowingly in tandem with the secret knowing smile. 

“Well, you stay safe now, Miss.”

“Thank you.” Clarke barely had time to say it before the girl had taken off again, rushing towards the working class area to enter the ship. She thought back to her father “The best people you will ever meet in life, Clarke, are the people who come crashing into your life by accident.” She briefly wondered if she would ever see the girl again. She noticed a cap on the floor near her feet, and picked it up, wondering if it belonged to anyone around her. However, there was only one person it would belong to, and Clarke’s newly acquired stomach butterflies fluttered in excitement as Clarke read the stitching on the inside of the cap.

“L. Woods.” Clarke placed the cap carefully into her hand luggage and hurried to find her mother before she worried about her. As they began to enter the Titanic together, Clarke smiled to herself in the hopes that finding her cap meant that she was going to see her curious stranger again.


	2. A Diamond in the Rough

The wood was a little too weak in places for carving; brittle in areas she had to be careful with her knife. The horse figurine was almost finished. Lexa looked up and scanned the area around her. Her sister Anya was still trying to sell flowers to the passers-by as well as a few of Lexa’s carvings, some of the more quality ones that she had been willing to part with – a handsome horse’s head, an ashtray lined with an iron bowl, a stretching cat, a sitting dog. They made for great toys and were popular with children, Anya was sure to sell at least a few of them. Lexa had always been good with her hands, not just with her carvings but with anything. She hardly felt the heat, she could run her hands under the hottest water, she could carry a hot tray from the oven, and it never left a mark. 

“Lexa! Come and help me with this, will you?” Anya’s voice pulled Lexa away from her carving. Setting the horse aside, Lexa smiled as she saw the problem. Well, it wasn’t a problem at all. It was a little girl with grey eyes and a firm pout. Anya’s daughter Echo. She had the dog figurine in her hand and she was in a battle of wills against her mother.

“Auntie said I could have it!”

“No, little miss, this one’s for selling. I’m making you a better one.” Lexa gently removed the dog from her hands and placed it back on the stall. Anya breathed a sigh of relief as the tantrum was averted. 

Echo’s bottom lip wobbled a little and Lexa reached back and showed her the horse she was carving. Echo reached for it and inspected it closely.  
“What is it?”

“It’s a horse, Echo, see?” Lexa took her niece’s hand and brushed it over where she was carving the horse’s mane.

“Like the ones Tia used to look after?”

Lexa sucked in a sharp breath at the mention of Costia’s name. “Yeah, that’s right.”

Anya noticed the pain stricken look on her sister’s face and called out to Echo. “Echo! You go back inside now, Mama and Auntie are very busy, see?” She gestured to the stall and the flowers, even though there were presently no customers. 

Echo nodded. “Bye, Mama. Bye Auntie.” She waved as she disappeared back inside the house.

Anya rubbed her eyes. “Lord in heaven that girl will be the death of me. Flowers! Fresh cut flowers!”

Lexa chuckled and went back to carving the horse figurine, paying close attention to the horse’s face. Echo mentioning Costia had been unexpected and Lexa had been unprepared. She had lost her so long ago, but it still felt so fresh.

What a love affair it had been. All her life Lexa had been told her way of loving was a sin. Her mother had disapproved greatly when Lexa had been caught kissing a girl from church on the lips. Lexa still remembered the beating she got for that. Her sister Anya had inherited her mother’s way of thinking and was always trying to find suitable boys for Lexa, especially when she was dating Gus. Gus would bring a friend along when he visited Anya, and Anya would always point him in Lexa’s direction. However, Anya also fell out of favour when she fell pregnant and Gus was nowhere to be found, despite Anya insisting that he had promised to come back and marry her once she told him the news. Her mother had told them of her disappointment in them on her deathbed and left both sisters with nothing but the house. Lexa had been the only one to help Anya survive the hardships of being a new mother, and a mother without a husband in a cruel and prejudiced society. Their bond had been strengthened year by year until Anya worked up the courage to tell Lexa that she could love whomever she chose and that she would face no judgement from Anya.

Looking for work had always been somewhat easy for Lexa. Despite her gender, she was strong and nimble, attributed to her lithe, athletic figure. She always put herself into the task at hand, and had worked in many different industries. It was the day she went to a stable to see if they had any jobs going. The owner had asked her to assist him in checking the horse’s shoes and helping the stable hands with repair work on the stable doors. It was there that she laid eyes on the most beautiful girl she had ever seen. Hazel brown eyes with long, long lashes on a tanned face with impossibly defined cheekbones, and a laugh that made everyone around her laugh as she tossed her thick, black hair around her shoulders before rearranging it into a plait. It was one of the stable hands. Lexa learnt that her name was Costia; her father had come to England from Greece, and worked with her two brothers in a factory. Lexa would always remember the first time Costia spoke to her, and smiled at the memory.

She had been tidying the equestrian equipment shack, putting newly oiled bridles and saddles in their rightful place. She hadn’t heard the tall beauty also enter the shack behind her, with the bridle and saddle she’d been using that day. 

“Got a saddle and a bridle here. Oh! Hey there, I’m Costia. What do they call you?”

“Well, for goodness sake! I’ve just finished putting them away! Give them here so I can finish up. It’s Lexa.”

“Well, damn! Here, here. Someone wants to finish early today.”

“Maybe I do. It’s my niece’s birth-” Lexa turned to take the saddle and realized who she was talking to “-day…”

Costia raised an eyebrow. “Well, don’t let me keep you.”

Lexa gulped and quickly took the saddle from her, putting it away. Thinking she had left, Lexa had sighed in frustration, hitting the wall, hissing in pain when her knuckles struck a stray nail.

“Ow! Stupid bloody nail! Stupid bloody pretty Greek girl!”

“Excuse me?”

Lexa had frozen, disbelief washing over her oh please god above me no. She had turned painfully slowly to see Costia still stood there, eyebrow raised even higher.

“Oh, you’re still here.”

“I’m still here. I fail to see how it is my fault that the nail hurt your hand. Thanks for calling me pretty though.”

Lexa could feel herself sweating. “Right. About that-“

“Oh! You’re bleeding!”

Lexa blinked, confused, then remembered her hand. There was some blood trickling from where she’d hit the nail. She inspected her hand briefly but didn’t feel it needed immediate attention. 

“It’s fine. Anyway, about earlier-”

“You’re bleeding a lot!”

Lexa frowned “This really is nothing, it’s just a scrape. What? You don’t like blood?”

Costia had taken down a rag from the shack wall, and slowly walked towards Lexa, wrapping it around her hand. Lexa had suddenly found it rather difficult to breathe, and could hear her own heartbeat in her ears. She quickly looked down at the floor, fearing her apparently expressive green eyes would give her away. Instead she chose to watch her hand as Costia stopped the blood from going everywhere. 

“No, I’ve seen blood before.”

“Oh I see. It was getting on the floor. I’m sorry, I’ll clean it up.”

“It’s just a floor.”

The blood had stopped, leaving an angry red graze across Lexa’s knuckles. Costia gently took the rag away, lifting Lexa’s face so their eyes met. Lexa was sure now that she had stopped breathing.

“A-Alright. See, it’s just a little cut.” She’d laughed nervously and cursed herself for being so tongue-tied.

Lexa felt Costia’s thumb brush against her cheek and it felt like every cell in her body was reacting to it. 

“Cut or no cut, I don’t like seeing such a beautiful girl get hurt.” Costia had ghosted her lips over Lexa’s in the gentlest kiss, as if a butterfly’s wings had just fluttered across her lips. 

“See you around…Lexa.” She’d pulled away, smiled seductively and exited the shack, striding with confidence towards the stables.

Lexa had nearly fainted.


	3. A Fresh Start

It had been the best three years of Lexa’s life, being with Costia, only for it all to be cruelly taken from her. Costia hadn’t told her when she got sick, and when she did tell Lexa, it was already too late. Lexa had done her best to care for Costia, spending nearly all of her saved and earned money on doctors visits and medicine until Costia wouldn’t let her buy anymore. It had broken Lexa’s spirit and heart to see the love of her life fade away right before her eyes when she was so powerless to do anything. When news spread of plans to build the biggest ship in the world and sail it to America, Costia was desperate for Lexa to find work on the Titanic. Lexa bluntly refused to even consider leaving Costia, and the prospect of being an entire country away from her made her feel dizzy. It was only when Lexa came back from work one day to find a sombre Anya, who simply gestured into the room where Costia lay, that everything was forced into perspective. 

Lexa had, of course, rushed to Costia’s side “Lexa…I don’t think I have much longer.”

“Don’t say that. We just need to get the doctor out to see you.”

“You can’t afford it, Lexa…”

“I have money.”

“Lexa…”

“I don’t like it when you talk like this.”

“I know.”

“Please let me send for the doctor.”

“Lexa, what could he possibly do? He cannot cure me.”

“He can give you something to help with the pain.”

“Lexa, the pain is going. Fading. Just like me.”

“No, you’re not fading. You’re just sick, and I need to make you better.”

Costia caressed Lexa’s face, tracing the lines in her face that represented her hard work, her laughter and her endless battle to save Costia. “Lexa, you must accept this.”

Lexa’s tears began to fall. “How can I possibly accept this? How can I live without you?”

Costia cried with Lexa. “I don’t want to leave this world without you promising me you’re going to make something of yourself. Please, find work on that magnificent boat, sail it to America. You’ll have a chance at an entirely new life there.”

“I want to stay here, with you.”

“Lexa, I am not going to be here much longer. Soon I’ll be with my mother, and God.”

“It’s not fair. I want to be with you too.”

Costia took Lexa’s face in her hands, wiping away her tears and kissing her again and again. “Lexa, I love you so so much. I love you. I don’t want to leave you. But it is God’s will. You must accept it.”

“I love you. I love you, Costia. I’ll love you forever.”

Costia had smiled through her own tears. “Now, promise me. Promise me you’ll find work on the Titanic. Go to America, see the new world. And be open to love, Lexa. Don’t throw away your chance just because I’m gone. Promise me.”

How could I love anyone but her? Lexa had thought but she had kissed Costia as if she would never kiss her again. “I promise, I’ll find work on the Titanic. I’ll go to America. For you.” 

Costia had died a week later, peacefully, while sleeping. Lexa had been at work and cursed herself for not being there. She drank herself into a stupor daily for a month until Anya had threatened to throw her out of the house and reminded her of her promise to Costia. Finding new determination, Lexa had secured a job on the Titanic the next day, working in the engine rooms, shovelling coal into sweltering hot furnaces that powered the ship. The job would require her to wear pants and shirt, something Lexa had no problem with. When the day arrived, one year later, Lexa made sure she had everything she needed. She left Anya with some money and a kiss on the cheek, and Echo with a new, much more intricate and detailed dog carving. She hadn’t been able to give the horse figurine away. 

The hustle and bustle of the dock as the workers and the passengers crowded around, eager to board the biggest ship in the world, was both deafening and exciting. Lexa smoked a cigarette, given to her by an overly cheerful porter who’d winked at her after lighting it as he whistled away with someone’s luggage. Lexa readjusted her cap that her hair was tucked into, and began to make her way towards the staff entrance to the ship when a blonde blur came crashing, quite literally, into view. Lexa had simply felt a body collide with her own but did not notice until a few seconds later, that the owner of the other body had fallen slightly to the ground. It was a blonde girl. Lexa blinked a little as she took in what the girl was wearing and gulped. She was a first class blonde girl. 

She quickly came to her senses and reached down to help the girl up. “Oh! Oh, I’m really sorry, Miss. Are you alright?”

“Yes, yes I’m alright. It’s not your fault; I wasn’t looking where I was going.” A soft hand took hers and allowed Lexa to pull her back to standing. She looked up at Lexa and Lexa was suddenly gazing into the most beautiful blue eyes she had ever seen. Lexa felt like she was swimming in the ocean she could hear rippling underneath the Titanic. 

The girl looked equally surprised, and Lexa supposed that the pants had given the assumption that she was a boy. She took a moment to look the girl over. She really was quite the beauty. Blonde hair with a natural curl to it, twisted into an updo hat showed off the pale, inviting skin of her neck, those crystal clear blue eyes and a supple, slightly figure that was attracting stares from more than a few bystanders.

The girl was also staring, and Lexa couldn’t help but notice a shade of blush on her cheeks. Perhaps she had been embarrassed that she had fallen? “Are you sure you’re alright, Miss?” 

The girl, who was hurriedly brushing off her dress even though it hadn’t really gotten dirty, nodded quickly. “Yes, yes no harm done. Thank you.” 

Lexa couldn’t stop herself, and smiled, carefully observing the girl’s curiosity in her. Well, how many girls could she have ever seen wearing pants? However she suddenly became aware of the time that was passing and the fact that she needed to report to work as soon as conveniently possible.

“Well, you stay safe now, Miss.”

She almost didn’t hear it but the girl’s voice somehow carried to her. “Thank you.” 

As she rushed to get to the engine room, and was given a brief run-through of her duties and expectations of working for the White Star Line company, she realised that her hair was loose around her shoulders. Her cap must’ve come off when she’d bumped into the blonde girl earlier. Finding her spare cap in her luggage, Lexa rearranged her hair so she was free to begin work and as the shift started, she let her thoughts drift back to the intriguing blonde, wondering what it would feel like to run a hand through such fine hair.


	4. A Chance Encounter

Their first class cabin was amazing. It didn’t feel like she was on a ship at all. She had her own four poster bed, soft carpeted floors, a beautiful wooden armoire for her clothes and a dressing table with complimentary perfumes and beauty lotions. However, Clarke’s thoughts were not on the beautiful room and lodgings she had, nor were they on the fantastic food and dinner service she had experienced with her mother the night before, which included live music. Her father really had paid for the best money could buy in which Clarke couldn’t help but feel was a goodbye gift. However, even her father wasn’t occupying her thoughts today. She just couldn’t stop her mind from wandering to the girl she had bumped into on the docks. Her mother had noticed her distraction but attributed it to the fact that they would be dining with Mr Collins and his father that night. Clarke couldn’t care less that Mr Collins would be at dinner. She’d rather have attended a painting class that was being held on board, longing for the comfort of her easel back at home. She wanted to draw the girl, ‘L. Woods’ whoever she was, almost as if she was proving to herself that she truly existed. 

A knock came at the door, and Clarke drew herself from her thoughts, opening her door to find her mother who let herself into the room and immediately began to rummage through the armoire.

“Clarke, which dress are you going to want for dinner tonight? Remember, Mr Collins will be there.”

“Yes, you keep reminding me. Is the red one in there?”

Clarke’s mother frowned “Oh, Clarke, he’s seen you in that dress twice already.”

“It’s a nice dress.” It was one of Clarke’s favourites, a long red dress with tasteful short, lace sleeves in a delicate floral pattern. 

“I bought you several new dresses just last week, especially for this trip.”

Clarke sighed, knowing there was only one way this discussion was going to end. “Which would you like me to wear, Mother?”

Clarke’s mother hummed in content at her victory. “Well, I was hoping to get you in this lovely lime green at some point, it makes your hair stand out or there’s the pastel pink…such a lovely ladylike colour! Oh and then there’s this stunning blue one I found, matches those eyes of yours…but then there’s this black, very modern…”

Clarke rubbed her eyes as her mother began to drift. “Mother…Mother! The pink. I’ll wear the pink.”

Clarke’s mother blinked and then removed a pastel pink dress, still pristinely wrapped in plastic, from the armoire, laying it out on Clarke’s bed for later. “Marvellous. I’ll be wearing navy blue.”

“But Mr Collins has seen you in that before.” Clarke teased, earning a giggle from her mother.

“Mr Collins isn’t proposing to me, Clarke. When I was seeing your father, I practically wore a new dress for every occasion.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Yes, Mother, I know. And Papa still says he wishes you’d wore the lilac dinner gown twenty times over rather than that horrible cream silk one and the maroon.”

Clarke’s mother looked offended for a minute before she burst into laughter. “The maroon was a disaster. He kept staring at me during dinner as if I’d spilt dinner down it. Did he tell you that he spilt his wine on it on purpose when he kissed me goodnight so I’d never wear it again?”

Clarke giggled with her mother. “Yes, he told me. He said he wished he didn’t have the same idea for the cream silk.”

“He knew very well I’d have killed him if he had! That dress had belonged to my grandmother.”

Clarke bit her lip. “He said it smelled like it belonged to your grandmother.”

Clarke’s mother gasped, still laughing. “The cheek of him! He wasn’t always so dapper you know, my mother had some second thoughts about what he turned up in. He was lucky he was in the running to be a doctor!”

“Yes, he did say he was afraid to wear the brown suit again, he thought grandma would try to set it on fire if he did.”

Clarke’s mother laughed even harder. “She hated that suit. He was very tempted to wear it on our wedding day.”

Later that day, Clarke decided that she’d substitute her missing out on the painting class with a walk on the deck. She wanted to see the ocean. She had planned on painting a scene of the docks and the oceans during the class but she supposed that the real ocean would perhaps offer her even more enjoyment. In her hands she carried the cap of the mysterious girl she’d been unable to free from her mind. It was a simple cap, most likely meant for a boy. Clarke wondered if it belonged to the girl’s sweetheart. It confused her that she didn’t like to think the girl had a sweetheart. Taking a seat at a bench, and breathing in the salty, ocean air, Clarke felt a contentment she hadn’t had in years. The worry of her father’s illness and the idea of soon marrying Mr Collins had put a strain on her that she feared to show. It slowly ate at her, consuming small amounts of her happiness until she had begun to feel like a shell, ready to crack. A cool wind swept up from the sea, making her eyes water, and feeling the tears fall against her cold skin made Clarke feel like she was slowly turning to ice. 

A wisp of her hair had come loose from its up-do and was irritating her face so Clarke took off her hat to put it back into place. The cap in her hands was warm, and Clarke imagined what she would look like in a cap like that. The girl, L. Woods, had probably worn it to keep her hair out of her way. But Clarke had been obsessed with her hair, the long brown curls, the way they cascaded over shoulders and down her back. But the eyes, the deep forest green eyes had followed Clarke into her very dreams, dreams Clarke knew she shouldn’t be having, especially not about someone she’d just met and especially not about a woman. 

Clarke looked down and realised that, in once again daydreaming about the curious stranger, she’d been gripping the cap tightly. Not wanting to crush it, and ruin something that did not belong to her, she quickly began to smooth the cap, taking care to make sure it wasn’t creased. She didn’t notice that someone had approached her, and continued to smooth out the cap.

“Say, isn’t that there my cap?”

Clarke jumped in surprise at the intrusion. “Excuse me?”

She looked up to find herself face to face once again with forest green eyes. It was the girl from the docks. Clarke suddenly felt that her throat was rather dry. The girl was again in a white shirt and pants, wearing a different cap, with coal smudges on her face and her hands in her pockets. She was smirking in amusement.

“The cap. Pretty sure it’s mine, lost it back on the docks.”

Clarke suddenly remembered that she, too, could speak English. “Yes – yes! You bumped into me on the dock, that’s when you dropped it. You don’t remember? Here.” She held out the cap to the girl with a slightly shaking hand. 

The girl took the cap, spinning it in her hands. “Oh yes I remember. Although, I’m sure it’s you that bumped into me.” She winked at Clarke and sat down beside her.

Clarke felt very hot and bothered and couldn’t explain to herself why. She absentmindedly readjusted her sitting position and smiled nervously at the girl she’d been literally dreaming about.

“Yes, yes it was my fault. I’d been meaning to return it to you - the cap I mean.”

The girl laughed. “Well, I’m glad. This one’s my favourite, even got my sister to stitch my name inside.”

Clarke smiled. “I noticed. I was just trying to figure out where I’d be able to find you.”

The girl gestured to the coal smudges on her face. “Engine room.”

Clarke’s eyes widened at the thought of working in the engine room of such a huge vessel, with hot dangerous furnaces and powerful steam machinery.

“Well…I know now for future reference.” Clarke didn’t know why she said that. She suddenly felt very stupid.

The girl offered Clarke her hand. “The name’s Lexa. Lexa Woods. How do you do?”

Clarke smiled tentatively and shook her hand. “Clarke Griffin. Pleased to meet you Lexa.”

Finally, a name for her curious girl. Her curious girl?! Clarke didn’t understand the effect that Lexa had on her. It made her feel how men like Mr Collins were supposed to make her feel. When she went to church, feelings like this for women were described as sinful and wrong. Clarke was in two minds. On one hand, she liked to look at Lexa, to feel her hand in her own, to stare into the deep green eyes and on the other, she was conflicted as to why the church and its followers preached sin to the romantic aspect of her attraction to… a woman.

The girl was looking out at the ocean. “It’s beautiful isn’t it?”

Clarke swallowed and looked back out to the water, her thoughts still on the charming girl before her. “It is.”

Lexa stood, removing her cap, causing her hair to flow gently in the soft breeze before she ran her hand through it and tucked it back under the cap. Clarke felt a surge of disappointment at the prospect of Lexa leaving so soon, as she surely would not see Lexa again a third time. However, Lexa surprised her by again offering her hand. 

“Take a walk with me?”

Clarke couldn’t believe her luck. She tried not to read too much into it but she felt almost honoured that Lexa wanted to walk with her along the dock. She took Lexa’s hand, feeling how strong she was as Lexa helped her up from the bench. They walked to the front of the boat where they could see more of the ocean. They weren’t alone, several people were gathered around, gazing in awe at the expanse of water around them. Lexa had explained along the way that she was allowed up here to take a breath of air every now and then due to the heat and fumes in the engine room where she worked. 

“It’s not so bad, and the work is good. The money’s not bad either. Just got to stay away from the gambling tables below deck so I don’t lose it all.”

“Do you gamble often?”

“No, not often. I do love a game of cards though. But here, the only card games they’ll play is ones when you’re putting in money.”

“So what do you do for fun?”

“I used to carve stuff, out of wood you know? Used to make toys for my niece, stuff for my sister to sell with her flowers. I’m always so busy with jobs, so I don’t do a lot else.”

Clarke mused thoughtfully. “My father loves hand carved figurines. He has a hand carved wooden chess set somewhere.”

Lexa smiled. “A chess set, huh? I’ve never made one of those.”

Clarke’s heart beat faster at the fact she made Lexa smile. “Well, maybe you should.”

Lexa’s smile widened, with the cheeky curve making a reappearance. “Maybe I will.”

They stood in a comfortable silence as they both gazed out at the sea. Clarke could feel Lexa’s presence next to her, and she swore her whole body was humming with excitement. She couldn’t believe she’s encountered her again, and though she knew Lexa would have to go back to work soon, she relished in the moment and sent a silent prayer to whomever was listening that this would not be the last time she ever saw Lexa, no longer a mysterious stranger but perhaps a new friend.


	5. Smoke on the Water

The engine room was so hot. It was so hot. The smoke was making her eyes burn. She had burnt her arms three times already on hot steel. Lexa’s hands could take anything, but her arms weren’t so disciplined. Some of the lads had expressed some concerned looks towards her as she’d yelped at the touch of the hot metal but she’d waved them off, refusing to let her gender be an obstacle. Her boss had approached her and kindly let her take a breath of fresh air.

“Go outside, Lexa, take some air. Fill your lungs. Take a look at that sea. Come back in thirty minutes. Thirty minutes, you hear me?”

“Okay, Louis, I’ll go, I’m going.” She’d wiped off her hands and headed towards the main deck. 

Walking up, she could smell the sea and she pictured the deep blue tones of it, her thoughts inexplicably going to the girl she’d bumped into at the docks. Why she was thinking of her she didn’t know, but Lexa mused that it was her eyes that reminded her of the water. They were such a lovely shade of blue, unlike any kind of blue eyes she had ever seen. Was she attracted to the girl? Well sure. She was an elegant first class beauty, a taste Lexa would never ever even hope to know. Her fine looks made her a handsome girl indeed, but Lexa knew better than to hunger after something she couldn’t have. She briefly thought of Costia, and her promise to her that she’d be open to love. Lexa hadn’t been with anybody since Costia had passed away. Her mind conjured up a mirage of images of being with the blonde girl from the docks, of smooth pale skin gliding across her own, of plush soft lips gently dancing with hers, of sultry, enchanting blue eyes looking deeply at her in a moment of ecstasy and even smooth, charming Lexa couldn’t stop the furious blush that crept onto her cheeks. It would be an honour indeed to charm the first class girl into bed but Lexa was also a gentleman, in the sense that she could never seduce a girl into a seedy sexual encounter, only to leave her with nothing afterwards. She was no Gus. That was something the boys lured the girl into back where she lived with Anya. 

She reached the deck feeling even more hot and bothered than she had when she’d left the engine room. As she took a deep breath of the salty ocean air, she saw a flash of blonde hair ahead of her on the deck and her heart beat a little faster. Could it be her? Lexa knew it was silly to think it could be the same blonde girl that she’d been thinking of mere seconds ago but curiously followed the blonde. She had taken a seat at a bench and was holding something in her hands. Lexa recognised it immediately. It was her cap, the cap she’d lost at the docks when she’d bumped into the girl. Upon closer, discreet inspection she realised that it was the girl she was thinking of. She was smoothing out the cap and Lexa, not knowing if this was a wise move or not considering the class distance between them, decided to approach her. 

“Say, isn’t that there my cap?” She tried to be as smooth as possible; she didn’t want to scare the girl away. She put on her best easy smile. 

The girl was startled nonetheless, despite Lexa’s efforts. “Excuse me?”

Lexa smiled, hoping to reassure the girl. “The cap. Pretty sure it’s mine, lost it back on the docks.”

“Yes – yes! You bumped into me on the dock, that’s when you dropped it. You don’t remember? Here.” She handed the cap to Lexa, her nervousness betrayed by a slight shake to her hands.

Lexa took the cap, spinning the familiar item in her hands. “Oh yes I remember. Although, I’m sure it’s you that bumped into me.” She winked at Clarke and sat down beside her, hoping that when the girl shuffled slightly away from her, it wasn’t because she’d made her uncomfortable or because she was working class.

The girl was wearing a beautiful smoke grey dress, with a similar coloured shawl draped around her to protect her from the cool breeze. “Yes, yes it was my fault. I’d been meaning to return it to you - the cap I mean.”

Lexa laughed, imagining the first class girl, being worried about finding the cap and how to return it to her. “Well, I’m glad. This one’s my favourite, even got my sister to stitch my name inside.”

The girl smiled and nodded slightly. “I noticed. I was just trying to figure out where I’d be able to find you.”

Lexa remembered that they were not, in fact, the only two people on the Earth, but on the biggest ship in the world with thousands of passengers. She gestured to the coal smudges on her face. “Engine room.”

The girl’s eyes widened and Lexa was glad that the gravity of her work was appreciated and perhaps admired by her.

“Well…I know now for future reference.” The girl suddenly frowned and looked away, as if she had embarrassed herself.

Not wanting the girl to feel that way, Lexa diverted the attention to the fact that they still didn’t know each other’s name. She offered her hand. “The name’s Lexa. Lexa Woods. How do you do?”

The girl smiled, and to Lexa’s relief, shook her hand. “Clarke Griffin. Pleased to meet you Lexa.”

Clarke. What an interesting name. Lexa had never heard of anyone called Clarke, and yet it suited the girl entirely. Her smile, whilst guarded, was radiant and made her features even more pleasing to the eye. Her eyes, even more beautiful than Lexa remembered, sparkled like the ocean around them and before she could stop herself she’d breathed out her inner thoughts.

“It’s beautiful…” She quickly looked from Clarke’s face to the water “…isn’t it?”

Clarke also looked at the water and nodded in agreement. “It is.”

Lexa stood, removing her cap and running her hand through her thick hair, tucking it back under the cap. Before she really thought about what she was doing, she had again offered her hand to Clarke “Take a walk with me?”

As they walked towards the front area of the deck, Lexa explained to Clarke why she was allowed up here for small breaks from the engine work. She talked briefly about the money she earned, and the gambling tables below deck that the working class people used for fun but she didn’t want all they talked about to be money. She didn’t want Clarke to feel uncomfortable with being so much obviously richer than she was. 

“So what do you do for fun?”

“I used to carve stuff, out of wood you know? Used to make toys for my niece, stuff for my sister to sell with her flowers. I’m always so busy with jobs, so I don’t do a lot else.”

Lexa didn’t know if her wood carving was a hobby to be admired but Clarke had smiled in response, seeming to be briefly deep in thought before she answered. “My father loves hand carved figurines. He has a hand carved wooden chess set somewhere.”

Lexa smiled, and thought about how hard it would be to make a chess set herself. Not that hard. “A chess set, huh? I’ve never made one of those.”

Clarke cocked her head to one side, and said almost playfully. “Well, maybe you should.”

Lexa’s whole body had surged at the tone of Clarke’s voice, an idea forming in her head that she’d make a chess set for Clarke. Smirking secretively as she formed her plan in her head, she said in an equally mischievous manner “Maybe I will.”

Lexa knew she would have to go back to the engine room soon. She was pretty sure she’d already surpassed her thirty minutes and Louis would blow a gasket if she was gone for very much longer. She lingered in the moment at present, enjoying Clarke’s presence beside her. She hadn’t felt this way for a very long time, and she wondered if her attraction to Clarke was a sign that she was finally moving on. Costia had, after all, wanted Lexa to live her life to the absolute fullest and maybe Clarke was something… new in her life but Lexa knew that she didn’t want this to be the last time she saw her.

“Say, do you want to do this again sometime?”

Clarke’s eyebrows rose in surprise but were followed by a warm smile, which lit up her eyes. “I’d like that.”

“I have to be getting back. Don’t want my boss to be mad.”

Clarke nodded quietly. “I understand. I’d hate for you to get into trouble on my account.”

“Same time, same place, tomorrow?” Lexa cocked her head to the side, her curving smile winning Clarke over.

Clarke bit her lip ever so slightly causing Lexa’s breath hitch in her throat as her mind created erotic implications from just a simple expression on Clarke’s face. 

“I’ll be here.” 

Clarke offered her hand to Lexa, expecting a handshake as a goodbye but Lexa took her hand gently, and pressed her lips softly to the smooth skin. Clarke gasped slightly at the forward interaction but didn’t pull her hand away. Lexa lifted her eyes to meet Clarke’s and released her hand before walking away, turning back only once to wink at her and wave. Lexa knew she was playing a dangerous game as she headed back towards the engine room, and all the hot steam and painful burns in the world couldn’t wipe the smile off her face as she realised that it was a game she was very willing to play.


	6. A Growing Attraction

Clarke was giddy with a feeling she couldn’t quite recognise as she watched Lexa walk away after kissing her hand. She had kissed her hand! Clarke wasn’t sure what that meant but the back of her hand felt pleasantly hot where Lexa’s lips had grazed it. She raised her hand to her own lips, wondering if she would ever feel Lexa’s kiss against her mouth, hot and passionate, pushing any thoughts of religious sin or moral obligations out of her mind. Maybe it was wrong, for her to have these desires for another woman. Maybe she didn’t care. Mr Collins had kissed her hand a hundred times, and never had she felt the jolt of electricity that ran through her body when Lexa had kissed her hand, and looked up into her eyes, almost as if she was daring Clarke to say something, daring Clarke to make the next move.

As she got ready for dinner that night, Clarke wished it was Lexa she was dining with that night, blissfully picturing them getting to know each other, conversing late into the night. Mr Collins had a terrible habit of talking over people, especially women and when she did get a chance to talk, he seemed to take great pleasure in demeaning anything she had to say. Clarke grew bored with his talk of how rich he was, how his wealth was growing and his aims for the future of the iron manufacturing company. As she dressed herself in the pastel pink dress, she admired the shape of it in the looking glass. Her mother did have a good taste. The dress hung tastefully on her slim frame, with the pink making her pale skin glow in comparison to the light colour. The neckline was ladylike and chaste, which Clarke paired with a beautiful silver necklace her father had given her on her 18th birthday. 

Entering the dining room, and hearing the live music calmed Clarke as her nerves threatened to bubble to the surface when she saw Mr Collins and his father sat at the table. Her mother squeezed her arm reassuringly and made her way over to the table, allowing Mr Collins’ father to seat her. Clarke approached the table, and also allowed Mr Collins to seat her. He was wearing a new black suit and waistcoat with a silver pocket watch on a chain. His mid length hair was combed stylishly and as usual he greeted Clarke with a hungry stare before returning his attention to wine being served. Her mother had already begun small talk with Mr Collins’ father and Clarke focused herself on the topic at hand. She groaned inwardly as she heard that it was the working class people on board the ship that they were currently talking about. Mr Collins and his father were notoriously pompous people, and had very cutting opinions about how the working class should be treated. It was not a discussion Clarke looked forward to with them, especially not now as she associated working class with one of the most beautiful people she had ever seen, Lexa.

Mr Collins laughed condescendingly as Clarke’s mother suggested that the working class could use a break from poverty, and the Titanic was a good example. “They should never have been allowed on board. This is a first class, White Star Line cruiser.”

Clarke frowned. “Shouldn’t everybody be able to experience first class at some point in their lives, Mr Collins?”

Mr Collins snorted, cutting vigorously through his beef. “If they can pay for it, perhaps. We shouldn’t have to share this cruise with them nonetheless.”

“And why not?”

Mr Collins looked at her as if she was asking the silliest questions. “Because, my darling, this is the maiden voyage of the biggest ship in the world. Such excellent creations are for the likes of you and I, not those coal smudged cretins.”

Clarke felt her blood heat up as she pictured Lexa with her coal smudged face, which to Clarke represented hard work not poverty. However, before she could say another word, his father chipped in.

“Now, Finn, cretins isn’t quite the way we want to describe them, is it? Without them, we would have no work force.”

Mr Collins nodded his agreement. “Quite right, Father. However, it is what they are born for is it not? Why else would they be called working class?”

Clarke swallowed her chicken salad too quickly in her anger, and had to excuse herself while she coughed. “Born for? Mr Collins, how can you say such a thing? We are placed on this Earth as God sees fit, it is not up to us which lives we lead.”

Mr Collins’ father nodded earnestly in agreement. “A very valid point, Miss Griffin! I must say, Abigail, you’ve raised a very fine girl indeed. I've never known a girl so in tune with our obligations to The Holy Father!”

Mr Collins sneered as her mother expressed her thanks. “Yes, to be god-fearing is a great value, however the working class must play the hand they’ve been dealt. It is not I that is responsible for their poverty; therefore it should not be I that pays for luxuries above their station.”

“However, it is you that is responsible for how much they earn.”

Mr Collins’ father cleared his throat. “Now, Miss Griffin, I was just beginning to warm to you” he said in a stern tone, like he was telling off a child “a man’s business and finances are not subjects for the dining table.”

And yet your beloved son does so love to bring it up Clarke thought bitterly. Instead she held her tongue, sweetly nodded and continued to eat her appetizer. She knew that if she expressed her real opinions her mother would kill her right there and then. Dinner passed by with not much else to discuss. Mr Collins disapproved of Clarke pondering whether or not to order a dessert, snidely commenting that she already filled her dress as it was meant to be filled, and at a warning look from her mother; Clarke chose not to order any, despite her longing for the vanilla cheesecake. When dinner was over, he helped her into her coat, kissed her on the cheek and wished her a good night before heading to his lodgings with his father. Clarke hurriedly wiped the space on her cheek he had kissed, as if it had tainted her skin, before she too headed towards her own lodgings.

The next day, the sun shone brightly into her room, waking her early. She had time to attend a live classical music session which she enjoyed thoroughly and she joined her mother for mid-morning tea before she directed herself to the main deck, excited to see Lexa again. She walked out to one of the railings and leaned against the cold metal, watching the sea churn underneath the powerful vessel, driving up sea spray that became a gentle mist on her face. She felt someone stand next to her and she smiled, hoping it was Lexa. But when she turned, she instead laid eyes on another girl, also in a shirt and pants, with reddish brown hair tied tightly into a ponytail high on her head, smoking a cigarette as she looked out at the water. She was a similar build to Lexa but was somewhat curvier, which made her no less attractive. She had rich tan coloured skin, darker than Lexa’s and sharper features, with big, inquisitive brown eyes that darted around as if she could see the very particles in the air.

“You want a smoke?” The girl spoke, she had an accent Clarke couldn’t quite place, it was English but she spoke as if she came from London but her parents did not.

Clarke realised she had yet to acknowledge the girl. “Pardon?”

“I said do you want a smoke? Or are you staring at my pretty face?” The girl turned to face her, her stance almost aggressive if she hadn’t been smaller than Clarke, a frown on her face.

“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to offend you.” Clarke made to move away from the railing but the girl caught her arm, making Clarke raise wide, concerned eyes to meet the other girl’s.

“Ah shucks, I’m sorry. That was real rude of me. I’m Raven.” She boldly stuck out her hand to Clarke.

Clarke shook it firmly, determined to show Raven she wasn’t afraid of her. “Clarke. It’s alright.”

Rave took a long drag of her cigarette. “I get real antsy being below deck, ya know? It makes me a little frustrated, kinda stressed out, ya know?”

“Do you work down there?”

“What, below deck? No not me. Won my ticket in a game of poker, I did. You ever play poker?” 

This girl was positively the most animated, strange creature Clarke had ever met. She shook her head, unable to come up with a reply. Raven took another long drag before she threw the finished butt out into the water.

“I’m gonna make myself in America, see? It’s the land of dreams, you ever hear people call it that? The land of dreams. I’m gonna make myself there.”

Clarke became conscious of the time wasting away and didn’t want Lexa to think she’d forgotten to meet her. “That sounds wonderful, Raven, it was lovely to meet you. I really must be going now, bye bye.”

As Clarke inched herself away, Raven jogged to catch up with her. “Look, I’m really sorry about before. I didn’t mean to snap at ya, honest.”

Clarke smiled kindly. “It’s alright, Raven, I won’t hold it against you. But I really do have to go, someone’s expecting me.”

Raven grinned. “Ah shucks, sorry ‘bout that. I’ll see ya around then, huh?” Before Clarke could answer she took off running, and Clarke couldn’t help but giggle at the strange encounter as she made her way towards the front deck.

She found a vacant bench, and not seeing Lexa anywhere just yet, she sat down, still musing over her interaction with Raven which made her giggle again at some of the things the girl had said and the erratic way she had said them.

“Well, there you are.” Clarke looked up to see Lexa leaning over her, eating an apple and smiling at her.

Clarke stood anxiously. “I haven’t kept you waiting, have I?”

Lexa sighed dramatically. “Only an entire five minutes…” She winked at Clarke and sat down next to her, just like when they’d first spoken to each other.

Clarke smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry, I was…delayed momentarily.”

They spent the next twenty minutes learning all about each other. Clarke told Lexa all about her father and his brilliant work as a doctor but also about how clever he was, and his value of the pursuit of knowledge, with his great collector’s library that she spent a lot of her childhood in as he worked in his study, and she talked about her mother, the great social butterfly and fashion fanatic. Lexa in turn talked about her life working in and out of different jobs, in stables, blacksmiths, shops, factories, and her sister’s flower stall. She talked some more about her carvings, and she even talked about her sister and Echo. Clarke was enchanted by the stories of family Lexa told, having been an only child she had had no playmate, no sibling to rely on and Lexa was fascinated by Clarke’s stories of her father, how she came alive when she spoke of him and the inspiration that he sparked in her as she grew up.

Lexa didn’t mention Costia, she didn’t know why but she wasn’t sure she was ready to share Costia with anyone just yet, despite her growing attraction to Clarke. Clarke didn’t mention her father’s illness or her courtship with Mr Collins, she didn’t feel it necessary and she was still desperately trying to interpret what she felt for this girl she had just met and yet the connection between them was undeniable. She just couldn’t bring up her father’s being unwell as it brought fresh sadness to the forefront of her mind and her courtship with Mr Collins made her wish all the more that she could seek solace in Lexa’s arms. Both women could sense that the other was holding something back but neither pressed the other to disclose it. When it came to be time for Lexa to go back to work, they again arranged to meet the next day, at the same time and place. As she watched Lexa’s retreating back, Clarke once again found herself looking up at the sky but instead of praying she sent many a question: why was it so wrong, what she was feeling for Lexa? Why was it a sin? Lexa made her happy, why could that ever be considered a bad thing? Clarke wasn’t sure she’d ever get an answer, but it was at that point that she made the decision that she just didn’t care.


	7. A Comrade and a Confession

What was she doing? Lexa paused; halfway through carving a rook piece for the chess set she was going to make for Clarke. Would Clarke even like the chess set? What was Lexa trying to achieve? She had no hope in hell of wooing her, and yet here she was, carving a chess set for her. Lexa sighed, setting down her knife and the unfinished wood piece. It was late at night, she’d been unable to sleep and she’d run out of cigarettes. She considered going down to see if anyone was at the card tables but she didn’t feel like losing any money, and she was doubtful anyone else would be awake. Resigning herself to a nightly stroll along the deck, Lexa pulled on her shirt and pants, and took her thick coat with her to shield her from the bitterly cold air. 

As she approached the railing, she observed her breath coming out from her in clouds of misty steam, as if she was smoking. She wished she was. The water looked eerie and black at night, as if they were sailing on hot oil. Lexa’s father had worked on an oil rig, before he died. He hated the stuff, always said it would be the downfall of mankind but he sure had loved the smell of it. Lexa was surprised as she peered down at the rest of the deck to see that she wasn’t alone. Another figure was leaning against the railing not far from where she stood, and they were smoking. Lexa wasn’t a beggar, and she wasn’t one to ever ask for anything outright unless she was desperate, but she wanted a smoke, and right now, she didn’t have any. She casually strode up to the stranger, who was soon revealed to be a girl of what looked like Italian descent with tan brown skin, and deep chocolate brown eyes, also wearing a white shirt and pants. Lexa wondered if she worked in the engine room too, but she had never seen her before. She smiled warmly at her.

“Hello there. Mind if I join you?” The girl shrugged, ashing her cigarette.

“You can do as you please.” Lexa frowned at her hostility but didn’t back down.

“Mighty fine night, don’t you think?”

“Can I help you with something?” 

Lexa blinked. Perhaps she’d spending so much time with mild mannered Clarke that she’d forgotten other people weren’t so polite.

“No.” She replied bluntly, averting her attention the black water below them.

“You sure asks a lot of questions.” The girl took a long drag of her cigarette, flicking the butt into the water.

“I asked you two questions.” Lexa replied curtly, her response reminding her of how Clarke would deal with this rude stranger, causing a smile to play on her lips.

“I was minding my own business, enjoying my smoke, then you comes and starts asking me questions.” The girl continued to grumble.

“Oh for Pete’s sake!” Lexa cried, unable to take the whining anymore “I’m sorry I interrupted your smoke, stop beating my arse over it will ya?”

The girl stopped mumbling to herself and laughed. “Well, sorry stranger. Here, for your trouble.” She handed Lexa a roughly rolled cigarette and struck a match, lighting it for her. 

“I don’t have one of them fancy lighters, but I’m gonna get me one when we get to America. But my Pop always said, cigarettes should be lit with a match, that’s what they were made for. My Pop loved his smokes, he knew.”

Lexa took a long long drag on the cigarette, savouring the earthy taste of the tobacco, breathing out the smoke slowly, feeling herself warm up a little.

“You work below deck?” She asked the girl.

“Who, me? Nay, Smudge, I’m just another passenger.”

“Smudge?” 

The girl laughed at her and pointed to Lexa’s right cheek, where she wiped off some coal dust. “You covered in coal smudges, see? So I’m gonna call you Smudge. You alright with that?”

She reminded Lexa of a scrappy little dog, always spoiling for a fight with the bigger dogs but wanting to be friends with all the humans so it was fed. The analogy her mind came up with made her chuckle as she drew on the cigarette again.

“Smudge, huh? And what do I call you?”

The girl proudly stuck out her hand. “You can call me Raven.”

Lexa shook her hand, noticing that it was just as calloused as her own, which meant this girl was no stranger to hard work. “Well, Raven, when you get bored of Smudge, you can call me Lexa.”

The girl laughed “I surely will” and winked at Lexa. Was this…flirting? Lexa couldn’t tell. 

Raven lit up another cigarette as Lexa took her time finishing her own, not wanting to assume her curious new friend would grant her another. They smoked in silence as the ocean waves lapped against the boat, and the wind whistled slightly through the deck. Raven mimicked the sound, a low whistle crooning from her lips.

Raven suddenly looked at her and broke the silence. “Was you looking for a good time when you came up at me?” 

Lexa was quite shocked and bow bold she was. “Say what now?”

“When you came up, was you looking for a good time?” Lexa couldn’t believe it. Not only had this Raven picked up that Lexa liked women, but she thought Lexa wanted her for the night? 

“I’m sorry? That wasn’t my intention.”

Raven waved off the apology. “Don’t be saying sorry. Church makes us sorry enough for who we are. My Pop told me I was gon’ burn with the devil fire. But damn did I love her.”

Lexa was shocked for a second time at Raven’s openness. “H-Her?”

“Oh, come on now, Smudge. We both on the same page here. You like the lady folk, I like the lady folk. Ain’t nothing to be ashamed of, but we keep it quiet because people not like us don’t understand.”

Lexa nodded quickly, looking around despite herself. They were completely alone. She looked back at Raven who was smirking. “What?”

“You ever been with a lady, Smudge?”

Lexa raised an eyebrow. “Of course I have. And you?”

Raven laughed, then sighed. “I surely have. She was beautiful too. My Pop damn made sure I never saw her again. Miss Octavia Blake. Lived across the street. My Pop had dreams for me to take a shine to her brother, Bellamy. I mean, sure Bellamy a handsome boy but he ain’t his sister. She love me too, ya know? She gon’ take the next voyage to America and we gon’ make it together.”

There was a sad hopefulness in Raven’s voice as she went on to describe the beautiful woman that made her eyes glisten, which alluded to Lexa that Miss Octavia Blake was not in fact coming on the next voyage, and that Raven was instead being foolish but incredibly brave. She finished her cigarette and tossed it over the side of the ship. She barely heard Raven’s next question.

“You ever love somebody like that?” 

Lexa smiled in thought of her Costia. “Yes, I have. Her name was Costia. But she’s gone now.”

Raven’s eyes widened. “You mean she gone with a fella?”

Lexa shook her head, and pointed towards the stars. “No, she’s up there now. I lost her last year.”

Raven shook her head sadly. “Oh, Smudge, I am truly sorry.”

Without warning, Clarke entered Lexa’s mind, and Lexa didn’t feel sad anymore. “It’s alright. I think something new is on the horizon for me.”

Raven draped her arm around Lexa’s shoulders. “Well, amen to that, Smudge. You and me, we stick together, everything will be okay.”

Lexa laughed. “Well, alright.”

Raven offered her another cigarette, lighting up her third. “This is it, Smudge, I ain’t got no more smokes.”

Lexa nodded as she drew on the cigarette, relishing in the warmth it brought to her lungs. “I’ll buy us some more tomorrow.” 

“So, are you gon’ tell me about these new horizons, Smudge?”

Before she knew it, Lexa was gushing to Raven about Clarke, about their meeting by chance, about how they’d been spending time together, about her insecurities knowing that Clarke was a first class socialite and Lexa was a working class engine room girl, and that a romance between them would be preposterous and yet how Lexa wanted it, how Lexa felt guilty about moving on from Costia and how she feared Clarke’s reaction should she find out that Lexa’s attraction to her breached friendship? Raven listened patiently to it all, giving Lexa interesting tips and advice where she could and most of all encouraging Lexa to pursue it.

“What’s the point in life if we’re not gonna grab it by the horns?”

Lexa finished her last cigarette. “Surely, as my friend, you are supposed to talk me out of wooing a first class, rich as hell, city girl?”

Raven shrugged. “I wouldn’t be very Italian if I did. I live for romance, Smudge! So should you! Take it while you have it!”

As they walked back inside together, Lexa asked raven if she wanted to room with her instead of sleep in a crowded bunk room. Raven eagerly agreed, as Lexa had nicer living quarters due to being staff of the engine room. As they drifted off to sleep, Lexa turned to Raven.

“What if it all goes wrong? I could end up in serious trouble.”

Raven chuckled, tucking some of Lexa’s hair behind her ear. “Look, Smudge, I think you’re stressing too much. It will be alright” She turned over with her back to Lexa so she couldn’t see her wide grin “besides, when I bumped into Miss Clarke Griffin the other day, she couldn’t wait to get herself to your little meeting.”

Lexa relaxed a little, her heat skipping at the idea of Clarke being eager to see her before the entirety of Raven’s sentence sunk in. Clarke had been eager to see her when Raven bumped into her. When Raven bumped into her….

“Hold one fast minute, what did you just say?!”

Raven simply burst into a fit of uncontrollable giggles as Lexa hit her with her pillow, grumpy that Raven had known who she was talking about the entire time.


	8. Falling For Her

Clarke was just about to head to the decks when she was intercepted by Mr Collins’ associate, Mr Jasper Jordan. Mr Jordan was a nasty thug of a man, who looked unassuming and less than strong, however he was thin as a whip and twice as mean. He attended to Mr Collins and made sure that everything he needed was in order. He was a glorified bodyguard, a means to protect Mr Collins from the working class people he so openly despised. Mr Jordan was not a great fan of Clarke and the feeling was mutual, ever since one of her attendees back in England had spilt a drop of wine on the tablecloth near his hand during a dinner he had been allowed to join and he had responded with a sudden bout of violent anger, standing up and striking him across the face. Clarke had been visibly upset by the act, and Clarke’s father had immediately removed him from the household and warned Mr Collins that his lackey was not welcome to return. Mr Collins had presumably reprimanded Mr Jordan quite severely and a rumour did reach Clarke that his salary had been lowered considerably, and therefore Mr Jordan blamed his punishment on Clarke’s ‘hysterics’ as he called them.

When she bumped into him as she left her room, she raised an eyebrow. “Can I help you, Mr Jordan?”

He was leaning against the wall next to her door, an unlit cigarette between his teeth. “Mr Collins has heard tell that you’re out and about on this boat an awful lot.”

Clarke sighed. Her mother had been talking to Mr Collins’ father again. She knew her mother meant well but she couldn’t help but feel disappointed in her. Clarke didn’t need Mr Collins knowing all of her business, and she definitely didn’t want him to find out about Lexa. 

“Am I expected to be confined to my room for the entire trip?”

Mr Jordan lit his cigarette, taking a long drag before he spoke. “Why, of course not, Miss Griffin. Mr Collins is simply concerned with your safety is all.”

“I’m perfectly safe, thank you Mr Jordan. Have a nice day.” She moved to leave but he stood in her way.

“You may think you are, Miss Griffin, but Mr Collins wants to be absolutely sure. He’s asked me to keep you company when you’re out and about.”

Clarke sighed. “I’m not sure this is necessary, Mr Jordan…”

Mr Jordan blew smoke in her face and waved his hand dismissively. “Mr Collins is sure, Miss Griffin. I have my orders. Now you do too.”

Clarke frowned in indignation. “I suggest you remind yourself of who you are talking to, Mr Jordan! Mr Collins may have been courting me for the past year but he does not order me to do anything, and neither do you for that matter!”

A dark look crossed his face for a moment, and Clarke was briefly afraid, but thinking of Lexa made her feel brave. She stood her ground, straightening her back and staring Mr Jordan directly in the eye. 

“With all due respect, Miss Griffin, I do as Mr Collins asks of me. I don’t answer to you.”

Clarke shifted on her feet, anxious to get to Lexa. “Very well. Tell Mr Collins that whilst I appreciate his concern, it is not needed. Good day.”

She turned on her heel and left for the deck, forcing herself to keep her eyes straight, not to turn around and check that Mr Jordan was following her. However, when she could smell the salt in the air as she reached the open air of the deck, she relaxed, knowing that if Mr Jordan had been following her, he would’ve caught up with her by now. She raced to the bench she usually saw Lexa at, but was crestfallen to see that she wasn’t there, and Clarke knew Mr Jordan had delayed her a good ten minutes. 

She looked around, and saw two people in shirts and pants smoking as they leaned against the railings of the deck. She recognised one of them as the strange girl, Raven, she’d met just the other day and the other person she was with was…Lexa? A sudden pang of jealousy hit Clarke. Why was Lexa with this Raven girl? Had she grown bored of spending time with Clarke? Was she deterred by Clarke’s social status? A thousand thoughts were racing through Clarke’s mind and she didn’t know which to latch onto. She felt like she’d been floating ever since she met Lexa and now it felt like she was teetering over the edge, about to come crashing down. The Raven girl looked up and made eye contact with Clarke, and smirking, she nudged Lexa. Clarke didn’t know what the smirk meant, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to find out.

Lexa looked up and smiled, her eyes coming to life. “Clarke! Clarke, over here!”

Clarke walked towards the waving girl, smiling sweetly. “Hello, Lexa. Hello, Raven.”

Rave nodded in Clarke’s direction, turning back the sea and continuing to smoke her cigarette. Meanwhile, Lexa had extinguished hers, and was looking at Clarke attentively. 

“Clarke? Are you alright?” She gently stroked a wisp of Clarke’s hair behind her ear. 

Clarke’s body responded immediately to Lexa making contact with her skin. The area behind her ear where Lexa has stroked was tingling pleasantly and Clarke had to fight hard to suppress closing her eyes and moaning. 

“Yes, I’m alright. I’m sorry I’m late. Do you have to go back to the engine room?” 

Lexa smiled. “Not today. Today’s a free day for me. That’s why me and Raven here are just enjoying a smoke.”

Clarke nodded in acknowledgement but couldn’t help still feeling jealous, and before she’d though about what she was saying, her jealousy was taking over. “Well, don’t let me keep you. I should go.”

As she turned to leave, Lexa gently caught her arm, with a concerned look on her face. “What? Why?”

Clarke looked between Raven and Lexa. “I don’t want to interrupt your day with Raven.”

It seemed to dawn on Lexa what Clarke was implying. “No, no, Clarke, me and Raven was just enjoying a smoke. Nothing else I promise!”

Clarke blinked. Could Lexa possibly harbour the same feelings towards her that she felt for Lexa? She almost seemed shocked that Clarke was insinuating a romantic relationship between herself and Raven. Clarke’s jealousy dissipated almost instantly, replaced with her heart fluttering in excitement. She placed her hand on Lexa’s, feeling the heat of her body and taking care to watch Lexa’s facial expressions, and smiling as she watched Lexa’s pupils dilate and her breath hitch.

“It’s alright, Lexa, I’ll stay.” 

They walked back to where Raven stood, still leaning against the railing, her cigarette now finished, an amused look on her face.

“Well well well, if it isn’t the nice blonde lady?” Raven laughed and stuck out her hand “name’s Raven.”

Clarke frowned. “I know. We met the other day.”

Lexa burst out laughing. “Ha! You owe me 5 dollars! I knew she’d remember you.”

Raven looked genuinely surprised. “Oh, please, Smudge.” She waved off Lexa laughing at her and stalked towards a bench, draping herself over it casually, picking at her nails. 

Clarke raised an eyebrow at Lexa as she joined her at the railing, looking out at the sea. Lexa looked so beautiful. She was wearing her usual black pants and white shirt, but today she had on old looking suspenders and had foregone the cap, so her long, wild hair was free to flow in the sea breeze. Clarke gazed at it momentarily, the way it danced in the wind hypnotising her until she came to her senses before Lexa caught her staring and looked back out at the ocean. There had been talk of people spotting dolphins surfacing next the ship and she was dying to be able to see one herself. 

“Sorry ‘bout that. Raven was convinced you wouldn’t remember who she was.”

“How do you know Raven, Lexa?” Clarke couldn’t stop herself from asking.

Lexa sighed. “We really are just friends, Clarke. We met not long ago but we have a lot in common. We room together. She’s the friend I’ve needed for a long time.”

Clarke frowned. If Raven was what Lexa thought she needed, what was Clarke to Lexa? “Oh.”

Lexa picked up on Clarke’s anxiety and turned to face her. “We’re friends too, right Clarke? You and me, we’re friends?” 

Clarke was a little taken aback. “Of course we are! What on Earth made you think we weren’t?”

Lexa didn’t answer for a long time, staring at the floor. Then “Because I’m lower than you.”

Clarke gasped and without thinking took Lexa’s face in her hand. They were impossibly close and a few people around them glanced nervously at them, or threw filthy looks, and there were even a few mumbles of discontent. 

“Lexa! You must never think that I am one of those people! We may be separated by class, but I assure you it does not change how I feel about you.” She stopped herself quickly before she said something she’d regret.

Lexa’s breathing was getting faster and faster, only slowing as Clarke removed her hands from her face and turned back to the railing.

“Kiss her!” A voice called from somewhere far away, unmistakeably Raven’s. Lexa turned and glared at her, thankfully realising Clarke hadn’t heard her. Raven simply stuck out her tongue at Lexa and lit up a cigarette. 

Clarke pressed herself against the railings, leaning out as far as she could go, wishing that a dolphin would suddenly appear, but not wanting to lean out too far in case she fell into the water. Lexa smiled at Clarke’s antics.

“What are you looking for, Clarke?”

“Dolphins. I want to see the dolphins.” Clarke tried to lean out again but chickened out at the last minute as a spray of water came up the railing.

Seeing an opportunity, Lexa came up behind Clarke, pressing herself into the back of her body. Clarke gasped at the contact and tried to turn around but Lexa placed her hand on Clarke’s hands, on the railings. 

“Lean out. Look for the dolphins. You can’t fall with me here behind you. I’ve got you.”

Clarke relaxed against Lexa. She felt safe. “You won’t let me fall in?”

“I would never let you fall in. And even if you did, I’d dive right in after you.”

“You’d do that for me?”

“Of course I would.”

Clarke leaned out even further and Lexa’s heart leapt at the joy of Clarke trusting her. She pressed herself a little harder into Clarke, half wanting to make sure she didn’t fall, and half wanting to feel more of the other girl. Clarke sighed.

“I don’t think the dolphins are here today. Maybe they’ll come back. The breeze does feel good on my skin though…”

Her hands left the railing as she leaned out with her arms outstretched, encouraging Lexa to put her arms around her waist so she definitely wouldn’t fall. Clarke didn’t move or tell Lexa to move her arms. She just laughed, enjoying the wind against her face, enjoying the feel of Lexa’s strong body and arms holding her. She didn’t want the moment to end. She knew Lexa wouldn’t ever let her fall, but the truth was, as she looked back into Lexa’s eyes while she also laughed, holding Clarke firmly, her green eyes twinkling with her happiness, Clarke knew she already had.


	9. Questions but No Answers

This had to be what going to Heaven felt like. Lexa truly envied Costia if this was her new reality. Clarke felt warm beneath her hands as she stretched out her arms, letting the sea breeze run through her hair. The blonde curls had come loose from their styling, and now locks of sweet smelling, golden hair were brushing against Lexa’s face. Honey and sea breeze, that’s what her hair smelt like, like coming home after a long journey. Clarke was laughing, the dolphins long forgotten. Lexa’s breath hitched as Clarke turned to look at her, an expression of pure joy in her eyes. She tightened her grip ever so slightly, and closed her eyes, revelling in the moment before it would soon end. She never wanted to let Clarke go. 

After the breeze had become slightly too cold for Clarke, they waked together to the bench where Raven had fallen asleep, her cap covering her face, yet failing to conceal her loud snores. Clarke giggled as Lexa shook her to wake her up.

“Wha-What happened?” She looked around, bristling for a fight but relaxed when she realised it was only Lexa and Clarke. She punched Lexa in the arm. “Damn you! I was having such a good dream!”

“Ow! Oh yeah?” Lexa winked at Clarke, making her blush. 

“Yeah! Me and Mary Pickford was having a real good time, if you catch my drift.”

Clarke blushed even harder. “Oh my…”

Raven grinned. “What? Too much for your little princess there, Smudge?”

Lexa scowled at Raven and punched her in the arm. “Leave off her, Raven. She’s just sensitive to you being a cretin.” 

Clarke giggled as Raven pouted, rubbing her arm. “That’s not what Mary Pickford was calling me…” She grumbled, lighting a cigarette. 

Clarke turned to Lexa. “I’m really sorry, Lexa but I have to go. I‘m dining with Mr Collins again tonight, and I have to get ready.”

Hearing about the so called Mr Collins made Lexa’s blood boil. He clearly didn’t make Clarke happy, in fact Lexa was very sure that he made her the exact opposite of happy, and yet she had to endure a courtship with him because it’s what her mother wanted. What about what Clarke wanted? If Clarke’s mother really cared about her, surely she’d let Clarke choose who she wanted to love and spend the rest of her life with? Lexa daydreamed briefly about Clarke choosing her, asking Lexa to be hers forever. As if she’d need to ask. Could she be the one to make Clarke happy?

“It’s alright, Clarke, me and Raven should be heading off soon anyway. Thanks to someone” she glared at Raven who stuck out her tongue and ashed her cigarette “our room is a complete state. We have to get it clean or we stand for being thrown out.”

Clarke nodded and clasped Lexa’s hand gently. “I’ll see you soon?”

Lexa rubbed the back of Clarke’s hand with her thumb. “Of course.”

This was the first time they hadn’t arranged a specific meeting place, and when they would see each other. Truth be told, Lexa’s shifts had become busier after it had turned out one of the guys who worked in the engine room jumped over the railings and died, and Clarke’s mother had arranged several dinners and events for Clarke to attend with Mr Collins.

Clarke looked up, her eyes looking as if they might tear up any second. “You promise?”

Lexa smiled, wanting to cheer Clarke up. She straightened her posture and held out her hand with an exaggerated flourish. “May we meet again.” 

Clarke laughed at Lexa’s attempt to make her voice posh and enunciated. Lexa, with her mission accomplished, hugged Clarke close to her and tried to memorise the feeling of Clarke against her body as she didn’t know when she’d feel her again. As soon as she had left Clarke and gone back to help Raven tidy their room, she felt lost, and though she was grateful of Raven’s company, she couldn’t help but feel a little lonely too. Once they were finished cleaning, she and Raven lit up cigarettes as Raven read a paper that shed found discarded and Lexa continued to carve chess pieces for Clarke. After a long silence, Raven finally spoke.

“Did you kiss her?”

Lexa frowned. “No, Raven, I didn’t kiss her.”

“That’s too bad.”

“I don’t even know if she feels the same way. Hell, I don’t even know if she’s, you know, like us.”

Raven grinned. “A fan of the lady folk?”

“Whatever you want to call it.”

“Damn, you sure can be moody when she ain’t around.”

Lexa ashed her cigarette and sighed. “I’m not moody, Raven, I’m just tired.”

Raven took a long drag of her cigarette. “I call bullshit. You got the grumps because you ain’t gon see your lady friend in a while.”

“Well, what about you? Aren’t you even a little moody because Octavia’s not here?”

Raven went quiet for a while. “I ain’t seen her long enough to miss her like that yet. You’ve seen this Clarke girl nearly every day. It’s different.”

“How so?”

“It just is.” She ashed her cigarette and perused the newspaper some more. “Do you love her or do you want her?”

Lexa choked on smoke. “What now?”

“You heard me, Lexa.” Hearing Raven call her by her name instead of calling her Smudge, Lexa took the question seriously.

“I don’t know.”

“You should know.”

“It’s not that easy, Raven!”

Raven put out her cigarette. “What’s hard about it?”

“I do want her but it’s more than that, I don’t know if you can call it love, but it’s more than just…that.”

“She’s gon’ marry that man, you know. If you don’t tell her how you feel, she’ll marry him.”

“She doesn’t love him.”

“Don’t mean she won’t marry him. Folks like her, they always hate who they married to.”

“She said her parents have always been happily married.”

“Could’ve lied.”

Lexa inhaled on her cigarette, the familiar taste of the tobacco calming her. “She wouldn’t lie to me.”

“And you know that?”

“I know that.”

Raven pondered for a moment. “Are you gon’ tell her?”

Lexa rubbed her forehead, the constant barrage of questions becoming annoying. “Tell her what, Raven?”

“That you love her.”

“Raven…”

“You can’t keep pretending you don’t loves her, Smudge. You’re lying to yourself, and even worse, you is lying to me and you know it.”

“I don’t know if it’s love quite yet, Raven. I’ve been in love before, I don’t know if I’ll ever have that again…”

Raven turned to face her and looked her directly in the eye. “Do you love her like you loved Costia?”

Lexa suddenly felt as if her throat was closing in on itself, and her lungs refused to supply her air, her head felt hot, and painful, and she was almost sure she’d broken out into a sweat. “I need some air.”

As she walked slowly in the night, the cold nipped at her face, and she inhaled deeply, listening to the water lapping quietly at the sides of the boat. She could hear faint music in the distance, from where first class must be dining. From where Clarke would be dining. Lexa smiled at the thought of Clarke and continued her stroll. As she reached the main front deck, she noticed a figure by the railings. From where she was, Lexa could see that it was a woman but she couldn’t recognise her. What she could see, however, was that whoever this person was, they were trying to climb the railings. As Lexa drew closer, looking to help, she could see that she was wearing an evening dinner dress, which immediately meant that this woman was first class. Lexa knew it would mean trouble if she approached the woman, after all, she had been lucky that Clarke was so selfless and kind, but not all first class people thought the way Clarke did, and so Lexa turned to go back.

However, as she did so, she realised that she wasn’t just trying to climb the railings. She was going to jump. Lexa paled and, despite her misgivings, rushed to the woman’s aid. 

Not wanting to be recognised should the situation go sour, Lexa deepened her voice “Miss? Are you alright, Miss?”

The woman flinched, stepping down from the railing and stiffening her back. “I’m fine. Leave me alone.”

Lexa rolled her eyes at her rudeness. Perhaps she was drunk. “Beg your pardon, Miss, but you shouldn’t be out here this late in the night.”

“I can do as I please. Go away.”

“Those railings is awfully slippery, I shouldn’t be climbing them if I were you. The dolphins will be out tomorrow. It’s too dark for ‘em now.”

“Leave me alone. I-I’m going to jump. I can’t live like this anymore” She climbed back onto the first railing.

Lexa swallowed anxiously. “Well, now that’s an even worse idea. You know how cold it is down there?”

The woman faltered. “N-no. But it doesn’t matter. Now go away.”

Lexa sighed. “I’m sorry; Miss, but I just can’t do that.” She started removing her shoes and her coat, folding them up and putting them on the deck floor. 

“What on Earth are you doing?!”

Lexa grinned at the woman who still hadn’t even graced her with her name, or even looked at her. “Well, the way I see it, no matter what I say, you’re gonna jump. So I’m gonna have to jump in after you.”

“There’s no need for that. Don’t come any closer, just leave me alone.”

Lexa ignored her. “It’s gonna be cold though. Damn, is it gonna be cold. My father used to say that the water that we’re on right now, he used to say it was so cold, a man would dive in and it’d kill him. Imagine that, just diving into God’s water, and then suddenly you’re meeting the man Himself.”

The woman hesitated. “You-you can’t change my mind.”

“Oh I know that, Miss, I gave up on that. Now I’m just gonna have to hope we both don’t freeze to death.”

“It’s not necessary for you to follow me.” She climbed onto the second railing. 

Lexa panicked and reached for the woman. “Come on now, Miss, think about it now.”

The woman shied away from Lexa and put her leg over the railing. Lexa could hear her own blood rushing in her ears. 

“Don’t come any closer! I’ve warned you once!”

Lexa raised her hands in defeat. “Alright, alright, Miss, I’ll stay right here then.”

The woman put her other leg over the railing. She was now on the other side, and was holding on by the sheer strength of her arms. She began to prepare to jump, and Lexa’s adrenaline took over. As the woman began to let go of the railing, she lunged forward and grabbed her around the waist, pulling her back over the railings, and relying on her body weight, landing with the woman on top of her on the deck. She was a little winded but the woman wasn’t heavy and she was alive, which was all that mattered. She was breathing heavily and Lexa knew she had to sit her up so she could get some air in her lungs. She brushed the woman’s hair off her face, inhaling as she did so. Honey and sea breeze….Lexa hurriedly brushed the rest of the hair away from the woman’s face and sat her up, coming face to face with familiar and beloved blue eyes. 

“Clarke?!” 

“L-Lexa?”  
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”

Clarke burst into tears. “What do you expect me to do, Lexa?! He proposed!”


	10. The Truth

Mr Collins tapped the side of his champagne flute with his knife, causing the table to fall silent. Clarke rolled her eyes, already tired of his insufferable drabble, sure that any more of him droning on about the future of his iron manufacturing company would cause her mental harm. 

“Miss Griffin, Mrs Griffin, Father. I stand before you a very grateful and blessed man. The company has never seen greater profit, nor greater publicity thanks to the marvellous vessel we find ourselves upon…”

Mr Collins’ father raised his glass in acknowledgment, and Clarke’s mother nodded earnestly in agreement. 

“…and yet I have the pleasure of knowing such a woman as Miss Clarke Griffin. Mrs Griffin, you and your husband must be very proud.”

Clarke’s mother looked over at Clarke and smiled warmly. “We are indeed, Mr Collins.”

He looked at Clarke expectantly and Clarke realised that the polite thing to do would be to offer her thanks, despite her desperate wish to be able to ask him to stop talking altogether for the rest of the evening. “You are too kind, Mr Collins.”

“Few men have everything they want in their life, and even fewer men possess the skills to go out and get the things that they want in life. However, I believe that I am that man.”

He turned to Clarke, rummaging in his blazer pocket. Clarke suddenly felt very cold and sincerely hoped that he was rummaging for his pocket watch. Her heart felt like it stopped as he produced a small black velvet box instead. Her blood felt like it had frozen over and she swore that time itself had slowed down. She tried to keep her breathing even though her lungs felt as though they were going to collapse at any moment. How could this be happening? It was so soon. They’d been courting for little over a year. She was only 19. Hadn’t her father said that Mr Collins couldn’t marry her until she was 21? Was Mr Collins so desperate to trap her, to ensure that she belonged to him and only him?

“Miss Clarke Griffin, I have loved every inch of you ever since I first laid eyes on you. You are the woman who can make my life complete. I truly feel that you and I belong together.” 

Clarke felt dizzy, as if the room was closing in around her, the tightness consuming her, her breath coming more and more rapidly. She didn’t belong with Mr Collins, she didn’t love him, and she was certain that he didn’t love her, not in the way a person she wanted to marry should love her anyway, and she definitely, positively did not want to marry him. 

Mr Collins dropped to one knee, opening the box to reveal the most beautiful gold ring with one of the biggest, and most beautifully cut white diamonds surrounded by smaller diamonds resting on it, nestled in a red velvet cushion. 

“Will you make me the happiest man in the world, and become mine forever?”

Clarke couldn’t breathe. The room was spinning, a blur of faces swimming in and out of view. Her mother was beaming at her, her wishes for Clarke come true, Mr Collins’ father was also smiling, raising his glass in celebration despite the fact that Clarke hadn’t said yes yet, and then Mr Collins came into view, his eyes hungry, eager to accept his prize. His free hand was hovering near the ring, itching to put it on her finger, to claim her, to capture her beauty. That ring would be her prison. 

The room continued to blur until the colours of the room, the paintings, the music, and the chatter of the many tables surrounding her, all of it merged into one sickening noise. Then everything went dark. 

“Clarke! Clarke! Darling, wake up!”

Clarke blearily opened her eyes to see a hazy picture of her mother kneeling beside her, Mr Collins and his father standing nearby.

“What happened?”

“You fainted, darling. Here, sit up for me.” Clarke sat up and her mother helped her to stand.

“I fainted?”

“I told her not to drink the champagne so soon after having the red.” Mr Collins remarked to no one in particular. Clarke suspected his snide tone was due to his embarrassment at proposing to her and not yet having an answer, but instead an unconscious girl on the floor.

Her mother had the decency to look offended. “Mr Collins! I dare say that is uncalled for!”

Mr Collins’ father stepped in. “Yes, Finn, don’t upset the young lady now. It is common, after all, for a lady to faint from the shock of her own happiness at such a proposal.”

Clarke’s mother nodded. “It is an overwhelming prospect, and one that she was not expecting so soon. Forgive me, Mr Collins, but perhaps if we let Clarke rest, she can give you your answer tomorrow.”

Mr Collins looked outraged for a moment, and Clarke could almost predict his thoughts. How dare she faint when he had proposed? How dare she ask that he wait for an answer? Did she know how lucky she was? However, at a warning look from his father, he composed himself and smiled at her mother.

“Of course, Mrs Griffin. I would hate for her to be in poor health.”

Clarke smiled as sweetly as she could at him. “You’re too good to me, Mr Collins.”

He kissed her hand, then her cheek. His aftershave was sickly sweet, and burned Clarke’s nostrils. “Quite right, Miss Griffin, quite right.”

Clarke’s mother assisted Clarke back to her room where she put her to bed, reminding her that she should visit Mr Collins as soon as she was well enough in order to apologise for her antics at dinner and accept his proposal. After she left, Clarke hated her for a minute. It faded away soon after. It wasn’t her mother’s fault. She wanted what was best for Clarke, and she knew her mother didn’t blame her entirely for fainting at dinner. Clarke still couldn’t believe he had proposed. It was too soon. What would her father say? What would Lexa say?

Lexa.

She couldn’t live like this. She knew she’d have to accept Mr Collins’ proposal but she didn’t want to. What she wanted, who she wanted, was Lexa. But she couldn’t have her. How could she have let herself fall for her? Lexa was probably a good, god-fearing citizen who had a sweetheart waiting back at home. She knew there would be only one way to end her suffering. She thought of her father’s despair should he find out she’d ended her own life. But he was so ill, perhaps he would soon join her and she could earn his forgiveness. She headed towards the main deck, dressing herself in the evening gown she’d just taken off. How fitting that she’d die in the very clothes she’d been proposed to in. As she reached the railings of the main deck, she breathed in the salty, cool air for what would hopefully be the last time before she embraced an icy end. I’m sorry, Lexa. She stepped onto the first railing.

“Miss? Are you alright, Miss?” A deep voice came from behind her. 

Clarke jumped at the intrusion, not expecting to be noticed, let alone to be spoken to and stepped down from the railing, praying they would go away. Clarke didn’t want some man coming to her rescue. “I’m fine. Leave me alone.”

“Beg your pardon, Miss, but you shouldn’t be out here this late in the night.”

“I can do as I please. Go away.”

“Those railings is awfully slippery, I shouldn’t be climbing them if I were you. The dolphins will be out tomorrow. It’s too dark for ‘em now.”

“Leave me alone. I-I’m going to jump. I can’t live like this anymore” She climbed back onto the first railing.

“Well, now that’s an even worse idea. You know how cold it is down there?”

Clarke hesitated, glancing at the small clusters of ice floating on the dark water around them. “N-no. But it doesn’t matter. Now go away.”

“I’m sorry; Miss, but I just can’t do that.” Clarke heard a bump, and saw that he’d taken off his shoes and coat. What the hell was he planning on doing to her?!

“What on Earth are you doing?!”

“Well, the way I see it, no matter what I say, you’re gonna jump. So I’m gonna have to jump in after you.”

“There’s no need for that. Don’t come any closer, just leave me alone.”

“It’s gonna be cold though. Damn, is it gonna be cold. My father used to say that the water that we’re on right now, he used to say it was so cold, a man would dive in and it’d kill him. Imagine that, just diving into God’s water, and then suddenly you’re meeting the man Himself.”

“You-you can’t change my mind.”

“Oh I know that, Miss, I gave up on that. Now I’m just gonna have to hope we both don’t freeze to death.”

“It’s not necessary for you to follow me.” She climbed onto the second railing. 

Clarke felt the man lunge at her. “Come on now, Miss, think about it now.”

She swiftly pulled her arm out of reach, and pushed her body over more of the railing. “Don’t come any closer! I’ve warned you once!”

“Alright, alright, Miss, I’ll stay right here then.”

Clarke put her other leg over the railing. She was now on the other side, and was holding on by the sheer strength of her arms. She began to prepare to jump, ready for the pain to end. 

As she began to let go of the railing, she felt something grab her around the waist, pulling her back over the railings, landing on top of them on the deck. She was hyperventilating from the sheer speed of it all, and before she could struggle against them, she was being sat up, however she was slightly grateful because she could immediately breathe easier. The stranger brushed the rest of the hair away from the her face, revealing her saviour to be not a stranger at all, but in fact the very person she’d been thinking of not 10 seconds ago. 

“Clarke?!”

“L-Lexa?”

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”

Clarke burst into tears. “What do you expect me to do, Lexa?! He proposed!”

Lexa’s mouth was agape in shock. “He did what?”

Clarke cried harder still. “He proposed, Lexa, he asked me to marry him! Oh God!”

Lexa wiped her face with her shirt sleeve. “Clarke, it’ll be alright, stop crying now, I promise you, it’ll be alright.”

Clarke brushed her away, frustrated. “How can it be alright? How can it ever be alright?!”

Lexa dodged Clarke’s attempts to wave her off. “Clarke, look at me. Look at me. It will be alright, you have to trust me.”

Clarke managed to stifle her crying down to shuddering sobs. “How?”

Lexa finished wiping away her tears. “So he proposed. You don’t have to say yes.”

“You don’t understand. I can’t say no, Lexa.”

“Why? What could he possibly do if you say no?”

“Lexa, it’s different for people like me. I don’t have the freedom to say no. He’s a wealthy, influential man and if I don’t accept, he can make a lot of things hard for us.”

“I won’t let him.”

“Lexa…what could you possibly do?”

“I can look after you. Better than he can.”

“Lexa, he has shares, money, and his own company to be inherited. I should be thrilled that he wants to marry me.”

“Do you love him?” Lexa asked quietly, not looking Clarke in the eyes, afraid of the answer.

Clarke sighed. “No, I don’t love him.”

“So why are you going to marry him?”

“Because it’s the right thing to do.”

Lexa looked at Clarke intensely, her green eyes now refusing to leave Clarke’s gaze. “What the hell is right about marrying someone you don’t love?”

Clarke stood, becoming angry in her annoyance. “You don’t understand, Lexa! I stand to lose a lot if I refuse his offer!”

Lexa also stood, running her hands through her hair. “Think what you could gain from refusing him, Clarke! You could be free!”

Clarke snorted. “Free? Lexa, I don’t even know what that means!”

Lexa was suddenly in her space, her face in Lexa’s hands, Lexa’s body against her own. Clarke couldn’t bring herself to break away from the intense stare of Lexa’s eyes, green as the plush forest her father had always dreamed of exploring. 

“I can teach you. I can show you.” Her voice was barely a whisper as Lexa brought their faces together, their foreheads touching as she closed her eyes.

“How?” Clarke was hypnotised by their closeness. If she moved even an inch she’d be able to kiss her. The very notion caused a feeling of electricity to burn in her veins.

“I’ll find a way.” 

“Lexa, I-I…” Clarke trailed off. Could she tell Lexa how she felt? Would there eve be a possibility that Lexa felt the same way?

“Trust me, Clarke. I’ll find a way.” Lexa’s thumb was gently brushing Clarke’s cheek, and Clarke brought her hands up to Lexa’s waist. She wanted to feel her.

“Tell me how, Lexa, how do I trust you?”

Lexa sighed, her breath smelling of sweet cloves and warm tobacco. “Because…because I-”

Clarke couldn’t wait any longer. She pushed herself forward, pressing her body flush against Lexa’s, her face gently coming towards Lexa, forcing their lips to meet. The kiss was soft and sweet, and seemed to last forever. Time stood still, for both women, as they melted into a tight embrace as they danced the oldest dance of passion with their kiss. As they broke apart, Lexa’s eyes were shining; her smile the widest Clarke had ever seen it.

“Because I love you, Clarke. I’ve fallen in love with you.”

Clarke brought herself closer to Lexa once more. “I love you too, Lexa. I was so scared that it was wrong but, oh god, do I love you, so much!”

As their lips met again with untamed emotion, both Lexa and Clarke forgot that they were on the biggest ship in the world, they forgot they were on a ship at all. They were in their own world, together against it all and Clarke had never felt safer, and more loved than she did right now. To hell with Mr Collins, this was where she belonged, in Lexa’s arms. And she planned to stay there as long as she could. Even forever didn’t feel like enough. 

In their shared bliss, the two women indeed forgot that they were alone and did not hear the footsteps of Mr Jasper Jordan approaching, as he had been ordered by Mr Collins to check on Miss Griffin before he retired for the evening and she had not been in her room. He had headed towards the main deck to see if she was there with her mother, and lit a cigarette as he approached the front deck railings…


	11. An Invitation

Lexa couldn’t believe it. Clarke was kissing her. Clarke was in love with her. Was she dreaming? She sure hoped not. Clarke’s lips were so soft, the softest lips she’d ever had the honour of kissing. She was so lost in the moment that she almost didn’t hear someone approaching, but her senses knew better than that and her ears picked up the sound of footsteps against the hard wood floor of the deck. She broke away from Clarke and moved slightly away from her, earning her a noise of disapproval and a half-hearted glare.

“Shhhh. Someone’s coming.”

A tall, thin, dark haired man dressed in a brown suit and cap came around the corner. Clarke tensed up next to her and Lexa braced herself for a fight. The man threw his cigarette in the sea, leaning against the railings. Lexa noticed how he’d made an effort to intimidate them, as he was blocking their exit should they want to leave. Was this Mr Collins? Clarke certainly seemed afraid of him, which meant that Lexa intensely disliked him, whoever he turned out to be. 

“Well, well, Miss Griffin. Fancy seeing you here.”

“Mr Jordan. What a pleasant surprise.”

Ah. It wasn’t Mr Collins, but his infamous lackey that Clarke had told her all about. Now Lexa disliked him even more. Clarke had said that he had a grudge against her, and that made him a threat. 

She puffed herself up. “Can I help you, Sir?”

He grinned at her, and stuck out his hand. “Jasper Jordan. You a friend of Miss Griffin here?”

Lexa knew she’d have to lie, to protect them both. She ignored his outstretched hand. “Naw, this is the first time I’ve ever seen her.”

He stepped a little closer but Lexa held her ground. He may frighten Clarke but he didn’t scare her. “Well then, you better skedaddle.”

Lexa didn’t move. “What’s your business with her?”

“My business with her is none of your business. How’s that?”

“Sounds mighty unsavoury if you asks me, Mr Jordan. Maybe I ought to send for a constable.”

Clarke stepped in, the conversation causing her to stress enough. “There’s no need for that, thank you. Mr Jordan works for my sweetheart, Mr Collins.”

“It’s awful late now, Miss Griffin. Shouldn’t you be in bed, on account of you fainting an’ all?”

Clarke also stood her ground against Mr Jordan. “I needed some fresh air. I came out here and tried to calm my nerves but I leaned out too far and slipped. Hadn’t it been for Miss Woods here, I’d have more than likely fallen in and drowned.”

Lexa joined in the charade. “I was just out here, finishing my smoke, when I saw the lady almost fall. I had to run to catch her.” 

“Jasper? What the devil are you doing out here, old boy?” Another male voice came from behind Mr Jordan. Clarke tensed up again, but this time Lexa saw real fear in her eyes. A first class man came into view, tall but built, with combed back dark hair and a very expensive looking black suit.

“Miss Griffin’s out here, Sir. This maid reckons she saved her life.”

“Clarke? Good grief, what are you doing out here in the dark?! All manner of things could’ve happened to you!”

“I needed some air. As Mr Jordan was surely about to tell you, I slipped when I leaned out too far and this young lady caught me and stopped my fall.”

Mr Collins turned and acknowledged Lexa, his lip curling as he took in her working class clothes. He also offered her his hand. “Finn Collins, Collins Iron Manufacturing.”

Lexa shook his hand, causing Mr Jordan to narrow his eyes at her. “Lexa woods, Sir.”

“You saved dear Clarke from falling in. Thank you.”

“It was no problem, Sir, bit I really should be going.” How could everything have been going so right only to be interrupted by the two people that could most ruin what she and Clarke had together? Lexa felt cheated. Robbed even.

“Let me thank you.” He pulled out a chequebook and Lexa’s eyes widened. She couldn’t take money from him.

“Oh, no, Sir, I couldn’t. It’s very kind of you but I have to refuse.”

Mr Collins raised an eyebrow but nonetheless but the chequebook away. “I insist we repay you. Be our guest at dinner tomorrow evening.”

He had an irritating manner of asking people which was more like telling people. Lexa knew that she’d have to accept this kind of invitation, despite the fact that she knew Clarke would be there, and would no doubt have been forced to wear his engagement ring by that time. 

“I would love to, Sir, but I-”

“Excellent. We’ll see you for dinner at 8pm sharp. Come, Miss Griffin, I’ll escort you back to your room.” 

As he led Clarke away, she gave Lexa an apologetic look but Lexa knew none of this was her fault. It was just poor timing. Mr Jordan lit a cigarette as she put her shoes back on.

“Funny.”

She scowled at him. “What is?”

“That you had time to take your shoes and coat off when you ran to catch the lady.”

Lexa bristled. “You got a problem?”

He raised his hands. “Not at all, Miss…Woods, was it? Here, have a cig with me.”

He offered her a rolled cigarette which she took. The exchange she’d had with Mr Collins had ramped up her adrenaline and she needed something to calm her. However, when she lit up, the tobacco burned her throat and tasted harsh rather than the sweeter blend she was accustomed to.

“Thanks.”

He shrugged off her response, looking out to the sea. “Ain’t you lucky, scoring dinner with the first class folks.”

Lexa sighed, ashing her cigarette, willing it to burn through so she didn’t have to smoke it. “I didn’t want the lady to get hurt, that’s all.”

“Of course, of course. She’s a mighty pretty one, ain’t she? Miss Griffin?”

What was he getting at? Lexa knew a rat when she could smell one. “She’s fair-looking.”

“Mr Collins sure is sold on her.”

“I’m sure.”

He turned to her, ashing her cigarette. “It sure is peculiar how you had your shoes and coat off when it came to savin’ her.”

Whatever he thought he knew, Lexa was determined to make him feel that he was wrong. “You tryin’ to say I had funny business with her?”

“Oh Lord I wouldn’t dream of it” He threw his cigarette into the sea dramatically “but if you is one of them Toms, then you need to be getting’ Miss Griffin out of your pretty head.”

“Excuse me?”

“See, I thinks you’re a Tom, and that you’ve taken a fancy to Miss Griffin. But Miss Griffin ain’t yours to fancy.”

“I think you’ve taken a fancy to one to many a beer bottle, Mr Jordan. G’night now.”

He laughed, the sound eerily reminding her of a hyena, as she pushed past him and made her way towards the working class quarters. He called out after her.

“I’m onto you, Miss Woods! That pretty thing belongs to Mr Collins, not some street rat!”

Tears threatened to burn in Lexa’s eyes as she fought the urge to turn back and sock him in the nose. How dare he talk about Clarke like that? What gave him the right? As she rushed back to her room, and closed the door behind her, she allowed her mind to flood itself with memories of Clarke, her smile, her beautiful eyes, her soft, sweet, golden hair. Her confessing her love to Lexa. Her lips on Lexa’s. The feel of Clarke’s arms around her. 

“Gee, what in high hell happened to you?”

Damn, she’d forgotten about Raven. “You wouldn’t believe the night I’ve had.”

“Sounds decent. You gon’ tell me or what?”

“I went to the deck. You mentioning Costia, it messed me up-”

“Yeah, about that, Smudge, I’m awful sorry, I didn’t mean for it to be so-”

“Clarke was there.”

“She was?! What the hell was she doing on the deck?”

“She was going to jump, but I stopped her. Turns out her Mr Collins proposed.”

“Oh, that scumbag. You want me to go and chop off his-”

Lexa cut her off before she could launch into one of her many fantasies of castrating men and making them pay for women’s hardships. “Anyway! She told me she loved me.”

“SHE WHAT?!”

“Shhhh, Raven, you’ll wake everyone up!”

“Sorry, sorry, but she what?!”

“She admitted it, that she loves me, not him. Then she kissed me.”

“SHE WHAT?!”

“Raven!”

“Sorry, sorry, she kissed you?!”

“Yeah. It was amazing, Raven. I think I’ve really fallen for her.”

Raven snorted. “I could’ve told you that.”

Lexa rolled her eyes. “But then her boyfriend’s thug interrupted us.”

“Holy shit! Did he see you?”

“No, thank God. But he said he reckons that I’m a Tom-”

“Which you are.”

“-and he reckons I’ve taken a fancy to Clarke-”

“Which you did.”

“Raven!”

“What?”

“Anyway, the point is, he says he’s onto me whatever that means, and her boyfriend has invited me to dinner with them because I saved her.”

“You going to dinner with the first class folks? Well, damn, that’s just not fair! You’re a lucky son of a bitch, you know that? You get the girl AND high class dinner? I’m gon’ need a smoke.”

As she shuffled out of her bunk and looked around for her cigarettes, she looked at Lexa and burst into a fit of giggles. 

“What’s tickled you?”

“What you gon’ wear, smudge? Pants and shirt to high class dinner?”

She left the room, dodging Lexa as she attempted to punch her in the arm. The mischievous imp wasn’t wrong. Lexa had never owned nor worn a dress in her life, and she was sure she wouldn’t get away with pants and shirt at a dinner for first class people. She’d have to find one before tomorrow evening or she was stuck. She crawled into her bunk, exhausted from the nights events and closed her eyes, allowing herself to once again, dream of Clarke’s kiss, not just a dream now but a memory.


	12. Beneath His Mask

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, I'm so sorry I've been ages in posting a new chapter BUT here I am with not one but two new chapters for you!

Mr Collins’ grip on her arm was like iron, and fear was rippling through Clarke’s veins like ice. As they came to where her room was she prayed to God that he would leave her there. However, he opened the door and followed her inside, finally letting her go.

“Thank you, Mr Collins.”

He was checking his pocket watch, paying her no attention. However, his face was unimpressed, and Clarke knew that she wasn’t off the hook yet.  
“You shouldn’t have been out there on your own.”

“Yes, I know.”

“I thought you were supposed to be ill?”

Clarke frowned, confused, then recalled her fainting. “Fainting does not equal illness, Mr Collins.”

He ignored her remark. “If you weren’t feeling well, you should’ve stayed here.”

“It was too hot in here. My father recommends fresh air for victims of fainting, Mr Collins.”

Again, he ignored her. “Anybody could’ve come across you. Count yourself lucky it was another woman, and not some thirsty layabout from lower down.”

“Are you suggesting that I put myself in danger on purpose, Mr Collins?” Clarke asked incredulously.

“I am suggesting that as the future Mrs Collins, you must be more careful, hence why I assigned Mr Jordan with your protection.”

“I don’t need protection, Mr Collins; this ship has the very best of the police service at its disposal!”

“Perhaps during the day, but it is not for a woman of your stature to be roaming the decks at night!”

“I may go as I please!”

Mr Collins suddenly lunged forward and grabbed her arm, his hand rough and his grip painful as he squeezed. “No, Miss Griffin, you may not.”

Her eyes beginning to tear up in both fear and pain, Clarke whimpered. “Let go of me!”

He made no such movement, despite Clarke attempting to struggle. “You are engaged to me, you represent me, and I will have order!”

“Let her go now! Let her go or I’ll have the chief constable in here!”

Clarke turned at the sound of her mother’s voice, intensely grateful for her timely arrival. Mr Collins let go of her quickly and Clarke rubbed her arm, the area where his hand had been already beginning to redden. Mr Collins had plastered his best, easy smile on his face and sauntered towards her mother.

“Ah! Mrs Griffin, how wonderful that you’re here-” He began but her mother cut him off with a look.

“It is very late, Mr Collins. I think its best you leave. I’ll be having words with your father about your…conduct later.”

Mr Collins puffed out his chest, a look of pure outrage on his face. “You do not dismiss me!”

“I will speak to you as I see fit! Make no mistake, Mr Collins, you are not engaged to my daughter yet, and you should be lucky that my husband isn’t here at this moment because he’d have you on the floor for touching his daughter. I suggest you ponder your behaviour and come up with an apology at dinner tonight. Now, if you don’t mind, I have business to discuss with my daughter.”

Mr Collins smiled, with no sincerity showing in his expression whatsoever. “As you wish, Mrs Griffin. I’ll see you both at dinner. Oh, and our guest as well.”

He strode towards the door and promptly left, with nothing else to say. Clarke’s mother turned to face her and sighed, worry creasing her forehead.  
“Are you alright?”

Clarke rubbed her arm. “I’m fine. Just glad to see the back of him for tonight.”

Her mother crossed the room and took Clarke in her arms, hugging her tightly. “I was just coming to check on you. Fortunately, I could hear that man shouting through the wall.”

“He was just angry because I nearly slipped and fell into the water.”

“What? How on Earth did you do that?”

“I was trying to get some fresh air, I was feeling sick.” Clarke felt guilty lying to her mother, but what else could she say? She was planning on jumping to an icy death? She was meeting her new lover, a working class girl who worked in the coal furnaces of the engine room? That would go down swell with her church going mother for sure. 

“You should’ve asked me to come with you, Clarke.” 

Clarke hung her head. “Yes, I know. I’m sorry.”

“So Mr Collins found you did he?”

“No, that’s why he’s angry. A working class girl out having a smoke saw me, and stopped my fall. He’s invited her to dinner tonight to repay her, but you know how he feels about working class people.”

Her mother looked deep in thought for a moment. “Well, I doubt the poor girl will come anyway, Clarke. She won’t have anything to wear and she’ll be terrified of the idea of dining with our sort.”

“But Mr Collins insisted that she come, what if she’s afraid not to? She’ll turn up in her best and he’ll use it as an excuse to laugh at her.”

“Well, what do you suggest we do, Clarke?”

Clarke avoided her mother’s gaze. “I could lend her one of my dresses…?”

Clarke’s mother raised an eyebrow. “You don’t even know the girl’s name, Clarke, how will you be able to find her to lend her a dress?”

“Her name is Lexa Woods, that’s what she called herself. I don’t think it’s fair to leave her open for torment.”

Her mother frowned, and Clarke could tell she was analysing the situation in her mind, just like her father did when he wanted to make sure everything went to plan. 

“Very well, if you can find her, you may lend her a dress.”

Clarke threw her arms around her mother. “Thank you!”

Clarke’s mother chuckled but looked Clarke seriously in the eye as she removed Clarke from her. “But. I have some rules.”

Clarke nodded meekly and her mother continued. “You may lend her a dress, but not one of your new ones. She certainly cannot keep the dress, and if she ruins it, she must pay for it. I want the dress returned the next morning. If she tries to steal it, I will report her to the constable. Is that clear?”

Clarke nodded quickly. “Yes, Mother.”

Clarke’s mother seemed satisfied. “Good. Now, get yourself to bed. It’s late and you have a busy day ahead of you. I will see you at breakfast.”

Clarke watched her mother leave and jumped onto her bed. At last she was alone and could think about the one person she truly wanted to think about. Lexa. She’d kissed her, and Lexa had kissed back. Lexa shared her feelings. Lexa wanted her like Clarke wanted Lexa. Was it too good to be true? Clarke had never felt like this, like adrenaline was constantly running through her, her heart beating at what seemed like an impossible pace. She traced her lips, still feeling the heat from Lexa’s kiss, from where her tongue had gently grazed her plump bottom lip, closing her eyes as she remembered how she’d hungrily wanted more, wanting to kiss Lexa and explore her all night. Lexa made her body come to life, and Clarke never wanted to go back.


	13. Dressed in Desire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so a few notes for this chapter:
> 
> $20 in 1912 would've been a LOT of money, equals roughly $250 in today's money.
> 
> The inspiration behind Clarke's dress: http://s5.photobucket.com/user/mommdearest55/media/wedding/titanicdress.jpg.html
> 
> The inspiration behind Lexa's dress:  
> https://uk.pinterest.com/pin/381609768411081164/

In the morning, she ate her breakfast alarmingly fast, with her mother reminding her twice that she needed to chew and throwing her an exasperated look as Clarke gulped down her orange juice, earning her some disapproving looks from the neighbouring table. She raced to the deck, desperate to see if she was there. As she got to the railings, she breathed in the salty air and giggled as the breeze made her hair tickle her nose. This was the spot where she’d kissed Lexa. She looked around and practically squealed with delight as she saw Raven and Lexa smoking a cigarette at a bench not far from where she was. 

“Lexa!”

Lexa looked up and immediately smiled, walking calmly towards her, throwing her cigarette overboard. “Well, hello there, pretty lady.”

Clarke was out of breath from running all the way to the decks. “Hello yourself.”

Lexa laughed at Clarke trying to catch her breath. “Someone’s eager today.”

Raven snorted behind her. “Like you aren’t? You barely smoked that cigarette, and I paid for them this time.”

Lexa elbowed Raven softly in the side and walked Clarke to a bench where they sat, a scowling Raven joining them not long after. Lexa took off her cap, and ran her hand through her hair. Clarke was briefly hypnotised by the dark curls blowing in the breeze, the scent of musky coal and sea salt invading her senses, Clarke had never thought of a scent as so beautiful.

“So, about dinner…”

Brought back to reality, Clarke cleared her throat. “Yes. The invitation still stands.”

“Can’t you tell him to drop it, Clarke?”

“I’m afraid not. He’s quite sold on you coming to dinner.”

Lexa sighed in frustration and Raven giggled. “You hear that, Smudge? He’s quite sold on the girl stealing his girl to come to dinner.”

Clarke frowned at Raven. “She can’t steal me from him if I never belonged to him in the first place.”

Raven fell silent. Lexa looked impressed. “Wow, Clarke, finally a way to shut her up, thanks!”

Raven glared at her and punched her in the arm. Lexa laughed and punched her back before returning her attention to Clarke who was torn between smiling fondly at their childlike antics and frowning in exasperation.

“Listen, I know it’s not ideal but my mother has agreed to let me lend you a dress so you may come to dinner with us.”

Lexa’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “She knows…about me?”

“I had to tell her something, what would she have said if you’d just turned up to dinner with no explanation, in one of my dresses?!”

“I see your point.”

Clarke smiled softly. “Come with me to my room.”

Lexa wasn’t quite sure she’d heard Clarke properly and gulped hard. “Sorry?”

Clarke giggled at the dumbfounded Lexa. “Come with me to my room, so we can find a dress for you to wear tonight.”

Lexa smiled bashfully. “Alright then. Lead the way.”

Raven whooped loudly. “Now this I have to see. Come on, Smudge, let’s go find you a fancy dress to wear to the ball.”

As they neared Clarke’s room, Clarke subconsciously looked around, very aware of what a first class girl leading two working class girls dressed in boys clothing into her room would look like to a clueless outsider, but Lexa placed a relaxing hand on her shoulder and she ushered them inside, satisfied that no one had seen them. She gestured to the plush chaise longue and asked them to sit as she retrieved some dresses for Lexa to try on. 

“Now, my mother did have some rules she wanted me to explain to you. First, you cannot keep the dress.” She placed a deep plum coloured evening gown with beautiful lace detail in front of Lexa.

“Second, if you ruin it you have to pay for it.” She came out with a soft, coral pink dress, made of a light silky material. Lexa swallowed nervously.

“Exactly how much are we talking here?”

Clarke suddenly became aware and embarrassed of her wealth. “That dress was $20.”

Lexa’s eyes widened and she fidgeted nervously. “Alright.”

Clarke continued on. “Thirdly, the dress needs to be returned in the morning.” She placed a simple but pretty long black dress in front of Lexa to view.

“Finally, if you try to steal the dress, or don’t return it, my mother will report you to the constable.” She placed a final dress, a beautiful green silk dress, with delicate lace sleeves next to the others.

“See any you like?”

The green one had caught Lexa’s eye but now she was nervous to even touch any of them. However, she wasn’t about to let Clarke down and so, she stood and gestured towards the green one.

“I like that one.”

Raven frowned. “Oh, no, no, no, Smudge, you got it all wrong, you should wear the black one!”

Lexa sighed. “I don’t know anything about fashion Clarke, you should choose for me.”

Clarke smiled and gently led Lexa towards the wooden privacy screen. “Let’s try them and see which one you like best.”

Lexa struggled a little but with Clarke’s help she tried on the purple dress. However, the bodice of the dress was too loose on Lexa’s body and Clarke blushed furiously as Raven commented that if Lexa was as well-endowed as Clarke, the dress would fit her. Lexa scowled at her and stalked back behind the privacy screen, next trying the pink dress but encountering the same problem.

“This isn’t going to work, Clarke! They’re all too loose because I have no breasts!”

Clarke suddenly appeared beside her, and helped unlace the dress, her soft voice in Lexa’s ear soothing her tantrum, and invoking a whole new emotion as she said “Oh, they’re there, Lexa, trust me.”

The black dress fit better but Lexa desperately wanted to try the green one as she felt the black was too plain. Raven had giggled when she’d shown her.

“Damnit, Smudge, you looks like you’re goin’ to a damn funeral! Smile!”

As Clarke laced her into the green dress, Lexa realised how close they were, enjoying the feel of the silky material against her skin. She felt womanly for the first time in a long time but couldn’t resist leaning towards Clarke and catching her in a kiss, enjoying the feel of the other woman against her even more. Clarke gasped in surprise but pressed herself against Lexa and moaned as Lexa gently bit her lip. The kiss became more heated, and hands began to wander when…

“If you two are doing what I think you’re doing back there, some warning would’ve been nice!”

They both cringed as they realised they’d forgotten Raven. Clarke gazed longingly at Lexa. “You look beautiful in that dress, Lexa. Go and see for yourself.”

Lexa exited the privacy screen and headed towards the looking glass. Clarke was right. She did look beautiful. Her green eyes were a shade darker than the dress but it looked perfect on her. She turned to thank Clarke and came face to face with Raven who’s mouth was hanging open.

“What? What? Come on, Raven, close your damn mouth, you’ll catch flies.”

“Smudge…you’re a lady!”

Lexa rolled her eyes. “Thank you, Clarke, it’s perfect. What are you going to wear?”

Clarke’s voice called out from behind the screen. “Just a minute!”

She came out in the most beautiful blue dress Lexa had ever seen. There were small glittering stones sewn into the dress, and it was styled in such a way that Clarke just looked like a Greek goddess, with the undertone of the dress a light sky blue, and the rest of the dress a shade of between indigo and navy. Lexa’s breath had left her, and she couldn’t stop staring. Raven was nudging her repeatedly and Clarke was again blushing furiously, as she looked shyly at the floor.

“It’s just a dress.”

“You look beautiful. More than beautiful, you look heavenly. You are the envy of the angels above themselves.” 

Clarke blushed even harder at Lexa’s words. “Can you help me unlace it? I need to keep it clean for tonight.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

She disappeared behind the privacy screen and Lexa followed her, slowly unlacing the back of the dress. It took her by surprise when the dress fell away and revealed Clarke in nothing but her corset and underclothes. Lexa again couldn’t resist and kissed the bare skin of Clarke’s shoulders, ghosting kisses all the way up to her neck with Clarke moaning softly at the intimate touch of her lips. She turned and unlaced Lexa’s dress, which fell away to reveal Lexa’s bare chest and her underclothes. Clarke looked away, still a virgin, and knowing nothing of sex but Lexa brought her face towards her own and kissed her boldly, daring Clarke to deepen the kiss. Clarke rose to her challenge and kissed her fiercely, her passion for Lexa taking over as she ran her nails down Lexa’s back, feeling the brunette’s soft skin underneath her fingertips, caressing her defined muscles that made Clarke desire her even more. However, Lexa respected Clarke’s virginity and broke the kiss before it got too heated, turning her back as Clarke got dressed, quickly doing the same before they both returned to Raven who was smirking knowingly at the two of them.

“Took you an awful long time to change out of a dress.”

Lexa elbowed her in the ribs and held out her hand to Clarke. “A walk on the decks, milady?”

Clarke giggled and took her hand. “I’d be delighted.”

Raven poked her tongue out at Lexa and exited the room, lighting up a cigarette and muttering under her breath the million ways she was going to get Lexa back. Lexa couldn’t care less. The only thing her world currently revolved around was the blonde beauty on her arm, laughing as her hair blew in the sea breeze. Did she love Clarke? It was very possible that she was falling for her, body and soul. And nothing, not even the impending dinner with the man who would try to take her from Lexa, would get in the way of her happiness now.


	14. An Awkward Dining Experience

Lexa was a ball of nerves, her hands shaking at her sides in tight fists. Raven had barely been able to help her into the dress she’d borrowed from Clarke she was shaking so much. It had taken a few shots of the strong, foul tasting alcohol that Raven wouldn’t identify to calm her down, and even then she was still an absolute mess. She’d twisted her hair into a knot but fearing that it made her look too common and unsure of what hairstyles were considered fashionable so she’d left it down, cascading over her back and shoulders in soft waves. Now she waited anxiously outside the dining hall, smiling weakly as several first class passengers entered, not even sparing her a glance. A million things were racing through her head. 

What if they tell me to leave? What if they can smell that alcohol on my breath? What if they’ve forgotten about me? What if the constable arrests me for being outside here? 

She tried to take a few calming breaths but it didn’t do much to calm her at all. She took comfort in the fact that Raven had promised to wander around the decks, just in case there was trouble, and in that moment Lexa had been intensely grateful for the loyal Italian.

“Miss Woods? Miss Woods, is that you?” An older woman’s voice was summoning her, and as Lexa turned to acknowledge it, she came face to face with Clarke, dressed in that beautiful blue dress and an older woman who she could only assume was Clarke’s mother.

She swallowed hard and approached the woman. “Yes, I’m Lexa Woods.”

The woman offered her hand and Lexa shook it firmly, determined to show she wasn’t afraid. “Abigail Griffin. You saved my daughter’s life.”

Lexa looked around at Clarke, her beautiful girl never failing to take her breath away. Her hair was up in a beautiful, stylish knot, with some of her blonde hair coming down in curls aropund her face. She smiled knowingly at her, then turned back to Clarke’s mother. 

“That’s right, Mrs Griffin.”

This woman terrified her. And yet the next thing she knew she’d been enveloped in a huge hug by this stoic woman who didn’t even know her. Lexa smiled in the woman’s arms. Perhaps her mother wasn’t as close minded as the rest of them.

“I can only offer you my many, many thanks. Clarke is so special to me, and her father, oh! I don’t even know what he’d have done if we’d lost her. Please, tonight you are my guest, money is of no object, whatever you wish to eat and drink you will have.”

Clarke was blushing furiously and Lexa was lost for words. “Well…it was no problem at Mrs Griffin, there really is no need to go to all this trouble…”

Abigail took her arm. “Nonsense! It’s no trouble at all, now come along, the gentleman will be waiting for us. Come along, Clarke!”

Clarke rushed to her mother’s other side and Lexa allowed herself to be escorted into the dining room. She had never seen such grandeur before. The live orchestra was playing music she’d never even dreamt of, the people around her were impeccably dressed, just like the people in the magazines. They approached a table where three gentlemen were sat. She recognised two, Mr Collins who wanted Clarke for his own, and Mr Jordan, the bastard who thought he was onto her. He grinned at her, and Lexa narrowed her eyes in response. Mrs Griffin cleared her throat.

“Good evening, gentlemen. May I introduce Miss Lexa Woods, she is my guest this evening, and will be joining us for dinner. Miss Woods, this is Mr Emmett Collins, owner of Collins Iron Manufacturing. In Ireland. This is his son and partner, Mr Finn Collins. Oh, and I see we are being joined by Mr Jordan as well tonight. He’s one of the younger Mr Collins’ associates.” 

Lexa couldn’t care less who they were and what they did but nonetheless lowered her head in faux shyness and greeted them with a “Good Evening” as she was seated by Mr Jordan while Clarke and her mother were seated by Mr Collins and his father respectively. She relaxed when she realised that she was in fact, sat next to Clarke. Soon enough, a waiter came around to take their drink and starting orders. Lexa had no idea what most of the food was, and she gathered that the ladies were supposed to drink wine, which she’d never had, so she simply copied Clarke’s order of white wine and a Caesar salad. Soon, conversation began to bubble around the table but Lexa kept her head down, knowing that she most likely lacked the education to join in with any discussion they might have. 

However, soon Mr Collins’ father turned to her. “So, Miss Woods, what is it you do? Do you work for a living?”

Lexa swallowed her white wine quickly, burning her throat. “Yes, Sir.”

He lit a cigar, looking at her closely. “And what is it that you do?”

Lexa cleared her throat. “At the moment I work in the engine rooms here.”

He looked taken aback, as did Clarke’s mother. “The engine rooms, you say? Sounds like mighty hot work.”

Lexa nodded. “It is.”

“Does it pay well?”

“It gets me by.”

Mr Collins chipped in. “If you ask me, the engine rooms are no place for a woman.”

Before Lexa could answer, Clarke spoke instead. “Why not?”

Mr Collins looked at her as if she’d just told him that 2+2 was 3. Lexa focused on chewing the bland salad in order to avoid reaching across the table and socking him in the nose.

“Well, Clarke dearest, engine rooms are simply far too dangerous for the fairer sex. The hot steam, the heavy machinery, the fumes, great leering brutes everywhere…the point is, it’s simply not practical for women’s work.”

His father nodded thoughtfully. “How do you manage it, Miss Woods?”

Lexa frowned. “It’s hard work, for sure, but no less hard for the men that it is for us. As long as you’re strong, hard-working and careful, no harm will come to you.”

Mr Collins snorted. “Only the desperate work in jobs like that.”

Embarrassed, Lexa blushed and continued to eat, refusing to cause a scene. However, she was startled into looking up by a hand hitting the table. It was Clarke.

“How dare you insult Miss Woods! She is our guest!” 

Lexa put her hand on Clarke’s, hoping that the gesture would be considered as calming and no one seemed to bat an eye but Mr Jordan who frowned at her. 

“It’s alright, Miss Griffin.”

Her mother frowned at Clarke’s outburst but also threw a disapproving look at Mr Collins. “My daughter has a point, Mr Collins, we must be mindful of who we are hosting.”

Mr Collins looked across the table at Lexa, his distaste in her presence clear. “Allow me to offer my sincerest apologies, Miss Woods. It was not my intention to offend.”

Yes it was, Lexa thought, but said nothing. She simply nodded her acceptance of his apology and continued to eat. For the next course, Clarke ordered a fish broth which Lexa knew she couldn’t have being allergic to shellfish, recalling when Anya had cooked fresh mussels bought for them by Gus and Lexa had been ill for days. Not knowing what was in the broth, she ordered the roasted chicken breast in garlic and white wine sauce. As she glanced around the table, she pondered whether or not she should've ordered the broth, then she could've made a speedy getaway with illness as her excuse. But as she glanced to her left, she remembered why she was here. She was here for Clarke. She couldn't let her down now. Clarke met her gaze. 

"Are you alright?"

"Never better." Lexa truthfully replied and Clarke smiled, blushing ever so slightly. Lexa took a deep breath, and forced a smile on her face. How hard could one dinner be?


	15. Hearts and Minds

As they ate, Lexa glanced at Clarke’s hand and noted that she still wasn’t wearing an engagement ring, much to her surprise and joy. She enjoyed the chicken and managed to stay out of the conversation until she heard that they were talking about horses. That she knew something about. She listened to them talking about the horse races they’d attended earlier in the year, and the horses that they owned. Lexa couldn’t imagine living their lives. To have her very own horse would be a dream come true. 

“Have you ever cared for horses, Miss Woods?” Clarke’s mother addressed her and smiled encouragingly, wanting to include her in the conversation.

Lexa nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, I worked in a stable for some years back at home.”

“Did you enjoy it?”

“Yes, I did. I love horses.”

“Can you ride?”

“No, but I’ve always wanted to learn. We weren’t allowed to ride the horses at the stable, they didn’t belong to us.”

Mr Collins nodded. “Quite right too.”

Lexa couldn’t keep her mouth shut. “It was a shame we couldn’t because we lost a few horses when they weren’t exercised enough.”

Mr Collins laughed. “A horse doesn’t simply die from lack of exercise, Miss Woods.”

Lexa calmly looked him in the eye. “No, Mr Collins, you’re right, they don’t lie from a lack of exercise. However, they do die when they are not exercised for months and then are forced to race. When their legs give out because their muscles aren’t used to rigorous movement or when they are too slow, their owners often shoot them. That’s when they die.”

She’d never forget the day Costia had come home in tears, inconsolable because her favourite filly Katharina had been shot when the bratty child hadn’t visited her to exercise her and put her through her paces, and then had tried to race her. According to Costia, he’d relentlessly hit the poor horse with his brand new riding crop and Katharina had thrown him off. She’d promptly been declared a dangerous animal by his father and shot between the eyes. Costia had almost left her job at the stables that day, only staying because the owner begged her to and because the family, owning no more horses at this particular stable, had moved their business elsewhere. She’d looked Lexa dead in the eye and said that if she’d ever seen that boy or his father ever again, she’d kill them, and Lexa didn’t doubt she would’ve. 

The table around her had fallen into an awkward silence and she looked at Clarke apologetically who reached under the table and squeezed Lexa’s thigh reassuringly in response. She spoke to alleviate the tension.

“It is true, that some people don’t know how to care for their horses. I think we can all agree on that somewhat.”

There was a murmur of agreement around the table. Mr Jordan lit a cigarette, and spoke for the first time that evening.

“I used to live near a stable. They sold their weak horses for glue.”

Lexa clenched her hands tightly. He was seeking a rise out of her, and she was determined not to give him one. 

“Yes, that is the method used by many stables in England. My stable didn’t engage in that…tradition, the glue factory was too far and wouldn’t pay for the transport of the carcasses.”

While Mr Collins, his father and Clarke’s mother began to discuss the supply of glue, and its role in ‘Industrial England’ and Lexa focused on finishing her meal, Mr Jordan pushed his empty plate aside. He’d polished off his beef in minutes, eating like the pig he was.

“I used to hear about a girl who worked in that stable. Dressed like a boy, she did. Went to the pub with the lads after work. Some even said that she had a sweetheart. A lady sweetheart.”

Clarke sipped her wine. “Those kinds of people aren’t unheard of, Mr Jordan.”

“I saw her out one day, with this sweetheart of hers. She had hair like a boy’s too, all cut short. Her sweetheart though, she was a pretty gal. Damn shame it was.”

Lexa frowned. “I’m amazed this friend of yours was so open, Mr Jordan. Many people like that are afraid of what people might say.”

Mr Jordan laughed, attracting the attention of the rest of the table. “Friend? No, no, Miss Woods, she wasn’t my friend. But her girl was. Turned out her girl was friends with a lot of lads.” 

He smiled viciously and Lexa felt her stomach turn. Noticing her discomfort, Clarke cut him off mid-sentence. “I don’t believe this is discussed at dinner, Mr Jordan.”

Clarke’s mother nodded in agreement. “Yes, it is a mighty unsavoury topic I’d rather not discuss while I’m eating, if you don’t mind.”

Lexa’s blood felt cold. They were talking about her. Not her specifically, but she was one of ‘those people’. People like her disgusted people like them. She would never understand why. Partly because the Church said it was a sin. Partly because she was different to them. Did she deserve to be talked about in this way, like some perversion? She didn’t think so. 

Mr Collins cleared his throat. “Not to worry, Mrs Griffin, there are places for people like that. Places where their confusion is dealt with.”

Lexa swallowed nervously. “Confusion?”

Mr Collins looked surprised at her. “You know, their confusion of the brain. There are hospitals where they can be cured of sinful behaviour and live normal lives.”

He was, of course, referring to the mental asylums where they claimed they could cure homosexuality with experimental therapies and medicines. Lexa knew a girl, Susie Lark, who was sent to one when she was caught kissing Alice Baker, and when she’d come back she’d thrown herself off the roof of her house. Lexa doubted that the hospitals tried to cure anything, they just tried to torture it out of them. They were the real sinners. How could love be a sin? 

Mr Jordan also wanted to join in. Lexa knew why he was so interested in this conversation, after all, he started it. He wanted Lexa to reveal herself. He was going to be sorely disappointed. 

“Normal? They’re like animals, they should be put down.”

Mrs Griffin gasped. “Mr Jordan! What a thing to say!”

Mr Collins mused, sipping his wine. “I believe what Mr Jordan says is true to some extent, if they are beyond help then perhaps euthanasia is best for them.”

Clarke almost choked on her own wine. “What could death possibly solve for them, Mr Collins?”

“It is not a case of solving the problem if they cannot contribute to the community and abide by society’s rules.”

Lexa felt dizzy, and couldn’t tell if it was a result of the astounding bigotry or the wine she’d consumed. “So it’s marry a man or die?”

Clarke gulped. “I think what Miss Woods means to say is that many women are single and unmarried, many are infertile, many are poor and many are disabled. Do you suggest they should share the same fate as the, um, as the confused women?”

“Many of those things are out of a woman’s control, my dear. Behaviour like that is a choice, and they know it’s wrong.”

Lexa didn’t know how much more of this she could take and was relieved when they all declined dessert, herself included. The evening had exhausted her, and now she just wanted to sleep. Her brain was finding it difficult to process the opinions these people had of people like her and she felt grateful that her sister accepted her and she didn’t grow up with such hatred, as she knew many people of her persuasion did. 

As they left the dining room, Mr Collins thanked her for joining them , and for saving Clarke’s life. He wished her well and then said his goodnights and left along with his father. Mr Jordan thanked Mrs Griffin and Clarke for having him at dinner, and kissed Lexa’s hand, telling her how nice it was to see her again. He offered to walk Lexa home but Lexa didn’t trust his motives and it seemed Clarke didn’t either, as she stepped in front of Lexa and said that Lexa was being collected by her friend from below deck. While her mother collected her coat, Clarke whispered some sweet nothings into her ear, and Lexa closed her eyes at the calming sound of Clarke’s voice. She thanked Clarke’s mother for the evening and for the meal, and promised to return the dress the next morning. She waited til they’d left and let out a sharp whistle, and sure enough, Raven came sprinting round the corner. 

“Walk me home.”

“What? You okay, Smudge?” She was out of breath. Lexa smiled fondly at her. 

“Just walk home with me, will you?”

“Yeah okay.” She linked her arm through Lexa’s and they made their way to their quarters. “You gon’ tell me what’s going on, Smudge?”

“Mr Jordan was there again. He offered to walk me home, and I didn’t want him getting any ideas, catch my drift?”

“Like he’d try.”

“He was bragging about having some girl’s sweetheart over dinner. Trust me, sounds like I wouldn’t be the first he’s tried to turn.”

Raven’s eyes widened then her look hardened. “He touches so much as an inch of you and he’s losing his balls.”

“Relax, Raven, he won’t get me. Not with you around, and Clarke.”

Raven looked at her hopefully. “Can I cut them off anyway?”

Lexa was about to tell Raven that no, of course she couldn’t castrate Mr Jordan but then she remembered his ugly remarks at inner, and the way he was looking at her, like she was his next conquest. 

“You know what, Raven? You see Mr Jordan, you can do whatever you like” She dropped her voice to a whisper. “I keep my whittling knife under my pillow.”

They both howled with laughter all the way home, the evening forgotten. Meanwhile, Clarke lay in bed, thinking of Lexa, the evening replaying again and again in her head, silent tears falling for no explicable reason, hoping and praying to God that their horrible comments hadn’t driven Lexa away.


	16. Meet Me Tonight

Clarke awoke the next morning with a heavy feeling in her chest. She hardly touched her breakfast, and retired to her room, her thoughts still on Lexa and the evening before. She sat on her bed, willing herself to do something with her time but instead found herself lying back onto the newly made bed, feeling lethargic and drained. There was a knock at the door, and a sigh escaped her lips, as she was sure it would be either Mr Jordan or even worse, Mr Collins, come to escort her on some fashion of a day out. She forced herself off the bed and made her way to the door, surprised to find her mother instead.

“Mother? Is everything alright?”

Her mother stepped into the room, lifting Clarke’s face up to inspect it. “I came to ask you the very same.”

Clarke nudged her mother’s hand away. “I’m alright.”

Her mother frowned. “You didn’t eat any of your breakfast. You love kedgeree.”

Clarke laughed softly. “I love your kedgeree, Mother. They put too much haddock in the one they make here, it overpowers it.”

Clarke’s mother smiled at the compliment. She rarely had time to cook for her daughter but as she’d realised that she wouldn’t have Clarke forever, she’d made a tradition of cooking breakfast for the family, and the cook would make luncheon and dinner in the evening. She’d become particularly skilled at making kedgeree, which soon quickly became Clarke’s favourite. Abigail learnt that although Clarke liked the haddock that was a staple of the dish, its smoky flavour was quite strong for her girl, and so she put less in Clarke’s plate, replacing it with more of the boiled egg, whereas Jack loved smoked haddock, and also loved a nice lot of parsley both in and on top of his kedgeree. 

“Now, Clarke, what would your father say?”

Clarke giggled. “There’s no such thing as too much haddock!”

Clarke’s mother giggled with her. “That man, he’d eat smoked haddock every day if I let him!”

As the giggles subsided, Clarke took in a deep breath of air and offered her arm to her mother. Her mother raised an eyebrow, not taking the hint.

“Come on, Mother, let’s go for a walk on the deck. If we’re lucky, the dolphins might be out.”

Abigail smiled, and took her daughters arm, letting Clarke lead the way to the deck. As they walked out, Clarke breathed in the familiar salty air, feeling the breeze dance around her hair, making it tickle the nape of her neck. It felt like Lexa’s lips, grazing the skin softly, giving Clarke goose bumps, the shudder that followed one of reminiscent pleasure. She dared not think about Lexa’s lips anywhere else, for fear of giving herself away. And also for the fact that she was out with her mother. Her cheeks reddened involuntarily at the prospect of fantasising about Lexa with her mother right at her side. As they turned a corner, Clarke’s happiness evaporated instantaneously as they bumped right into Mr Jordan. 

Her mother, always the polite socialite, greeted him first. “Mr Jordan! What a pleasant surprise! Good morning to you.”

He was scowling, and Clarke noticed that bumping into him had caused him to drop his cigarette. Knowing better than to pick it up and continuing to smoke it in front of the likes of them, he straightened his jacket and plastered on a smile. “Good morning, Mrs Griffin! Miss Griffin. Out on a walk?”

Clarke subconsciously moved closer to her mother. “Yes, we’re enjoying the air. Oh, and each other’s company of course.”

“Well that surely is nice. Say, how about I join you? Just so none of the layabouts round here gives you any trouble.”

Her mother, too polite to refuse him, nodded. “Why, of course, Mr Jordan. We’re just heading this way.” 

As they walked towards the main front deck, Clarke’s mother detached herself from Clarke and briskly walked to the railings, eager to see if the dolphins were out. As Clarke walked to catch up to her, Mr Jordan kept pace with her, looking around as he did.

“What are you doing, Mr Jordan?”

“Just lookin’ round for your safety, Miss Griffin, can’t be too careful now.”

“There is nothing out here that could possibly do any of us any harm, Mr Jordan. There’s even a constable stood right there!”

Mr Jordan acknowledged the constable, sticking another cigarette between his teeth. “Sometimes things we don’t think are dangerous, can be very dangerous indeed, Miss Griffin.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, not caring how unladylike it made her look. “What are you talking about, Mr Jordan? There is no one around.”

“I’m talking about that little Tom wanting to get her greasy little hands on you.”

Clarke was genuinely confused. “Tom? Mr Jordan, I really don’t know what-”

He lit his cigarette, throwing the match overboard. “You know, the little Tom bitch that came to dinner. She wants you, Miss Griffin, and you need protecting from her.”

Clarke was too shocked for words. How could he be so crude, talking about her Lexa? How dare he? She didn’t need protection from Lexa, Lexa WAS her protection, protection from people like him. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Mr Jordan. Miss Woods saved my life, so we invited her to dinner. That’s the last we’ll ever see of her.”

He took a long drag of his cigarette, before an evil grin crept across his face. “Don’t be so sure, Miss Griffin, don’t be so sure.”

Clarke followed his gaze to a bench where Raven and Lexa were smoking, and her heart began to sink. Was Mr Jordan going to go over there? He couldn’t possibly, could he? Lexa could handle herself in a fight, Clarke was sure of that, but the idea of Mr Jordan trying to hurt her was more than troubling. Lexa was carving something, it looked like a piece of wood, and Raven was reading a newspaper, every now and then nudging Lexa to show her something. Clarke looked back to Mr Jordan, who’s beady eyes were still fixated on Raven and Lexa.

“They are perfectly entitled to be on the decks of the ship, Mr Jordan, as are we. Leave them be.”

Mr Jordan spat on the floor, taking Clarke aback, and causing her to take a sharp breath from the shock of the disgusting act. “Fucking Toms, the pair of ‘em.”

Unbeknownst to Clarke, Lexa had heard her sharp gasp, and her head had immediately snapped up to the sound. Raven looked at her curiously, the newspaper blocking her view of Clarke and Mr Jordan.

“You okay, Smudge? What is it?”

“Clarke.”

Raven folded her newspaper and looked around. “Where?”

Lexa’s whole body was bristling as she watched Mr Jordan around Clarke like a hawk. She didn’t move, her muscles were rigid, like a panther about to pounce. “There.”

Raven looked where Lexa was looking and finally picked up Clarke. “Oh there. Who’s the guy?”

Lexa’s voice was a low growl. “Mr Jordan.”

Raven’s usual bravado dissipated as she became nervous. “He’s not gon’ come over here is he, Smudge?”

“He won’t get a warm welcome if he does.”

Lexa was ready for a fight, and there was no way Raven was gonna leave her without a brawling partner so she too started bristling. “Let me at him, Smudge, I’ll mess him up, ooh ooh give me your knife, now’s the perfect time for him to lose his balls!” 

Clarke nervously glanced towards Lexa and Raven. Lexa was looking murderously at Mr Jordan and Raven looked hyperactive, ready to launch herself at the man. 

“There’s no need for such crude expressions in public, Mr Jordan. Their lives are none of our business. Now if you intend to accompany myself and my mother, then do so. We are not here for you to start trouble, especially with a constable just over there.” 

She raised her voice slightly at the last part and Lexa glanced to the side, taking into account the constable and that if anything happened with Mr Jordan, they’d all be arrested, and shipped back to England. She noticed one of the boys she worked with in the engine room strolling past and quickly moved to fall into step with him. 

“Hey! It’s Monty, right?”

Lexa liked him, he kept to himself and was well mannered, unlike many of the other lads working down below. He had black, shaggy hair, and warm brown eyes. His figure was skinny but he was nimble and quick, working to shovel coal into the furnaces without once getting burnt. The lad grinned at her. “Yeah. You’re Lexa right?”

Lexa nodded. “Say, lets walk over there. Might see some dolphins, eh?”

Monty shrugged. “It is supposed to be the ship of dreams, why not?” 

They walked nearer to the railings, closer to where Clarke and Mr Jordan stood. Lexa knew she was playing with fire here but she wanted to make sure Clarke was safe, and she wanted to give her a message. Raven was watching her, her mouth agape but her eyes on both Lexa and Clarke. Lexa pulled Monty in close and whispered in his ear. 

“Okay, listen up. I like you, you’re a good lad, and you don’t try and feel me up in the workroom, alright?” The boy gulped and nodded. Lexa continued on. “Now, let’s just say, I’m not a normal girl. I don’t like boys, I like girls, in the same way that you like girls, got it?”

The boy nodded but whispered back. “I d-don’t like girls, L-Lexa.”

Lexa was briefly stunned for a moment but quickly launched back into her plan. “Okay, so you know how hard it is. Being the way we are.”

Monty nodded again. Satisfied, Lexa carried on. “See, that girl over there? The beautiful blonde? Yeah? Well, we’re in love. See that hulking brute she’s with?”

Monty looked Mr Jordan up and down. “Oh I see him. He’s handsome.”

Lexa looked at Monty’s dreamy face with disgust. “Well, he’s a queer hating, woman hating asshole. He works for her fiancée, and he’s onto us. Now I know this is a lot to take in but I need your help. You see, I need to give her a message. Now, how would you feel about pretending to be my sweetheart?”

Monty considered her proposition. “What do I get out of it?”

Lexa scowled. “How about my friend over there doesn’t hurt you? And let me tell you, she’s got a real thing for balls at the moment.”

She gestured to Raven, who quickly got the hint, and gave Monty her best menacing glare. The poor boy gulped and nodded. “Okay, okay, I’ll help you. But you gotta get me cigarettes. They won’t sell ‘em to me here, they say I can’t handle ‘em.”

Lexa laughed. “Okay, kid, I’ll get you some cigarettes. Are we set?”

Monty shrugged. “Sure, we’re set.”

They both approached the railing and looked out to the sea with Lexa carefully glancing around to see where Clarke was. Just in time it seemed as both she and Mr Jordan were making their way towards them.

Clarke got there first and quickly winked at Lexa before she spoke. “Miss Woods, how good to see you again. I trust you’ll be returning my dress soon, as per our arrangements?”

Mr Jordan caught up with her. “Yes, Miss Woods, wouldn’t want to have to charge you with stealing now, would we?”

Lexa nodded. “Of course not. The dress will be returned to you this afternoon, Miss Griffin. Thank you for lending it to me, I had a wonderful time.”

Mr Jordan eyed Monty suspiciously. “And who might this be?”

Monty stretched his hand out. “Monty Green, Sir. How do you do?”

Mr Jordan shook his hand roughly. “Jasper Jordan. You a friend of Miss Woods?”

Lexa smiled knowingly at Clarke. “Monty’s my sweetheart, Mr Jordan. We work in the engine rooms together.”

Mr Jordan narrowed his eyes at her. “Your sweetheart, huh? Didn’t know you had one of those, Miss Woods.”

Lexa looked at him coldly. “You didn’t ask, Mr Jordan.”

They stared each other off until he finally gave it up. “Well, good for you, Miss Woods. See you around, Mr Green. I’m going to check on your mother, Miss Griffin.”

As he stalked away Lexa stepped a little closer to Clarke. “Meet me tonight?”

Clarke fought hard to control her breathing. Lexa always made her feel like she couldn’t breathe. “Where?”

“I’ll wait by your room. I’ll knock three times.”

“Alright.”

“Wait for me.”

“I will.”

“I should go.”

“I’ll see you tonight.”

“See you tonight.”

As Lexa walked away with the lad she was with, returning to Raven who immediately punched Lexa and started nudging her, raising a giggle from Clarke, Clarke sighed happily and made her way back to her mother who she was relieved to see had dismissed Mr Jordan, allowing Clarke to freely daydream about what Lexa had planned for her that night.


	17. Dancing in the Dark

Lexa waited in the shadows near Clarke’s cabin, anxious to see Clarke but careful not to be caught. Clarke’s mother had been in to say goodnight and Lexa had heard her express her relief that Lexa had returned the borrowed dress. There had been no sign of Mr Collins this evening, and Mr Jordan was also nowhere to be seen, so Lexa confidently strode to the door and knocked three times. Clarke answered, still in the dress she had been wearing earlier, chewing her bottom lip nervously.

“I didn’t know what to wear.”

Lexa looked her up and down. “As much as I love to look at you in that dress, have you got something a little…simpler?”

Clarke looked thoughtful, then disappeared back into her room. After about 15 minutes, she returned wearing a soft pink coloured dress, absent of lace or fancy sleeves and Lexa nodded her appreciation. She offered her arm to Clarke who took it without hesitation. 

"Where are we going?"

Lexa smirked. “You’ll see. We have to meet Raven first.”

“Alright. Who was that boy?”

“Monty? Just a friend of mine. He’s on the night shift, he won’t be there.”

As they rounded the corner, Raven appeared next to Clarke from the shadows, a lit cigarette in her mouth and a mischievous grin on her face. Clarke had almost jumped out of her skin, and was scowling at the girl, a sight that Lexa found truly amusing. 

“You told her where we’re goin’ yet, Smudge?”

“Not yet.”

Raven nudged Clarke’s ribs enthusiastically. “Ha! You’re in for a treat, Blondie! You mind if I call you Blondie? 

Clarke bit her lip. “Um, I don’t know.”

Raven linked arms with her. “Ah it’ll grow on ya, Blondie. Come on, you’re gonna love this.”

Clarke glanced back at a thoroughly entertained Lexa who couldn’t wipe the smirk off her face as Clarke scowled in a plea for help. As they walked lower and lower below deck, they approached a room where Clarke could hear loud, festive music, boisterous cheers and could smell beer. Her initial thought was to be frightened but she knew Lexa wouldn’t take her somewhere where she’d be in danger. They entered a room absolutely filled to the brim with the people of working class. Lexa had taken her to a lower deck party. Two gentleman were playing a vigorous upbeat tune on fiddles, and alcohol was being served in a corner where a bar that looked like it had been built that afternoon was now situated. 

“Are you sure this is, you know, allowed here?” 

Raven giggled. “Stop worryin’ Blondie! We is allowed these parties so long as we don’t disturb the upper class, and we don’t damage the boat.”

“You’ve been to one of these before?”

“Sure I have. Now if you don’t mind, Blondie, I have somebody to meet. Hey, Bobby! Get your lousy ass over to that cards table!”

She pushed her way through the many people and soon Clarke lost her in the crowd. She turned to see that Lexa was also nowhere to be found and began to panic. As she tried to calm herself down, she made her way over to the bar, logically reasoning that she’d be able to scan for Lexa and Raven from there. As she approached, she soon realised that the only alcoholic beverage she had ever really had was wine, and she was pretty certain that they wouldn’t have any of that here. There was no harm in asking, she thought, but she hoped she’d find Lexa before then. She had no such luck a she reached her destination, and patiently waited in line to be served.

“Do…do you have wine?” Clarke looked around the makeshift bar tentatively, cringing inwardly as the people around her erupted into fits of laughter.

“Wine! Where does she think she is?”

“Hey! Somebody get a waiter from first class to serve milady!”

“Make sure it’s in the best crystal on the silverest of trays!”

The bartender gruffly set down an overflowing tankard of beer in front of Clarke who eyed the frothy liquid suspiciously.

“Beer?”

“Take it or leave it, lady.”

“O...okay.” She gingerly took a sip, the bitter flavour overwhelming her senses, causing her to spit it back into the glass.

“What? Not good enough for you?”

“Don’t you have water?”

Rolling his eyes, the bartender thrust a warm glass of water at her, spilling half of it. “Here. Now move. I have other customers, and you’re wasting my time.”

Clarke picked her way back through the crowds, eventually finding Raven and Lexa at a cards table, Raven playing poker with some huge brute while Lexa watched, sipping a beer.

“Oh come on! You’ve cleared me out!” The man suddenly wined as he handed his money over to Raven who pocketed it eagerly.

“Hey, don’t hate the player, hate the game. Now, a deals a deal, Bobby. Introduce me to your sister.”

Clarke’s eyes widened as she whispered to Lexa. “Don’t you think she should be a little more discreet?”

Lexa shrugged. “She’s a pretty good judge of character. She wouldn’t set him up if she wasn’t sure his sister was, you know, like us.”

“She set him up? You mean she cheated?”

Lexa nodded. “Oh yeah, she’s criminal in cheating at poker. Can’t play an honest game, she’s too used to winning.”

Raven returned with a beautiful, short haired brunette in tow. She had big, chocolate brown doe eyes, and her hair was a bunch of messy curls.

“Hi, I’m Luna.”

Lexa smiled. “Lexa. This is Clarke.”

Clarke smiled too in acknowledgement. Raven led her over to where they were sitting, with Luna sitting on her lap. Both Clarke and Lexa raised their eyebrows in unison but Raven deflected their questioning stares with a “What? Got a problem?”  
Clarke nestled closer to Lexa, despite Raven’s often crude behaviours; she couldn’t help but feel a small pang of jealousy at the sight of this new girl on her lap, the notion inherently romantic in her eyes. Lexa seemed oblivious to Clarke’s intentions, continuing to drink her beer, her eyes on the dancing crowds before her. 

“Lexa?”

Her attention finally shifted towards Clarke smiling warmly at her. “Hey you.”

“Are you alright?”

Lexa put her arm around Clarke, pulling her closer. “Never better.”

Clarke blushed at the feeling of Lexa’s body against her. “Me too.”

She leaned in and kissed Lexa’s cheek. Lexa’s eyes fluttered closed, a smirk creeping across her face. The band’s music began to pick up and a mischievous twinkle suddenly appeared in Clarke’s eyes. 

Lexa raised an eyebrow. “What are you thinking?”

Clarke stood, offering Lexa her hand. “Dance with me?”

She gestured to a small area, and Lexa followed her pointing hand to where several drunken people had crowded together in an energetic, enthusiastic dance.

“I’m not sure that it’s the kind of dance you’re used to Clarke.”

Clarke laughed. “It’s just dancing, Lexa! Come on, have some fun!”

Lexa rolled her eyes and took a few quick gulps of her beer. 

“Come on then.” She took Clarke’s hand, allowing her to pull her from her seat. 

Raven giggled. “Ha! Good luck, Smudge! You wanna dance, sweetheart?”

“Sure.”

Luna smirked and got off Raven’s lap. She started to follow Lexa and Clarke towards the dancing crowd, turning briefly to beckon seductively.

Raven moved off her seat faster than she’d ever moved in her life.


	18. Heated Words

Lexa felt giddy, and she wasn’t sure if it was the beer or the fact that right here, right now, she had the most beautiful woman in her arms, laughing, smiling and dancing with her. It was a feeling she had not known in a long time, and she couldn’t help but feel as if Clarke had been sent by Costia herself in Heaven above in order to ensure that Lexa would remain happy on Earth. Sure, there were a few looks of distaste from some onlookers who surely disapproved of Lexa and Raven’s behaviours but right now, in this magical moment, she simply could not care less. Let them frown, let them mutter, let them fester in their bitter attitudes forever; she couldn’t give a damn if she tried. All that mattered was the sound of Clarke’s laughter, and the deep emotions in those soulful, blue eyes that made Lexa’s knees feel weak, and her heart full. 

“What are you smiling so much at?” Clarke’s hand brushed against her face.

“I’m smiling at you, silly.”

Clarke feigned surprise and awe. “Me? What could you possibly be smiling at me for?”

Lexa poked her gently in the ribs, a teasing smile replacing her usual smirk. “Are you sure that sip of beer hasn’t gone to that pretty little head of yours?”

Clarke giggled. “Do you think I’m drunk?”

“Hmmm…let me check.” Lexa held Clarke’s face in her hands, gently turning it from side to side in her mock examination.

“Yup, you’re definitely drunk, Miss Griffin. What a bad example to us poor folk you are!”

Clarke gasped. “But you’re the one who’s been drinking all the beer! I barely touched a drop!”

Lexa shook her head. “That’s all it takes, one sip, and then you’re all fuzzy in the head for the rest of the night.”

Clarke leaned in close, inches from Lexa, causing her breathing to suddenly speed up as she parted her lips expectantly, eager to feel Clarke’s lips upon her own, to feel the electricity that seemed to ignite between them every single time they so much as touched one another. To her disappointment, Clarke placed her hand over Lexa’s mouth.

“You better take me to my room then, Miss Woods.”

She laughed softly, and then turned to begin making her way towards the exit, turning back to wink at Lexa. She needed no more encouragement than that, and glanced around the room, scanning for Raven, locating her in a dark corner with her own beau of the evening in a rather sultry embrace. She made sure that they made eye contact and gestured towards Clarke and the exit, with Raven nodding her acknowledgement that they were leaving, before returning her attentions towards Luna.

Lexa joined Clarke and quickly ushered her through the crowd, making sure to avoid those who’d been watching them on the dance floor. As they made it out into the open air, Clarke approached the railings and leaned out to look at the sea, although there wasn’t much to see at this time of night. Lexa leaned against the railing as Clarke continued to breathe the air and stuck a cigarette between her teeth. 

“You’re not gonna try to jump again are you, sweetheart?”

Clarke laughed. “Of course not!” 

She jumped down from the railing, her smile quickly forming into a frown. “Oh Lexa, I wish you wouldn’t smoke so much.”

Lexa frowned with her. “What?”

Clarke gestured at the cigarette in her mouth exasperatedly. “I mean, they’re not exactly good for you! My father says they’re poisonous!”

Lexa raised an eyebrow. “You’ve never had a problem with it before now.”

She lit the match ready in her hand. Clarke sighed. “Please don’t light it, Lexa. For me.”

Lexa bristled at being told what to do, defiantly brought the match towards the cigarette. “I can smoke if I want to, Clarke. I’ve been smoking near all my life. I ain’t gon’ stop now.”

“My father treats people who spend their lives smoking. They nearly always die, Lexa. I’m just looking out for you.”

“I don’t need you to look out for me, Clarke, I’ve managed just fine so far and I’m sure I’ll manage just fine now.”

Clarke’s frown deepened. “I’m not trying to start a fight with you, Lexa.”

“Damn sure feels like it.” Lexa cursed as her match suddenly burned her fingers, dropping it into the water quickly. 

Clarke giggled. “See? It’s a sign that you should smoke less.”

“It’s a sign that you should let me light my cigarette.” Lexa deadpanned.

Clarke gently poked her arm. “Oh Lexa, don’t be so serious.” 

“Yeah well, I don’t like being told what to do. Costia never minded me smoking.”

Clarke’s arm quickly dropped to her side. Lexa had never mentioned a Costia before. Who was she? A lover back in England? A lover waiting in America? Clarke’s stomach clenched as she entertained the possibility of Lexa having another lover on the ship. Could she call Lexa her lover? They’d kissed, but that was all. Was Lexa seeking what Clarke hadn’t yet given her from others? Dare she ask who this Costia was? Would she like the answer? Would Lexa admit the truth?

Her curiosity got the better of her. “Who’s Costia?”

Lexa stiffened and lit another match, lighting her cigarette. “Nobody.”

“She can’t be nobody, she must be a real person if she let you smoke…?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” Lexa waved her hand dismissively and took a long drag on her cigarette. 

It suddenly felt as if there was a cold air between them, a barrier separating them, and for the first time, Clarke felt that she was with a stranger rather than someone she was falling in love with. 

“Was she someone important to you, this Costia?”

“I said I don’t wanna talk about it, Clarke. Leave it.”

“Is she your sweetheart back home?”

“No.”

“In America?”

“No.”

Clarke held her breath slightly. “Here…?”

Lexa threw her cigarette in the ocean and let out a frustrated sigh/ “Jesus, Clarke, why can’t you just leave it be?! I said I didn’t wanna talk about it!”

Tears began forming in Clarke’s eyes as she too began to boil over with frustration. “Well, if you’re stringing me along for a good time, I think I deserve to know!”

Lexa’s mouth was agape in shock. “Do you really think that little of me? Do you really think I could do that to you?”

“It doesn’t help when you’re so secretive!”

“Secretive? Secretive?! I’ve told you everything there is to know about me!”

“Then who’s Costia?!”

Lexa growled, aggravated. “She was my sweetheart! There! Now you know! Are you happy now, Clarke? She was my sweetheart, and now she’s not because she died and left me here and now I’m stuck with you!”

A heavy silence fell between them, Lexa’s chest heaving as she struggled to breath after her ranting. The air was thick with the remnants of their argument, like evil smog. Her hands were clenched in tight fists so hard that her knuckled were white. She slowly uncurled them, stretching her fingers out, taking deep breaths as she did so. It was rare for her to lose her temper like that and as she looked up to glance at Clarke, regret instantly washed over her. Her blood felt cold, her throat felt tight, and all she could think to do was reach for her, for the girl that she’d been thanking her lucky stars for meeting, for the girl who she knew she was already so in love with. For the girl she’d been laughing with only moments ago, who was now before her, crying.

Tears were running down Clarke’s face, slowly, without a single sound and as Lexa closed the distance between them and reached for her, she shied away. She took a breath and quickly dried her face.

“I’m sorry you’re stuck with me, Lexa. But-”

“Clarke, please, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“But if you find my company so undesirable then I suggest you look elsewhere.”

Clarke hastily began to make her way towards the upper decks and all Lexa could do was run after her.

“Clarke, listen to me, I didn’t mean what I said, it was stupid, of course I’m not stuck with you, I lo-”

Clarke stopped dead in her tracks, her tears starting afresh. “Don’t you dare claim to love me in the same breath as saying you were stuck with me! You said what you said, Lexa, and I believe you did mean it. I’m going back to my room, and I don’t plan on seeing you again.”

Lexa grabbed Clarke’s hands, desperately looking into her eyes, wiping away what she could of her tears. 

“Please don’t say that, Clarke, please, I didn’t mean it, I swear…just give me another chance, I’ll make it up to you…”

Clarke’s voice was barely above a whisper. “You know, for a moment, I really thought you loved me, Lexa.”

Lexa’s eyes were deep and pleading. “I do love you, Clarke. I do. Please don’t send me away.”

Clarke’s eyes were still filling with tears but were now hard with resolution as she let go of Lexa’s hands, her own falling flatly to her sides. 

“What’s worse is that I don’t think I’d have ever stopped loving you. Maybe I never will. Goodbye, Lexa.”

Lexa made to follow her but stopped as Clarke turned sharply, her voice thick with emotion. “I’ll be asking for Mr Jordan to be stationed outside my door, so I suggest you don’t follow me.”

Tears threatened at the corners of Lexa’s eyes. “Don’t do this, Clarke…”

Shaking her head softly, Clarke stepped away and started a brisk walk towards the upper decks, this time with Lexa staying where she was. She couldn’t believe what had just happened. Her stupid pride and wounded memories had ruined her chance at happiness with Clarke, a love now lost to her. She took one last look at the retreating blonde curls with a heavy heart and began her descent back down to the party. As she did so, she did not notice that Clarke too had turned back for one last look at the untamed brown tresses and familiar black cap that she would surely not have the pleasure of meeting again, and as she made her way to her room she tried not to think about forest green eyes and the smell of warm tobacco, musk and sea salt.


	19. A Second Chance

Clarke threw herself onto her bed. She couldn’t believe what had just happened. She knew deep down that she’d probably overreacted but for Lexa to say that she was stuck with her, well Clarke wasn’t known for her poise and structure when it came to being insulted, especially in such a manner. Clarke missed her already. 

She found herself subconsciously wandering to the wardrobe where she picked out the dress Lexa had worn to dinner the other night. She brought it to her nose and breathed in the familiar musky smell that was…Lexa. Her heart had felt so full when Lexa was dancing with her, and now, now that they’d had this stupid fight, she just felt empty. She looked out of the window and sighed, the ocean feeling more like a stranger than a friend, and she felt no desire within her to go out and stare into the waves as she usually did when she felt conflicted. 

She resigned herself to sleep, that at least she could manage. Climbing into the large bed, Clarke felt more alone than ever. She wanted to make things right with Lexa, but felt that she was due an explanation too. She hadn’t meant to hit a nerve by asking about whoever Costia was, and while she now gathered that Costia was very special to Clarke, she wasn’t quite sure why Lexa had gotten so angry. 

She thought back to her father in England, and recalled all the fights she’d had with her mother over his treatment, his care and his will. Her eyes widened in understanding. People who care about someone so strongly, when they leave the mortal plane, it can be hard to talk about. So hard that when people try to press them, as Clarke had done, they can react like an animal being poked and prodded by its master. Anger was understandable when it came to such overwhelming sadness. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut with the thought of her father leaving her. She understood Lexa’s outburst but she knew that there was probably more to it than that. Not that she would ever find out. Perhaps she and Lexa were simply not meant to be. Maybe she was destined to marry Mr Collins and live her life as the good housewife, raising his heirs and looking pretty on his arm at social events. Clarke sighed, as she heard the caw of birds flying above the ocean waves. How free they were, flying around without a care in the world. Clarke’s eyes were closing, and soon enough exhaustion would take her into the world of slumber. A last thought of Lexa entered her mind before Clarke fell into a long, deep sleep. 

Meanwhile, Lexa had heard more than she’d wanted to of Raven’s night with Luna as she’d returned to their quarters and had returned to the decks, smoking a cigarette and staring morosely at the dark water. She glared at the smouldering end of the cigarette in her hand, as if blaming it for what had happened with Clarke. It had been so long since someone had talked about Costia. Lexa was so used to just bottling up her feelings of grief and loss, that when Clarke had inadvertently opened them up, they’d just exploded. Lexa flicked ash into the water, and contemplated what she could do. She belonged with Clarke, and she was damn sure that she was gonna make things right. She had to, there was no way she was going to leave things the way they were.  
But if Clarke was serious about using Mr Jordan as her personal bodyguard, Lexa had to careful, and crafty. He wouldn’t be too hard to outsmart but she needed to win Clarke over first. That was going to be the hard part. Lexa thought to herself, what could she do to win Clarke back? Heading back to her quarters, she put her ear to the door and, satisfied that Raven and Luna had finally gone to sleep, quickly entered and got into her bunk before falling into a restless sleep.

When she awoke, Raven was in bed reading a newspaper, and smoking a cigarette, a naked Luna curled around her still asleep. Lexa raised an eyebrow at her and stretched, her body feeling sore and drained after a night of not much sleep. Raven smirked. 

“Your night as good as mine, eh, Smudge?”

Lexa glared at her. “My night was shit, Raven. I upset Clarke and now she doesn’t want to see me.”

Raven frowned. “Say what now? You and Blondie been fightin’? That’s no good, Smudge.”

Lexa grunted and lit a cigarette. “You think I don’t know that?”

“Well, what was you fightin’ about?”

“Costia.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Raven ruffled her newspaper and turned the page. “You gon’ try an see her anyways?”

Lexa shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t know. I mean, I want to. I just don’t know how.”

“Well, that’s easy, Smudge. You goes up to her door, and you knocks on it. That’s how you sees her.”

“She’s having Mr Jordan guard it.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“That’s too bad, Smudge. She was a nice girl. Real nice.”

Lexa yawned and stretched some more. She nodded towards Luna. “She any good?”

Raven smirked mischievously. “Real good.”

Lexa pulled herself out of bed and walked to the wash basin where she quickly bathed herself and dressed in pants and shirt before tucking her hair in her cap. She had work today and she couldn’t afford to be thinking about Clarke right now. 

“I gotta work, but I’ll be around later. Please don’t be tipping the velvet with her when I get back.”

Raven guffawed loudly as Lexa left the room, yelling after her. “No promises, Smudge!”

On the other side of the ship, Clarke had managed to survive breakfast with her mother, and her questions as to why Clarke seemed so tired lately. She’d also given in to the mounting pressure and accepted Mr Collins’ proposal much to her mother’s shock. She was having afternoon tea with Mr Collins, his father and her mother as they discussed wedding plans, and to her absolute horror, children. Mr Collins made it clear that he expected 3 strapping boys, maybe a girl or two for him to dote on. 

Clarke let them talk. It didn’t matter to her. It wasn’t like she’d ever have a choice in the whole thing. Her mind was on one thing and one thing only. As the ocean air breezed into the restaurant from the open windows, the smell of sea salt danced alluringly around her nose, immediately awakening her senses, memories of Lexa flooding through her as if in response. She imagined what it would be like to be with Lexa the way she was expected to be with Mr Collins. She pictured a small house, just enough for herself and Lexa, maybe two little girls…

Clarke shook herself out of the daydream. Now that whatever had been between herself and Lexa was over, she knew she should’ve been trying to forget her, let alone imagining what their future could’ve been like. However, Clarke couldn’t help herself. No one was making any effort to make conversation with her, and so she went back to her dream world.

She pictured herself teaching her little girls to read and paint, cooking dinner at the stove and then Lexa coming through the door after her day of work, picking up the girls one by one, kissing their little cheeks before hugging Clarke from behind, pressing her lips to her neck, her cheek, spinning her to kiss her, Clarke being all that she thinks of when she is away. That was the kind of life Clarke dreamed of. She didn’t want to live in an empty, cold mansion with a man she didn’t love or even like. She couldn’t care less about riches, about socialising with people she didn’t even know, and she especially could not care less about the wants and wishes of Mr Collins. She knew what she wanted, who she wanted. She sighed as she thought of Lexa, and their argument. Lexa wouldn’t have her back now. 

Dinner ended soon after, and she retired to her room with her mother’s blessing. Clarke had had a busy day and her mother was still processing the fact that her daughter had accepted the proposal that she had been sure she’d never accept. As Clarke opened her door, she found a piece of paper with some words scribbled in a rough scrawl on it. 

If I have ever known a love like yours  
Then I have been blind to it  
And find myself lost in Aphrodite’s grasp  
For I have known a beauty such as yours  
And I have known love  
But I have never wanted love  
So much as I have desperately wanted yours

Clarke’s eyes widened in surprise. She had never guessed that Lexa would be so literate, and so poetic. She sighed dreamily at the romantic notes of the poem. She quickly folded up the piece of paper and placed it under her pillow, before she danced giddily around her room, the feeling of hope swelling deep in her chest. She’d try and seek Lexa out tomorrow. Then they could make things right. She laughed to herself as she wondered if Lexa received what she’d sent her earlier in her attempt to make peace. She took the dress from the wardrobe that Lexa had worn and lay on the bed, the musky smell surrounding her and soothing her to sleep, with the knowledge that all was not yet lost with her coal smudged beauty.

As Lexa trudged in to find Raven and Luna naked in bed, reading the newspaper together, she rolled her eyes and bathed her sore neck with cold water. Raven was smirking, and Luna giggled. 

“Please tell me you two are done for the night.”

Raven giggled. “Hey, I said no promises, Smudge.”

Luna whispered something into Raven’s ear and kissed her neck. Lexa shook her head, and climbed onto her bunk, mumbling something about being sick if they carried on. 

“Hasn’t she seen it yet?” She heard Luna whisper. Narrowing her eyes suspiciously, she leaned out of her bunk. 

“Seen what?”

Raven’s smiled curved upwards knowingly. “Aw, come on, Smudge, it’s for you to find.”

Lexa sighed, rubbing her temples. “Enough with the games, Raven. What are you talking about?”

Raven shrugged. “Some kid delivered it, said it was for you, so I left it on your pillow.”

Lexa looked down and saw she’d knocked something on the floor. It was a small canvas square. As she picked it up, she turned it over to reveal a small charcoal drawing of the decks of the ship, and two people standing with their backs to the artist. One could be mistaken for a boy but Lexa recognised her own curly hair tumbling down from the cap the person in the drawing wore. The woman in the dress with the parasol, with her arm curled around Lexa’s was unmistakeably Clarke. Written on the back in neat, pencilled writing was “Love found on the ship of dreams…”

Lexa smiled warmly turning the picture over in her hands. Raven was watching her curiously. 

“Well? What is it, Smudge?”

“It’s a message.”

“From who? The man upstairs?”

Lexa laughed softly. “No, Raven. It’s my second chance.”

“From the man upstairs?”

“No, Raven” Lexa smiled at her, her eyes lighting up “the message is from Clarke.”

She climbed into bed eagerly, now anxious for the next day to come. As she mused over the drawing, tracing it with her fingers, she thought of Clarke and her message. She smiled as she hoped that Clarke had gotten her poem. Deep down, something gave her the feeling that she had. Clarke had given her this message, and with it a second chance, one that Lexa knew better than to waste. As Raven murmured her congratulations and snuggled up with Luna for the night, Lexa smiled fondly at them, knowing that she too would soon feel the return of her love’s embrace.


	20. Reunited

Lexa knew she was in for a hard day at work. The captain had sent word down to the engine room that they were approaching icy waters, and icy waters meant icebergs in the water. The ship was unsinkable, everyone knew that, but it wouldn’t be a good show to crash into anything nonetheless. The White Star Line wanted a smooth cruise for its first class passengers and there would be consequences if anything went wrong. The engine room had to be on high alert in case the captain ordered a hard brake or a slowdown which meant reducing the coal intake of the engines. Lexa, Monty and the rest of the crew had to keep their ears sharp, waiting for Louis to shout “HALT!” and give them their next orders. It had worked in practice, so Lexa was fairly confident that the rest of the journey would continue as planned.

As she entered the hot, steaming engine room and took over her shift, she looked around and noticed that Monty was missing. They were almost always on shift together. Louis was walking past her and Lexa jogged to keep up with him.

“Hey Louis, where’s Monty?”

Louis shook his head. “He’s restin’ up, Lex. Let’s just say he’s not in good shape. Poor lad.”

“Why? What happened?”

Louis sighed and took her to one side. “Look, as far as I know, he got jumped by some fellas and beat up real bad. I mean, the kid’s a whoopsie, you know, a queer. He probably caught the attention of the wrong guys, you get my drift?”

“Is he gonna be alright?”

“He’ll live. But I’ve warned him that he gotta stay outta trouble if he wants to keep his job. I like the kid, but I need hands on deck. Now, ain’t you got somethin’ to be doin’?”

Lexa swallowed and nodded. Returning to her station, she began shovelling coal into the furnace at a steady pace. She hated this world, it wasn’t fair. Men and women could walk this earth doing as they please and yet if two men or two women declared their love for each other, it was suddenly wrong, a sin. People like her and Monty were treated as less than human, as if they deserved the beatings life seemed to serve them on the daily. Lexa had gotten into plenty of fights when she’d been found out, and truthfully, she’d not won all of them. She’d patched herself up; no one would ever have any sympathy for her, not for her ‘kind’. She was determined that she wouldn’t live a life of fear, refused to back down from any accusation, but now she had Clarke to think about. Clarke couldn’t fight; Clarke couldn’t survive being jumped like Monty. Lexa’s face hardened as she shovelled coal in faster and faster. Lexa would fight for her then. There’s no fight she wouldn’t pick for Clarke, she would protect her forever. Nobody would ever hurt her, never again. As soon as this ship docked, she would take Clarke and start their new life together, away from their families, away from judgement, away from everything. 

“Hey, hey, Lex! Slow down on the coal!”

One of the guys was waving his hands at her, signalling her to slow down. Lexa smiled apologetically and slowed down. Taking a moment to breathe, she started again, this time maintaining a steady pace. She needed to see Clarke. That would put her nerves at ease. Although she was pretty sure they had made up after their argument, they still needed to talk, and Lexa felt confident that Clarke was probably as eager as she was to see her again. 

Lexa wasn’t wrong, and as Clarke busied herself with a new portrait she was starting, she was thinking of her. Delicately sketching with a fresh pencil, Clarke relished in the art. Drawing and painting was her favourite hobby. The curves, the lines her pencil drew reflected what she was truly feeling inside. Every smudge, each colour she chose to appear on the canvas was an art in itself; it allowed her to be herself. Instead of boring still life, or scenery landscapes, Clarke had felt alive as she’d quickly but carefully sketched the picture of herself and Lexa on the decks. Now she felt encouraged to try another portrait but as she ran her eyes over the outline she’d drawn, seeking any imperfections or mistakes, she realized that she’d drawn a man. She’d drawn her father. A strong jawline, slightly big ears. Hair immaculately combed. Eyes kind and clever. Her hands shook as she put her pencil down, running her hand over the drawing, tracing it with her finger. She hadn’t spared her father much thought these recent days, and a feeling of guilt washed over her. 

Grabbing a shawl, she left a note for her mother should she come looking for her, that she was going to the upper deck for some fresh air. As she finished the climb to the deck, she looked around, knowing that it was foolish to expect Lexa to be there just because she was. She walked to the railings and took a deep breath of the cold air, the breeze nipping at her face, and making her eyes water. The feeling of the tears down her face made Clarke feel inexplicably sad. Perhaps she was not as cold as she’d led herself to believe. 

“What’s a pretty girl like you cryin’ for?”

Smiling at the familiar voice, Clarke turned to face Raven who was lighting up a cigarette, and moved to lean against the railings beside her.

“It’s the wind.”

“Cheer up, Blondie. You and Smudge made up now, ain’t ya?”

Clarke managed a small smile. “I haven’t seen her yet, but yes, I think so.”

“Well then! What you got to be cryin’ for?”

Clarke looked down and mused at the swirling water below, little chips of ice glinting in the sunshine.

“I miss my father. He stayed in England.”

Raven took a long drag of her cigarette. “He took ill?”

Clarke’s eyes met hers in surprise. “Y-yes. His heart is failing. The doctor advised that he wasn’t well enough to travel. That’s why I’m here.”

Raven put her arm around Clarke reassuringly. “You gotta see it as a sign, Blondie. Your father stayed behind, but he gives you his ticket. Now, if you hadn’t been on this here ship, then you would never have met good ol’ Smudge. For all he’s worth, the man upstairs, he gots some tricks up his sleeves. I don’t reckon he hates us as much as the old priests says.”

Clarke followed her gaze to the clouds, a flock of birds she couldn’t identify flying high above. Raven did have a point. If she’d never taken her father’s place on this journey, she’d have never met Lexa, the one she believed she was truly meant for. She would see her father again; it would just take some time. Hearing footsteps approach, she tensed, thinking that Mr Jordan had caught her with Raven only to turn and finally see Lexa’s smiling face. Surging forward into her arms, she hugged her as tightly as she could. She never wanted to let go. Lexa’s arms had wrapped around Clarke but not tightly, just enough that Clarke felt safe and loved. It was an embrace she wanted to feel every day for the rest of her life. Raven patted Lexa on the shoulder and mumbled something about seeing her later.

Lexa held her face in her hands, warmed from working below. “I’m so sorry, Clarke. I’m so sorry I snapped at you, I didn’t mean any of it…”

Clarke so desperately wanted to kiss her. “It’s alright, it’s alright.”

Lexa quickly let go of Clarke’s face, aware that they were in public. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too. I wish there was somewhere we could go, somewhere private…”

Lexa blushed but quickly woke up and nodded. “Follow me, I know a place.” 

Clarke eagerly followed as Lexa took her hand and began to lead her below deck, careful to make sure no one saw them or followed them. After about ten minutes, they reached Lexa’s living quarters. Lexa ushered her in and sat down on the bunk. 

“Welcome to my, uh, livings I guess. Me and Raven sleep here. Probably not as fancy as yours huh?”

Clarke looked around. It was small and cramped but it was still a bed and wash basin. Better than nothing. “No, I like it.”

She sat next to Lexa and hugged her tightly again. She didn’t know how it started but she leant forward and kissed Lexa, melting as Lexa began to take control and deepen the kiss. She felt herself unravel as Lexa kissed her cheek, her lips, her neck, anywhere Lexa seemed to touch created heat and a pulsing need that made Clarke blush but also hungry for more. Her very core seemed to be vibrating with a need for Lexa’s touch. A breathy moan escaped her as Lexa’s teeth grazed her neck and her hands began to unbutton Clarke’s dress…

“Hey, Smudge, you goin’ to the – oh my god!”

Lexa and Clarke sprang apart as Raven entered the room and burst into laughter. Lexa scowled ad threw a pillow at her.

“What the hell, Raven!”

“Well, I guess you two done made up huh?” Raven was tearing up with laughter.

Clarke had turned a brilliant shade of pink. She quickly got up, and kissed Lexa’s cheek. “I should be going anyway, someone might be missing me. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Lexa nodded. “Of course.”

Clarke left quietly, leaving Lexa still scowling murderously at Raven. “What? It was pretty funny, Smudge.”

Lexa huffed. “I hate you.”

Raven, still laughing, climbed into her bunk. “Yeah, sure you do, Smudge. I loves you too. G’night.”


	21. A Light Gone Out

Clarke felt like she was floating on air. Now that things were right with Lexa again, she felt like she could take on the world, Mr Collins and Mr Jordan included. As she practically skipped back to her quarters, she slowed as she noticed Mr Jordan waiting outside. Preparing herself for more of his crude attempts at threatening conversation, Clarke stepped forward, her chin high, and her best haughty expression on her face. 

“Good afternoon, Mr Jordan. I wasn’t expecting you.”

His face was sombre, and for once he wasn’t smoking. “My condolences, Miss Griffin. Your mother is waiting inside.”

He opened the door for her, and Clarke stepped inside cautiously, feeling as if the mouse had just let the cat trick her into taking the cheese from the trap. Her mother was sat at Clarke’s dresser, her eyes red and puffy from crying. In her hand was a piece of paper that Clarke recognised as a telegram. 

“Mother, what is it?”

Rushing to her mother’s side, Clarke tried to discern what could have happened by her mother’s face but she just looked empty and grief stricken. Whatever it was, it wasn’t good news. Taking the telegram gently from her hand, Clarke opened it and began to read aloud. 

“FOR MRS GRIFFIN. STOP. AND HER DAUGHTER. STOP. REGRETFUL NEWS FROM THE GRIFFIN HOUSEHOLD. STOP. AT 3:30 AM MR JACK GRIFFIN WAS FOUND PASSED IN HIS BED. STOP.”

Her mother whimpered beside her. “Oh, Jack…”

Clarke felt faint, and steadied herself against her bedpost before continuing. “CAUSE OF PASSING SUSPECT TO BE HEART FAILURE. STOP. CONDOLENSCES TO THE FAMILY. STOP. WILL TO BE READ UPON RETURN TO ENGLAND.STOP. ESTATE UNDER ATTORNEY CARE. STOP.”

The telegram fell from her hand as Clarke stifled her own sobs. Her father had died, in England, alone and without her. Her poor, doting father who had endeavoured his entire life to giving her and her mother the best he could. Clarke felt sick, as if someone had pulled a rug from beneath her and she hadn’t stopped falling. The world around her felt slow, and sluggish, like wading through thick mud. 

She didn’t realise she’d stumbled to her knees until she felt her mother’s gentle hands picking her up and pulling her into a soft embrace. “There, there, Clarke, we’re going to be alright.”

Clarke cried harder into her mother’s shoulder. “I can’t believe he’s gone.”

Her mother hummed and soothed her as best she could. “We have to be strong for him, Clarke; it’s what he would want.”

Clarke tried to wipe her tears, fresh ones taking their place. “He was all alone, Mother! We weren’t there for him!”

Her mother’s eyes filled with tears. “It was a risk he wanted to take, Clarke! He wanted us to go on this cruise!”

Clarke was angry now. She didn’t know why, but she felt anger, towards herself and towards her mother. “We could’ve refused! We could’ve stayed with him! We only came here because you’re obsessed with me marrying Mr Collins!”

Her mother’s eyes widened in shock and hurt. “Clarke that is horribly unfair…”

“What’s horribly unfair is that my father died alone, with no one to hold his hand or talk to him as he passed not even his wife or daughter!”

“Clarke!”

Picking up the telegram, Clarke stormed towards the door. “Don’t follow me!”

Exiting the room, and slamming the door for good measure, Clarke was relieved to find Mr Jordan was long gone. Angrily marching towards the deck, she found herself at the railings for the second time that day. Ripping up the telegram, she let it fly between her fingers, carried away by the wind, the cursed piece of paper no longer able to deliver the news of her father’s passing, making it as if it had not happened. The sky was growing dark, inky blues and purples running through the evening and stars just beginning to show themselves. 

Looking up at the biggest star she could see, Clarke pictured her father’s smiling face, her voice barely coming out as a whisper. “Why did you have to leave me now?”

She turned away from the star as she got no response. She started walking with no real destination, but she wasn’t surprised as she found herself outside the door to Lexa’s bunk. Raising her hand, she wondered if it was appropriate that she was here. Swallowing hard, she knocked three times.

“Bobby! I already told ya, your sister ain’t here! Now clear off!”

“Oh for Heaven’s sake, Raven, I’ll deal with him if you won’t!”

“Alright, alright, Smudge, don’t be getting’ all antsy now.”

The door swung open and Raven started. “Now, look here, Bob- oh it’s you.”

“Is Lexa here?” Clarke knew the answer but didn’t want to admit she’d been listening at the door. 

“Hey, Smudge! Your Blondie’s here to see ya!”

Lexa appeared at the door, a puzzled look on her face. “Clarke? What are you doing here? Its late.”

Clarke cursed inwardly, realised that she probably should’ve waited to see Lexa in the morning. Lexa noted Clarke’s tear stained face and slightly red eyes. 

“I’m sorry, I should come back tomorrow.”

“Come in here.” Lexa pulled Clarke into the room and sat her on the bunk, handing her a cup of strongly brewed coffee in a tin cup. Raven slurped noisily in her bunk above and rustled her newspaper. 

“Thank you.”

Lexa looked concerned, stroking hair out of Clarke’s face. “What happened? You been crying?”

Clarke’s lip wobbled and tears began to threaten again. “My father died!”

She fell into Lexa’s arms, and Lexa instinctively wrapped them around her. “Oh, my darling, I’m so sorry.”

Clarke cried and cried, with Lexa murmuring soothing words to her, rocking her and eventually Clarke fell asleep, gently rested in Lexa’s embrace. Raven ducked her head down. 

“You know she can’t stay here, Smudge.”

Lexa frowned. “She’s exhausted. Just let her sleep a little longer.”

“Fine. But sooner or later you gots to wake her up. She can’t be found here, with us. It’ll mean trouble, for all of us.”

“I know. But she’s grieving. I just want to let her rest a little more.”

After what seemed like forever, Lexa began to feel her own eyes drooping. Sleeping with Clarke in her arms felt so natural, like it was meant to be. But she knew Raven was right. Gently tickling Clarke’s nose, the younger girl began to stir. 

“What time is it?”

“Time we got you home.”

Clarke kissed Lexa chastely. “Thank you. I know I can’t have been easy.”

Lexa looked deeply at Clarke. “You needed me. When you love someone, you’re there for them.”

Brushing her thumb against her cheek, Clarke kissed her again. “How lucky I am to have you love me.”

Lexa, hearing Raven’s snores, dropped her voice to a whisper. “Forever and ever.”

They quietly left the bunk and Lexa walked Clarke back to her quarters, insistent that she wanted Clarke to be safe. Holding hands as they walked, again felt so natural. Lexa sighed inwardly as she thought of all the times she wished she could do this yet class, gender and station separated them. One day, she told herself, one day we will live away from all of those things, and nothing, no one will be able to touch us or tell us any different. I’m gonna give Clarke everything she wants and needs, she’s never gonna rely on anyone but me. 

As they reached the quarters, Clarke pushed Lexa in the shadows and kissed her hard, taking Lexa completely by surprise. 

“It’s my birthday tomorrow. How ridiculous is that? Today my father died, and tomorrow I turn 20. I want to see you.”

The bolder side of Clarke both scared and aroused Lexa who could do nothing but nod. “Alright.”

The kiss got sweeter and softer, with Clarke reluctantly breaking it and heading into her room. As she quietly slipped in, she noticed her mother asleep in a chair at the bedside, still waiting for her. Clarke sighed; she wasn’t the only one who’d lost someone today. Her mother had lost her soulmate. Taking off her dress quickly and getting into her bed, she planned to resolve things with her mother tomorrow. She didn’t want to think about it as her birthday. She doubted she’d ever enjoy her birthday again, without her father’s twinkling smile and deep laughter waking her up in the morning.


	22. The First Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...I have just spent all night basically finishing the fic. I'm only uploading this chapter for now as a taster but I'll be uploading the last chapters all at once. The chapters are also a little shorter but that's only because the story is drawing to a close. I hope you all enjoy!

Clarke opened her eyes, the morning light teasing at her through the curtains. Yawning and stretching as she got out of bed, it finally dawned on her. It was her birthday. She turned 20 today. She sighed and looked down at the floor. It didn’t feel right celebrating her birthday when her father had not long ago passed away. She dressed quickly in one of her finer dresses, just to please her mother, and dabbed some perfume on her pulse points before she departed to meet her mother for breakfast. 

She was greeted by smiles and cheers of ‘happy birthday!’ as she sat with her mother and the Collins men, as well as Mr Jordan, gracefully accepting their gifts with a false smile and practiced thank you’s. She’d received makeup, perfume, chocolates, jewellery, some more dresses her mother had hidden away, shoes and more. She felt unbelievably spoilt and found herself daydreaming about what she might do with Lexa rather than listening to the eager discussion of her birthday celebrations. 

She glanced briefly at the newspaper Mr Collins was musing over. 15th April 1912. Another year, another birthday come and gone. She closed her eyes, trying to think of something happy she could associate this year with. That was easy. Lexa. She had met Lexa. Raven too. As much as the hot blooded girl confused her, she counted her as a true friend, one that was honest and resilient, not false and conniving like the girls back in England. 

She wanted all this to be over so badly. She would rather be with Lexa doing nothing at all but talk and look at the ocean than be here talking about throwing a party that she didn’t need so more people she didn’t know could congratulate her on her birthday, offer their condolences about her father and ask about her impending marriage to Mr Collins. None of them cared about what she had to say. She was a precious little caged dove for them all to gaze at in awe, and secretly covet from her owner, the oh so delightful Mr Collins.

Closing herself off from the mindless chatter at the table, Clarke allowed herself to daydream of what her birthday would be like living with Lexa, and their friends. Raven would give her a bump on the shoulder playfully, with a loud “happy birthday Blondie! Make it a good un’!” with Lexa smirking from the corner. Clarke was sure that Lexa would spoil her on her birthday, in ways that these rich snobs she barely knew never could. Lexa would attempt to cook for her, wouldn’t let Clarke lift a finger all day, wait on her hand and foot…and Lexa would bombard her with kisses, cuddles and love. Raven would roll her eyes but she’d give Clarke a gift she’d saved up for, chocolate perhaps, or some flowers. Clarke sighed in contentment. This was the life she so desperately wanted, and she prayed and prayed that it was the life she was destined to have.

She was pulled from her daydream by more wedding talk. She nodded along with what everyone was saying, including Mr Collins’ insufferable bragging about her engagement ring, a Collins family heirloom that had been in their family for generations and had belonged to his great-great-great grandmother. The diamonds had come all the way from Africa. Clarke glanced at it on her hand, the little stones glinting menacingly in the pale sunlight. They were crystalline, cold and empty, like a cruel insight into her fate. If she married Mr Collins, she would be a diamond, a hard shell with nothing but a cold, glass interior. 

As breakfast finished, and Mr Collins kissed her on the cheek, she followed her mother back to their quarters. The spot on her cheek where he’d kissed her burned unpleasantly. His lips had felt oddly firm, and icy; his kiss had been indifferent. He held as much love for her as she did for him. She may as well have offered her cheek to a piece of iron from one of his factories. As they reached their quarters, her mother beckoned her inside and Clarke duly followed. 

Her mother was rifling through a drawer, finally bringing out a small, wrapped package. She sat down, and smiled, offering it to Clarke. 

“It’s from your father. Happy birthday, darling.”

Clarke ran her hands over the package, touching the crisp paper, gently feeling the twine it had been tied together with. She unwrapped it carefully, not wanting to rip the paper. Inside was a small box, navy blue in colour and as she opened it, she couldn’t help but gasp. Inside, nestled in plush navy blue velvet, was her father’s watch. Tears began to fall before Clarke even felt them coming, and her mother came behind her, hugging her tightly. 

“He wanted you to have it, darling. He loved you so much, and he knew you loved that watch, and he knew it would remind you of him. Don’t cry too much, you know he would want you to be happy, especially today.”

Clarke’s shoulders shook with her sobs. “How can I be happy when I know he’s gone?”

Clarke’s mother knelt down and looked into her eyes. “You do what I do. Whenever I miss him terribly, which is always, I look up to the ceiling, to the heavens. And I talk to him. Because I know he can hear me. And I know he answers me, and helps me forward. He always had all the answers, and he will talk to you too.”

She gently wiped Clarke’s face, and kissed her cheek, cleansing Clarke of the kiss before it and filling her with an appreciation for her mother she knew she had to show more often. Throwing her arms around her, she hugged her mother close to her. 

“I love you so much.”

“I love you too, my darling.”

Clarke smiled, her heart full, finally feeling happiness on her birthday. However there was someone else she knew was going to make her happy just at the sight of her, and she didn’t want to keep her waiting. She made a very quick excuse to her mother about wanting to see if there were any dolphins out for her birthday and then raced down to the cabin where Raven and Lexa were staying. Knocking at the door, however, she was disappointed to find only Raven.

“Where’s Lexa?”

“Relax, Blondie, she didn’t forget your birthday. She’s waiting for you, at the garage.”

“The garage?”

“You know, where all you rich folks keep your fancy cars.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Raven rolled her eyes. “Follow me.”

Grabbing Clarke’s hand, she led her to a large grey walled area where hundreds of cars were parked, ready for their owners to use in America. Lexa was leaning against one, grinning when she laid eyes on Clarke.

“Hey, beautiful. Thanks, Raven.”

Raven saluted and made her exit. Lexa strolled over and hugged Clarke. “Happy birthday!”

Giggling, Clarke kissed her, enjoying the romance of it all. “Why, thank you!”

Lexa held out her hand. “Dance with me, princess?”

“There’s no music?”

Lexa looked thoughtful. “Hmmm…I’ll sing! Come on, give me a dance on your birthday!”

Clarke grinned widely. “Very well then.”

Lexa put her hand on her waist, catching Clarke’s breath and pulled her close so their bodies were flush against each other. She took hold of Clarke’s other hand and began to lead, sweeping Clarke gracefully across the room. 

“Come Josephine in my flying machine, going up she goes, up she goes! Balance yourself like a bird on a beam, in the air she goes, there she goes!”

“I didn’t know you could dance!”

Lexa dramatically leaned Clarke over her leg and kissed her deeply. “I am full of surprises, my darling.”

She continued to twirl Clarke around, still singing. “Up, up a little bit higher, oh, my, the moon is on fire! Come Josephine in my flying machine!”

They had ended up against an attractive green car that Clarke noticed had a very roomy back seat. She bit her lip suggestively at Lexa, and kissed her passionately. 

“Lexa…I want to go in there.”

Lexa finally cottoned on to what Clarke was asking. “Are you sure?”

Clarke smirked seductively and got into the car, beckoning Lexa in. “I am very sure. Get in here.”

About an hour later, Clarke was out of breath, and extremely sated. She couldn’t believe that was what sex was like, and it was amazing. Lexa had been so good, taking her time with her and being patient but even then it had felt like raw electricity ran through her core, like someone had injected adrenaline into her every vein. Lexa was snuggled up next to her and Clarke had never felt so loved. This. This was what she wanted every day for the rest of her life. To wake up next to Lexa, to sleep next to Lexa. To be with Lexa, like she was tonight, every single night of her life. She was startled out of her trance by what felt like a tremor running through the room, like the ship was shaking. 

The ship shook again and shuddered. Clarke glanced anxiously at Lexa and reached for her hand, with Lexa squeezing it to comfort her. 

“What was that?”

The ship shook again, this time harder, enough to shake the cars around them. Clarke jumped and moved closer to Lexa. 

“I don’t know. But I don’t like it. We need to get out of this room. Now.”

Leading Clarke away, Lexa began to make a path towards her quarters. People were coming out of their rooms in confusion at the commotion, and as they walked past, a few porters and crew members began to assure everyone that everything was fine. Reaching her quarters, Lexa sighed in frustration when Raven wasn’t there.

“Damn it, Raven! Where are you?!”

Quickly searching through the room, she reached under her pillow and grabbed her whittling knife, stuffing it her pants pocket, before putting on her thick jacket and cap. She took one final last look at the cabin before she took Clarke’s hand again and started to walk towards the deck. 

“Where are we going, Lexa?”

“Main deck. Maybe we can find out what’s going on. And Raven.”

“Alright. Let’s go.”


	23. Curtains for Mr Jordan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one does get a little gory, so I apologize if some of you are a little squeamish or weak-stomached, I hope it's not too bad for you!

As they continued to search for Raven while they headed towards the deck, Clarke spotted two brunettes with curly hair, and one in a ponytail. 

“Lexa, look! Over there!”

Following the two brunettes, they entered a room, only to find Mr Jordan leaning against a window smoking, and two brunettes who were not Raven or Luna, but just had similar hairstyles. 

He waved the two women away. “Thank you, Cora. Betsy. You two can go on now.”

Lexa instinctively moved closer to Clarke, and in front of her. Her muscles rippled in anticipation. Whatever this guy wanted with them, it was nothing good. 

“What the hell is this?”

“Well, well, well. Just the two little dyke bitches I wanna see. See, I knew you’d be lookin’ for them two dyke gal pals of yours. But they ain’t here. Just me.”

Swallowing her fear, Clarke spoke. “What do you want, Mr Jordan?”

“I wants a lots of things, Miss Griffin. Getting’ rid of this Tom here is one of ‘em.”

He gestured at Lexa and threw his cigarette away. Lexa crossed her arms. “I ain’t got no business with you.”

He grinned. “Well, I got business with you. Your kind need teaching that what you do ain’t normal.”

Clarke scowled. “Our kind?”

Mr Jordan frowned. “Naw, Miss Griffin, her kind. You find yourself a nice man like Mr Collins, you be alright. Her kind, they don’t learn. They don’t change.”

Lexa bristled. “’Cause men like you make us desire it so much. Please.”

“Men like me are savin’ this world. Dolls like you…need to be sorted.”

Lexa braced herself, knowing what was coming. “What are you waitin’ for then? Come sort me!”

Mr Jordan snarled and leapt at Lexa, who dodged easily. His breathing was rapid, and ragged and his eyes were wide and hungry, like an animal left too long without prey. 

“Oh, I am gonna enjoy killing you, you fuckin’ dyke rat!”

He roared and lunged again at Lexa, this time catching her, and shoving her hard against the wall. Ignoring Clarke’s screams for him to stop, he laughed maniacally and punched Lexa hard in the stomach. Then again in the face, then her stomach, then her jaw. Lexa spit in his face but it only spurred him on, with him spitting back at her. His hands closing on her throat, Lexa began to fight desperately, clawing at his face and hands but his height and strength had outmatched her. Clarke surged forward, hitting him anywhere she could. 

“Let her go!”

“Get off me you little dyke bitch!” He pushed Clarke away, causing her to yelp as she hit the wall but it was enough to distract him. Lexa bit down on his hand, drawing blood. 

Yelling in pain, he staggered back, relieving Lexa and clutching his bleeding hand. He glared up at her and stood, cracking his knuckles. 

“Oh, you’ve gon’ and done it now. I’m gonna make such a mess of you, your own mother won’t know you!”

He ran at her, grabbed hold and threw her across the room. Lexa spit again and stood up, glancing at Clarke to make sure she was alright. Jordan noticed and smiled evilly. 

“Oh, that’s right. I forgot why we was all here. ‘Cause of this little bitch right here!”

Bored with Lexa, he walked towards Clarke, picking her up by her hair and dragging her towards him. Clarke cried as he brought her close to his face, the stench of beer and cigarettes reeking from him making her want to vomit. 

“Get your hands off me, Mr Jordan!”

“You want me to get my hands off you? Well, I want to put my hands on you. How’s that?”

“Touch her and I’ll kill you!” Lexa stood across from him, her eyes blazing with fury. 

Mr Jordan laughed heartily, throwing Clarke down to the floor. “Ah so the little Tom’s finally ready for a fight, huh? Hope you’re ready to die too you little rat bitch!”

Lexa jutted out her chin. “Yeah, yeah, start throwing some fists, Jordan, or don’t fight at all!”

Running at her again, Lexa spun gracefully, letting him land hard against the wall, grunting as he hit the tough surface. She was on him in a second, punching every inch of his face that was in her fist’s way. His face was now a bloody mess, and he was groggily just able to stand up after his beating. Lexa grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him close. 

“You stay away from me, and from her, and from our friends, you hear me? I never want to see your sorry ass ever again!”

Letting him go, she rushed over to Clarke, helping her stand and checking her over. Clarke ran her hands over Lexa’s face, her eyes filled with concern as she gently touched the cut on Lexa’s eyebrow and her bruising eye, her bleeding lip which she kissed softly. 

“I’m alright, Clarke.”

“You promise?”

“Promise.”

A loud grunt caught both their attention. Mr Jordan was rising slowly and pointing shakily at them. “You two kiss again and I’m gon’ do the Lord’s work and put you both down like the dogs you are!” 

He pulled a revolver from his jacket pocket and grinned. Clarke buried her head in Lexa’s shoulder and closed her eyes as he squeezed the trigger. The click sounded but no bullet came. She looked up in surprise to see Jordan gawping at his gun in confusion.   
Lexa laughed. 

“You need to load the gun first, asshole.”

He threw the gun to the side. “Don’t need no gun. I’ll kill you both with my bare hands if I have to.”

Lexa let go of Clarke and ushered her away. “Stay there, Clarke. Don’t you move any closer now.”

Clarke’s eyes filled with tears. “Lexa!”

Mr Jordan attacked again, his hands raised, already balled into fists. Lexa moved quickly, with precision and ferocity that Clarke had never seen, her whittling knife appearing rom her pocket and going straight through Mr Jordan’s throat. His eyes bulged as he tried to comprehend what had happened, and his throat gurgled and bubbled wetly as blood began to pour from the wound. Lexa’s eyes held his and she twisted the knife cruelly, widening the gash. 

“It didn’t have to be this way. You threaten her, you answer to me.”

Mr Jordan moaned feebly as she removed the knife with a flourish and even more blood rushed out of his neck. His hands tried unsuccessfully to clutch at his throat, to stop the bleeding but there was no stopping it now. It had begun to soak his shirt and jacket, and the colour was leaving his face, turning it to a deathly ashen grey. Clarke looked away, the sight too gory and disgusting for her to manage despite how much he deserved it. Lexa glared at him one final time before going to Clarke. 

“It’s over, Clarke, it’s over. Come on, we need to go.”

Taking her hand, she threw the whittling knife away and again started towards the main deck, no more thoughts spared for Mr Jordan. The man who had terrorized Clarke for so long, the monster who’d threatened their love was no more and though Clarke wished that his death had not been necessary, a small smile crept across her face as she found solace in the idea, that in the case of Mr Jordan, there is no rest for the wicked.


	24. Never Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I strongly recommend listening to this song from the Titanic soundtrack while reading this chapter:
> 
> The Sinking - James Horner (it really adds some atmosphere!)

Clarke followed Lexa to the main deck where it was so dark she could barely see. A bell was ringing loudly somewhere, and crewmen were frantically running all over the place. Clarke looked at Lexa to see the girl frozen in place, her face pale. 

“Lexa, what is it? What’s wrong?”

The other girl didn’t respond but her hands had balled into tight fists until Clarke took hold of them and forced Lexa to look at her. 

“Lexa! What’s wrong?”

“Iceberg…the ship’s too close to an iceberg!” She pointed out at the sea and Clarke followed her finger, her eyes widening in shock. 

An iceberg loomed near the side of the ship. It was large and wide, and the ship was headed right for it. Lexa grabbed Clarke and headed towards the middle of the deck where there were railings. She placed Clarke’s arm around one railing then held her tight with her free hand as she did the same. 

“What are you doing?”

“Listen to me: you’re gonna want to brace yourself. They’re not gonna be able to stop in time, and it’s gonna be a real hard crash. You hold on, and you hold on tight, you hear me?”

Clarke nodded. Lexa pulled her in closer and tightened her hold on her, kissing her cheek, and neck gently. 

“We’re gonna be alright, it’s just gonna be a crash. Nothing can sink this thing.”

Clarke took one last look at the deck of the ship before she closed her eyes, and buried into Lexa’s shoulder. At first, it felt like nothing was going to happen, the ship sailed calmly, then all at once the ship lurched and the most awful, shrieking sound pierced the air as the ship collided with the ice, the metal scraping harshly against it. Several men began to call out to each other and a routine of sorts was being carried out but Clarke focused her listening on Lexa’s whispering, telling her that there was a procedure for everything on this ship, and as soon as they’d passed the iceberg everything would go back to normal. The ship continued to shudder and shake as it scraped past the iceberg, the sound becoming more and more unbearable as it became more shrill., not working well in tandem with the constant bell ringing. 

“Ladies! You need to move! Go back to your quarters, the deck is off limits!” 

A man waved them away, with Lexa firmly grasping Clarke’s hand and leading her back down towards the working class quarters. On the way there, they collided with some bodies heading to the deck in the confusion, including an angry Italian brunette with an attitude. 

Lexa grabbed Raven’s face with both her hands. “I have been looking for you everywhere, you dumbass! Where have you been?!”

Raven threw up her hands. “Lookin’ for you! What else?! Also, you seen Luna anywhere?”

Lexa shook her head. “They kicked us off the deck. Ship’s hit an iceberg.”

“”Was wonderin’ what all that noise was.”

“Come on, let’s go back to the cabin til it’s clear. Then I can take Clarke back to her mother.”

Raven nodded and started to lead the way back to their cabin when they started to hear screams coming from where they were headed. Lexa frowned and moved towards Raven. 

“What the fuck was that?”

Raven shifted on her feet nervously. “Your guess is as good as mine, Smudge.”

Lexa cocked her head to one side. “Can you hear that?”

“The shouting?”

“No, there’s something else, I don’t know, it kinda sounds like-”

“WATER!”

Several people suddenly crashed into the small hallway, all of them soaked, slipping, falling over each other, the sound of screams and shouts now loud and getting ever closer. But the sound of what could only be rushing, fast water was even more terrifying. Lexa grabbed Raven and Clarke and turned them around. 

“RUN. NOW!”

They began to tear down the corridor, the sound of screams and rushing water hot on their heels. As they turned a corner, it finally caught up with them, splashing dramatically against the far wall, before rolling over itself and beginning the chase, like a leopard that’s seen the gazelle it wants. Clarke’s breath was coming fast and her chest was growing tighter the faster she ran, her muscles complaining at her speed. Her focus was solely on Lexa, she needed to run for Lexa, they had to make it out of this, together. Raven was the fastest, making it to the entrance of the deck, and urging the other two to hurry. 

“Come on! Come on! You can do it! Faster!”

Lexa made it second, reaching her hand out to Clarke and practically pulling her up the steps before they began a frantic ascent back onto the deck where others had had the same idea. The crewmen were trying to calm panicked passengers trying to alert them to the flooding below deck, and the first class people were already hailing the lifeboats, ready to escape the nightmare that had become of the Titanic. Clarke started running towards the first class living quarters before Lexa could stop her but was headed off by several men. 

“No, Miss! You can’t go in there! It’s gone! It’s all gone!”

“Gone?! What do you mean, gone?!”

“It flooded straight away, the iceberg tore a hole straight through it! It’s just water now, Miss!”

“But my mother, my mother! Abigail Griffin, she was in there! My mother was in there! Where is she?!”

“I’m sorry, Miss, we’ve found no survivors yet.”

Clarke fell to the ground. Her mother…gone. It couldn’t be. What could she have done to deserve to lose both of her parents so quickly? Who had she wronged? What sin had she committed? Was she being punished? Strong hands lifted her up, and the smell of tobacco and sea salt lifted her, made her heart remember who she was, and who she was fighting to be with. 

“Clarke?! What’s going on?!”

Crashing into Lexa’s arms, Clarke felt emotionally exhausted. “My mother…she’s gone…”

Lexa looked devastated. “Clarke…there’s no time…I promise you, we will remember her properly. But right now, we have to survive this, or there’s no going back.”

Nodding, Clarke followed Lexa back to where Raven had found Luna and now stood grimly surveying the mania that was only bound to get worse. Raven turned to Lexa.

“We in for one hell of a fight, Smudge. I heard they just let your boys down the engine room drown.”

Lexa’s stomach clenched at the idea of Monty drowned, but pushed it from her mind. “What matters is, we stick together.”

Raven nodded. “Agreed.”

Clarke’s hands shook as she watched the water begin to lap at the main deck stairs. “How can anyone survive this?”

Lexa laced her fingers with Clarke’s. “We’re stronger than this. We can do this. I promise. Just stick together, none of us ever stand alone.” 

Raven placed her atop Lexa and Clarke’s. “Never alone.”

Luna’s voice was barely a whisper as she joined them. “Never.”

Clarke smiled. “Never.”


	25. Unable to Stay, Unwilling to Leave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a song on the Titanic soundtrack I named this chapter after - it's worth a listen, it's a wonderful piece of music and I think it goes with this chapter perfectly.

The carnage was hell. Worse than hell. Screams, and cries rang loud in Clarke’s ears as she raced through the deck trying to keep up with Lexa. There were people pushing, shoving, fighting over the lifeboats and Clarke couldn’t believe the chaos of it all. The first class women and children were being ushered on-board by the porters, one of which had armed himself with a gun in order to keep the angry crowds back. Lexa stopped briefly, unable to process properly with the pandemonium, several panicked passengers taking the opportunity to shove her out of the way and join the clamouring for a place on the lifeboats. Luna came rushing forward, back into Raven’s arms who hugged her tightly.

“We can’t go back, it’s all underwater. They…they’ve all drowned down there…”

The gravity of what Luna had just said hit them all at once. Clarke burst into tears, Raven looked at Lexa fearfully while the taller brunette just gazed distantly at the growing crowd. 

“It’s all gone to shit. Ain’t no way they gon’ let us on one of them boats, Smudge.”

“We have to try.”

“Smudge, you hear yourself right now? There ain’t no way!”

Lexa turned, grabbing Raven intensely. “We have to try! It’s our only chance, Raven!”

Raven pushed her away. “You’re crazy, Lexa. I love you but you’re not talking no sense. She has a chance. But us. There ain’t no way.”

Clarke wiped away her tears. “Alright, enough! Lexa’s right, we have to try! They said they’re letting on women and children, well, we’re all women! We cannot resign ourselves to dying here, on this ship! We have to fight!”

Lexa held her arms gently. “It’s alright, Clarke. It’s alright. We won’t die here, I promise you.”

Raven scoffed. “So, what we going to do?”

Lexa scanned the situation. There was debris falling from everywhere, parts of the ship were on fire, and the water would soon be flowing onto the deck. She was about to formulate a plan when there was sickening sound of metal warping, and breaking. The ship started to shake violently and then all of a sudden, things started to happen very quickly. The ship was sinking, that much was obvious, but the deck was…splitting. The wooden floorboards were breaking, splintering and shifting. The entire deck was breaking. Passengers immediately began to riot, desperately trying to claw their way on to the boats. Lexa had to act fast. 

“All of you, now! Get to that top railing there!”

Raven and Luna looked incredulous. “What?!”

“Just do it!” 

They started to climb their way to the railings where Lexa showed them how to hook their arms and brace themselves the same way she’d shown Clarke when they’d first hit the iceberg. Clarke. She couldn’t see Clarke. For the first time, panic set it on Lexa. Looking around, she finally found her…being dragged away by Collins. 

“You two…stay here! I’m going to get Clarke!”

Raven followed her gaze. “I’m coming with you!”

“No! It’s too dangerous! Stay with Luna!”

Raven smirked at Lexa. “I wasn’t asking, Smudge! Let’s go!”

They both hurried to Clarke who was struggling to get away from her ex fiancée, who was quite literally dragging Clarke by her wrist towards a boat. 

“You are coming with me, on a lifeboat, where we will escape this godforsaken ship and then you will marry me when we get back to England!”

“I will do no such thing!”

Lexa and Raven blocked his path. “Where’d you think you’re going?”

The man sneered at them both. “Get out of my way, cretins. This is a matter between myself and my wife.”

“I am not your wife!”

Lexa stepped forward, struggling to keep her balance on the still shuddering ship. “Let her go. You’re gonna get yourself killed if you don’t.”

“How dare you threaten me?! I am a member of high society! You will not speak to me, I will have order! I am in charge, and you will all do as I-”

A pulley from something snapped with a loud crack!, the wooden mechanism swinging forward and clocking Collins right in the face, knocking him over. His nose was bleeding, as was his mouth and he couldn’t seem to breathe as he jerked on the ground. Clarke frowned but Lexa pulled her away. 

“Leave him. We need to go, now!”

Clarke nodded and allowed Lexa to take her away, not wanting anything more to do with Mr Collins, taking her engagement ring off quickly and throwing it towards him before Lexa rushed back towards the railings. The floorboards were splitting more violently now, and faster, with entire ship seeming to be almost splitting in half. Several people were now just jumping into the water and swimming desperately in any direction, the freezing water trapping their limbs, making them rigid and unable to move. Clarke watched from an unwilling standpoint as they slowly sank, or floated eerily away, their eyes lifeless and grey. 

Lexa gently turned her face away. “Don’t look, Clarke. Look at me.”

Clarke blinked and tried to focus on Lexa. Her green eyes were staring intensely at Clarke, and so she allowed herself to get lost in them, as she always did. The gold flecks were sparking, not with mischief, but with Lexa’s desire to protect them all, the green seemed brighter than ever with how alert Lexa was in this moment. The sound of crunching as the floorboards finally gave way could not distract her now. But Lexa taking hold of her did. 

“We need to move, Clarke! Clarke!”

Raven and Luna were sprinting back across the deck, and Lexa was pointing at them, and gesturing that they follow so Clarke gathered what little strength she had left and followed as fast as her tired body would let her. They ended up near some railings opposite a crowd of people trying to get on what seemed to be the last boat. Clarke pointed at it. 

“There! We need to get on that boat!”

Raven growled in frustration. “You can’t be serious!”

Lexa grinned at her. “Come on, Raven, everything once, right?”

Raven frowned, then smirked. “Yeah, yeah, whatever, let’s go.”

As they joined the crowds shouting and screaming for a place on the lifeboat, Lexa pulled Clarke in close. Deep down, she had the same fear as Raven. Clarke would be let on without a blink of an eye, but her, Raven and Luna? They wouldn’t be so lucky. But if it meant getting Clarke out of here, then she’d do it. At the expense of all else, she would save Clarke. Because she loved her, and that’s what you do for people you love. 

“Are you alright?”

Lexa kissed her gently. No-one was watching them now. “I will be. I love you, Clarke.”

Clarke frowned. “Where did that come from?”

“Can’t I tell you I love you?”

Clarke smiled softly. “Of course you can. Just don’t go pulling anything funny. Because I love you. And I’d rather die on this ship with you than live my life without you.”

“You and me?”

“Forever.”

“Are there any more women or children?! Women and children only!”

Grabbing Lexa, Raven and Luna, Clarke rushed forward. “Us! There’s us! Please, take us on the boat!”

The porter reached forward and helped Clarke onto the boat, then reached over for Lexa. Clarke breathed a sigh of relief. It was over, it was all finally over. Soon she’d be able to mourn her mother properly and start her new life with Lexa. She felt a warmth beside her and snuggled into Lexa’s side, able to breathe without fear at last. 

“No, not you two. I’m sorry but the lifeboat is full. I’m sorry. It’s full.” 

Clarke’s eyes snapped open, the fear returning as the porter waved Raven and Luna away. Lexa frowned and made her way over to the porter, squeezing Clarke reassuringly before she went. 

“Let me talk to him.”

Clarke fidgeted nervously as the porter argued with Lexa about letting Raven and Luna on the boat. 

“I’m sorry, Miss, but there’s no room!”

“No room?! There’s plenty room! Just get some people to shift up some!”

“The boat’s not designed to take any more!”

“Please, I’m begging you, please let them on, they’re my family!”

There was a brief commotion and then a rushing feeling of speed, then a loud splash which covered most of the boats passengers in salty, ice cold water. Clarke’s eyes burned as she took in her new surroundings. The boat had been lowered to the water. Looking around for Lexa, Clarke couldn’t see her. Then she looked up and her heart sank. Lexa was stood on the Titanic with Raven and Luna, her eyes sad but not sorry. 

“Lexa! Lexa, what are you doing?!”

A tear fell down Lexa’s face. “Savin’ you, my lovely girl. I love you Clarke!”

Bursting into tears once more, Clarke reached out for her in vain. “Why are you doing this?!”

“I love you!”

“No! Lexa!”


	26. The Fated and The Damned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm probably getting annoying with these Titanic Soundtrack recommendations but I wrote this while listening to 'Never an Absolution' by James Horner. If that times out and you're still reading the chapter, 'Rose' also fits perfectly with the second half of the chapter...you'll know which moment ;)

Clarke shivered, icy droplets adorning her skin like the diamantes of a pretty evening dress. The air whispered around her, kissing her cold cheeks sharply, biting at her exposed neck. Her hand absent-mindedly ran through her hair, stiffening from the salt in the sea. She had never felt so truly lost. She was on a boat full of frightened, frozen women. No-one could bring themselves to speak. All they could do was bear witness in silence to the horror before them. The Titanic was no more. The great ship had split in half, with the bottom half nowhere in sight. The passengers were now left to the mercy of the ocean. Clarke’s tired eyes scanned desperately for Lexa, but it was so dark, and she was so cold. So cold. The faint sound of helpless screams and cries filled the air, and as the porter rowed their boat away from the carnage, Clarke felt her tears burn her in shame. They were wilfully abandoning people to their deaths.

“We should go back for them.”

“Please be quiet, Miss.”

Clarke stood angrily. “We should go back for them! We’ve plenty of room!”

“Miss, please!”

“I’m begging you, please go back for someone, anyone!”

“Miss, SIT DOWN! Now I am in charge of this vessel, and unless you want me to make some more room in it, I suggest you BE QUIET!”

Clarke sat, her tears silently framing her face. She glared at the porter, who managed to hold her gaze boldly for just a moment before he had to look away. His attention turned towards the wreckage and his breath left him.

“Poor bloody souls. Let God have mercy on them all.”

“Let him have mercy on yours.” Clarke muttered, her bitterness consuming her. 

Her father was dead, back in England. Her mother had met her fate in an icy ocean. Lexa…Clarke shut her eyes in defiance. She could not imagine what could have happened to her beloved Lexa. To Raven, and Luna. Her friends. Her love. All gone. Now she truly had no one. To be alone in the world, now Clarke understood what it meant to feel angry. Betrayed. Defeated. It had all been stolen from her, in the blink of an eye. 

The ocean lapped calmly at the boat, and Clarke gazed at in wonder, and in hatred. It had just taken so many lives. It was now forever a grave for all of those people, never to see their family again, never kiss their loved ones, never be able to laugh or dance or sing or smile. She could not fathom how many people would ever understand this feeling of emptiness, the finality of death that had touched every and all passenger on the Titanic whether they were on their way to Heaven’s Gate or were simply on a boat wishing the new angels well, and a safe journey. Clarke sent a prayer for her mother, her heart breaking for her loss and yet knowing she had re-joined her father in death gave Clarke a feeling of relief that fought against the depression and grief trying to overcome her. 

They seemed to be rowing endlessly for hours until finally the sun began to rise. Several intakes of breath were heard around the boat as the sun filled the sky with bold orange, fierce yellow and gentle tinges of pink. It was so beautiful after such an ugly, and terrible night. They soon approached a larger boat where they were all helped aboard and given warm, fresh clothes and mugs of hot broth. There was activity everywhere, and Clarke gulped down her broth, not caring for how it burned her throat or tasted, she simply needed warmth in her body. She gratefully accepted a fresh dress, and cardigan, draping it around herself and finding herself a secluded corner so she could weep afresh over losing Lexa. 

The pain was like nothing she had ever felt, like someone had driven a dagger into her heart and every time she thought of Lexa, the dagger twisted, creating a fresh wound, never letting the old one scar. She knew she should feel guilty for not feeling the same sense of loss over her parents but Lexa…Lexa had been the love of her life. This she knew, and would always know. No matter how her life would play out, she would always love Lexa. Raven would always be her friend. Luna would always be her friend. No-one would make her smile like Raven; no-one would make her laugh like Lexa. No-one would take her breath away like Lexa could, or kiss her with fire like Lexa did. A small gentleman with wire rimmed spectacled had tentatively approached her, and waved gently to get her attention. 

“Miss? Miss? I am ever so sorry, but may I take your name? We’re trying to gather a record of, well, survivors.”

Clarke nodded. “Clarke. Clarke Gri-”

She stopped. She had no family now. No-one here knew her. This was her chance to start anew. She could make a life for herself, where she was free, without limitations, and without the crushing expectations of a society that she no longer felt she belonged to. She didn’t need her parent’s money or their land. She wanted to make her own money, have her own trade perhaps. Her own little house. This was her chance. She could be who she was truly meant be, and live the life that she chose. 

“Woods. Clarke Woods.”

The man nodded, and quickly wrote it down. “Were…were you traveling alone, Miss?”

Clarke shook her head softly. “I was with my mother and fiancée. Both gone, I’m afraid.”

The man squeezed her hand gently. “My condolences, Miss.”

As he made his way to other people, Clarke wandered aimlessly on the deck, her cardigan wrapped tightly around her as the wind picked up again. She saw the crew come alive as another boat was spotted and its passengers brought aboard, another gaggle of soaking wet and freezing women and children all desperate and emotional at being saved. She turned away from the scene, unable to handle seeing a woman lurch forward and reunite with her sister. How lucky they were. She tried to chastise herself, but let herself wallow in her misery. She should be allowed to grieve and mourn, she reasoned, and part of that could possibly be her jealousy at the happiness of others in this moment where she’d been robbed of any possibility of ever seeing anyone she loved again. She sat down on the floor of the deck, away from it all, not caring how she looked sitting on the floor. Her ears pricked as she heard a commotion nearby as one of the women seemed to be arguing with one of the crew. It wasn’t unlikely. People were expecting to be reunited with their family, like the few lucky ones. It was too horrible to imagine the alternative. 

“Listen here, she gots blonde hair, real blonde, like almost white, that blonde. She gots blue eyes, blue like this fuckin’ sea. She, I don’t know, maybe like this tall? She skinny too, and pretty. You tellin’ me you ain’t noticed no pretty girls on here?”

Clarke’s lips threatened to curve into a smile. Well, it couldn’t be helped; it was their natural reaction to Raven’s antics. She was always doing something or saying something that made Clarke smile or giggle she was just that kind of person, she was funny. Clarke was always grinning when she was around. But she shouldn’t be smiling now. Even if Raven was doing her best to make her…Raven. Raven. Clarke’s eyes snapped open, and she stood, looking around desperately for that voice again. Her eyes landed on a small, angry brunette, dripping wet and poking a man in the chest as she talked at him. At her side was another shivering brunette, her hair curling impossibly and her wide, brown eyes glancing around the ship anxiously. Luna. It was Luna! Clarke couldn’t explain herself, she just took off running. 

“Raven! Luna! Raven! Raven!” 

The brunette turned to acknowledge her name being called, well, screamed, and her eyes widened as she took in the sight of Clarke racing towards her. Her arms opened and caught her, holding her tight, so very tight. 

“Blondie?! That really you?”

Clarke cried hard into Raven’s neck. “I thought you were dead, I thought you were gonna be dead, how was I gonna live without you?” 

Raven’s hold on her tightened if that were possible, grabbing Luna so Clarke could hug her too. It felt unreal, it really did. Clarke questioned if she was hallucinating or maybe she had died too and had finally joined her friends in Heaven. She let them go to get dry clothes and warm broth but as soon as they came back she had hold of them again in an instant. She never wanted to let them go again. She pinched herself again and again, before allowing herself to believe her friends were really here. 

“We managed to float on some wood til a boat came and saved us. Oh, Blondie, I sure am glad to see you.”

Clarke smiled weakly. “You have no idea how glad I am to see you.”

She hadn’t asked the fateful question yet. Neither girl had mentioned Lexa and yet they had all been together when Lexa had left Clarke on the boat. Clarke didn’t want to ask. She took their silence as answer enough. Lexa hadn’t made it. Clarke wouldn’t be surprised. Lexa was so selfless; she would’ve made surer that Raven and Luna were safe before she was. Raven watched Clarke as she gazed wordlessly at the horizon, her expression sad, her eyes distant. 

“You okay there, Blondie?”

Clarke sighed, the wind carrying it away from her, and dancing with it across the mist of the faraway ocean. “I just wish…that she’d made it. That she was here.”

Raven smirked. “Yeah, about that…”

Clarke frowned. How could she smile in such a moment? She froze as she felt a presence behind her and one word caused her entire world to fall down.

“Clarke…?”

Only one person had ever said her name like that. Only one person breathed it out as if it were the most perfect name on Earth. Only one person said it in such a way that made Clarke feel as if she as the only person who existed. Only one person gave her name such meaning. Turning, her eyes fell upon a tall figure with olive skin and long, curling brown hair, eyes forest green and full of wear but sparking with excitement at the sight of Clarke. She was wringing water from a cap that Clarke had seen once before, because she’d held it in her hands. 

Lexa almost went down but managed to hold her stance as Clarke barrelled into her arms. “Well, hello at last.”

Clarke didn’t look at her, couldn’t look at her, not yet. Her hands touched Lexa’s shoulders, her waist, the wet cloth of her trousers wetting her hands. Clarke’s hands trailed up to Lexa’s chest where they rested, feeling her heartbeat. Lexa’s hands covered her own, and Clarke finally looked at her.

“Are you real?”

Lexa smiled gently. “Yes. Feel my heart? That’s you, keeping me alive.”

Raven made loud retching noises behind them. “Ugh, Smudge, that was the best you got?”

Ignoring her, Clarke caressed Lexa’s face. “I thought I’d lost you.”

“Never.”

“Never?” 

Knowing they couldn’t kiss in front of these people was torture, but Lexa pulled Clarke in for another hug, breathing in her scent and kissing her neck softly.

“I’ll be yours forever and ever.”

“I like the sound of that. Forever.”


	27. A Happy Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song recommendation for this chapter: Distant Memories - James Horner

Clarke smiled as she heard the door of their small house open and shut; the sound music to her ears. She continued to stir the soup she’d made on the stove, waiting to feel arms around her waist and a kiss ever so gently placed behind her ear. Lexa kissed her cheek softly, as she spun Clarke around to bring her closer. 

“I’m home.”

Their foreheads met and Clarke leaned up to kiss her, soft lips brushing against Lexa’s, who with a smirk, kissed back with more fervour. Feeling slightly breathless, Clarke pulled away, losing herself once again in Lexa’s eyes, the green with golden-hazel specks mesmerising her. It was a giddy feeling; to be with the one she loved after all they’d been through together. Their living was small and common, but Clarke wouldn’t have it any other way.

She’d said goodbye to her life of riches and finery when she’d been forced to say goodbye to her mother and father too soon, though she prayed every day and believed that they watched over her, together at last in Heaven. She believed that they would accept her relationship with Lexa, and she believed that they would value her happiness above all else. 

A patter of tiny footsteps alerted Clarke from her musing, and she quickly reacted to a bundle of excitement coming her way, picking up the unruly boy that she’d so luckily been able to adopt from the workhouse, under the ruse that Lexa’s ‘boss’, a man who Clarke had invented, needed a young apprentice to work the stables with Lexa. Aiden was a strong boy of 6 years, with straw coloured curls and big, soft brown eyes. 

“Mama! Mama! Mama’s home!”

Lexa laughed, taking him from Clarke and swinging him high in the air. “C’mere, Scamp!”

“Hey! No love for your Auntie Raven?” Raven leaned against the doorway, an amused smirk on her face; Luna curled around her looking fondly at their nephew. 

It had been an easy choice, living with Raven and Luna. With Lexa and Raven working in the stables and the butchers respectively, Clarke and Luna looked after the house and Aiden whilst also selling Lexa’s wood carvings here and there when markets would arise nearby. The rent was easily paid between them, allowing money for food and other commodities. Clarke thanked the stars and the angels and the heavens that they’d all lived through that terrible night. She still suffered from nightmares of the awful event, still dreamed of Mr Collins’ attempt to kidnap her, but Lexa was always there, always waiting with soothing words, gentle kisses and often hummed her back to sleep. Lexa was Clarke’s safety, her haven. Without her, Clarke felt sure that she wouldn’t survive. Aiden had rushed over to Raven and was being fussed over by his aunts. 

Clarke returned to her soup, smiling as she noticed Lexa follow her. Lighting up a cigarette and leaning against the wall, she gazed at Clarke appreciatively. 

“What are you staring at?” Clarke asked coyly. She knew the answer.

“The most beautiful girl in the world.”

“Really?”

Lexa stood behind Clarke, putting out her cigarette. Her arms were around Clarke’s waist again but she allowed her to keep cooking. Her head rested in the crook of Clarke neck, and she sighed in contentment. 

“I will never stop thanking the stars for you, Clarke. Finding you has been the best thing to ever happen to me.”

Clarke reached up and gently caressed Lexa’s face. “You saved me, Lexa.”

Lexa kissed her hand. “I’ll always love you, Clarke. I’ll love you till I die.”

Clarke eyes fluttered closed, she never tired of hearing her say that. “You know I’ll love you forever.”

Lexa kissed her neck. “Forever and ever.”

Clarke giggled. “It feels like we just got married.”

Turning to face Lexa, she looked down to see two gold rings in her hand. “Well…”

“Lexa! Where did you get those?!”

The older girl shrugged and smirked. “Saved some money. Figured I had to make you mine forever at some point…will you? You know, be mine forever?”

Clarke rolled her eyes fondly. “You know I will.”

They each put their ring on, then clasped hands so they could see them together. Lexa pulled Clarke close and kissed her, her thumb brushing against Clarke’s cheek. Their eyes met, electrifying blue and plush forest green, their happy ending finally at their fingertips. 

“Hey, Romeo and Juliet! Is dinner ready yet, or am I gonna have to keep you lovebirds apart?”

“Come on” Clarke whispered “we got a family to feed.”

“Right you are, Mrs Woods.”

Giggling some more, Clarke called her family to dinner and sat them all down for their meal. She gazed happily at what she’d achieved and relished in a moment of pure happiness. She had a family, she had love, she had nobody to answer to, and at last, she was free.


	28. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...this is it, the final chapter. I really hope you guys have enjoyed reading this fic as much as I've enjoyed writing it. Please do continue to read it, like it, share it with your friends, send me comments, and read my other fics. Thank you for reading my work. 
> 
> Song recommendation for this chapter is: Lament (includes "A Sailpín A Rún") - James Horner

84 years later…

Her great-great niece pottered about the small retirement cottage, cleaning and tidying up. Clarke’s aged and tired eyes, still brilliant and blue, tried to focus on the television she could barely see. Turning the volume up, the newscaster finally began to make sense. 

“Today truly is a day to be marked in history. Today we finally unearth the majestic and tragic Titanic.”

Time seemed to slow down for Clarke as she watched the newscaster shift and footage of deep sea divers approaching the carcass of a large ship was shown. Her breathing became more and more rapid as it became clearer and clearer that it was indeed the lost ship of dreams, something she never thought she’d see again. The newscaster was going through a brief history of the Titanic, showing an animation of how historians believe it sank. Clarke huffed. Try being there when it actually happened, she thought. 

“So far we have only managed to salvage artefacts and objects that we believed belonged to the passengers and crew of the Titanic. Here we have some jewellery and other items being rinsed with a special solution as not to damage them any further. Several historians have expressed their surprise at how well some things have been preserved due to how long they were underwater for.”

The newscaster then changed to a man who was on the scene. Clarke squinted at the screen, trying to make out what he was doing. 

“I’m here with some of the clean-up crew trying to salvage some of these priceless historic items. Displayed below is a telephone line. Please contact it if you believe any of these items belonged to your ancestors. Here we have some necklaces, rings, other jewellery items…” 

Clarke’s great-great niece came and sat beside her. “What is it, Auntie?”

Clarke took her hand. “Look, Niylah. Look what they found.”

The younger woman’s eyes widened as she realised what was on the television. “Oh my god, Auntie, they found it!”

The newscaster was still eagerly listing off several of the found artefacts. “Here we have several paintings, all valued at amazing and unthinkable prices, as well as some artwork we believe to have been drawn by people on the cruise. If you recognise anything in these drawings, we would be grateful to hear from you!”

Suddenly, a small canvas was being shown rinsed, and then on the camera. A charcoal sketch of two people on the deck, one wearing a dress, with flowing curls and a parasol, the other dressed in men’s clothes and a cap, yet unmistakably also a woman.   
Clarke’s breath caught in her throat, the drawing of her and Lexa a long forgotten memory. She was pulled into a vivid scene, sea salt in her nose, the sound of waves crashing against the ship, seagulls cawing in the air. Lexa was smiling next to her, young and carefree. Green eyes just like a wood nymph, sparkling with mischief and love, eternal burning love for Clarke. Dressed in her pants and shirt, her hair tumbling out of her cap as she adjusted it, the beautiful brown curls dancing in the breeze. She looked down at herself, in a pretty pink dress with white lace gloves, her own blonde curls pinned up in a delicate hairstyle, but still being teased free by the wind. 

“Auntie, Auntie are you alright?!”

Clarke came out of her daydream with a start, staring in disbelief at the canvas, still on the television. 

“It’s mine, darling. That drawing is mine. I drew it for your Aunt Lexa.”

Niylah’s eyes lit up in excitement. “I’m getting the phone! We have to claim it as yours!”

Before she could stop her, she was racing away. Clarke sighed and moved slightly in her chair, her hips and joints aching. She’d never dreamed that she get to this age. She missed Lexa so much. She’d only been gone two years, but it broke her heart every day.   
Glancing up at the ceiling, she smiled playfully. 

“This is your doing isn’t it? And if it ain’t you then it’s definitely Raven.”

Niylah had come back into the room, on the phone to someone. She said something Clarke didn’t quite catch. Then she passed the phone to Clarke. 

“They want to know which painting you recognise, Auntie.”

Clarke sighed and put the phone to her ear. “Hello?”

“Hello? Miss?”

“Hello, this is Mrs Clarke Woods.”

“Mrs Woods. Which painting do you recognise?”

Clarke smiled as she remembered drawing it for Lexa. “The charcoal sketch on the canvas. The one just on the television.”

“Ah, the charcoal sketch. Tell me, how do you recognise it? Do you know any of the women in the sketch?”

Clarke smiled, pleased that it had been noted that there were two women in the sketch. “Well, yes. You see I was a passenger, on the Titanic.”

“You were?!”

“Yes, I drew that sketch.”

“Would you be open to visiting us here at the site?”

“Well, I suppose I could.”

“That’s excellent! Oh, and one final thing before I make arrangements, who are the woman in the picture?”

Clarke laughed softly, looking up to the ceiling once more. How could she put into words, the love of her life, immortalised in that picture forever, smiling freely, that wild hair billowing around her, those fiery green eyes always capturing her, the cheeky laughter and that intriguing smile. How could she ever explain Lexa to anyone?

“The woman in the picture…is me.”

FIN


End file.
